Just when I'm about to go to sleep I thought of something.
Why am I so judgemental? I look down on stupid people. I look down on pretentious people, especially those who have long conversations on facebook. Thing is I used to do that too, now I stopped. I judge fat people, even though I know it's not always their fault. I judge so many things. I judge people's hair, people's clothes, people's noses, how they speak, the way they walk, the people they hang with.
Coke zero blurs my vision... or maybe I'm just tired. I was reading Lolita, it's so brilliantly written. I wish I could write like that, sometimes it leaves me disturbed and breathless at the same time.
So I had a haircut. Now it's very short down the front. The fringe's gone but the mullet is still going. I decided to keep the sideburns and I redyed it auburn again. I also got highlights but they're not showing through, but it doesn't really matter.
FUNNY AS HELL.
LOL THE PUPPET SEX SCENE ALMOST KILLED ME.
The government finally sent through my scholarship money. $2000. I checked my balance today thought I had no money left and I was like FUCK YEAH BABY
WHY AM I LISTENING TO JUSTIN BEIBER
I bought a blue V-necked 'shirt' with a hoodie. It looks very nice. I also bought some calvin klein underwear during the week. Then I had very limited money for food for the weekend lol. They go well with the skinny jeans I bought last time and the boots I have. Even the new underwear holds 'things' differently... or maybe it's just all in my head.
Sometimes I have a superiority complex. Sometimes I just feel like I deserve everything. I don't want to lower my expectations. I don't want to settle for less.
It just isn't a feel good day. It just isn't.
- Don't want to get with said boy anymore. Just annoying. I'll keep telling myself that.
- I got A+ for my philosophy assignment. I got 95 the class average was 69. That's my fourth A+ out of my five assignments/tests so far.
- I'm accepted as a preliminary adjudicator for Australs 2010 (second biggest international debating competition). I hope I get accredited.
So out of the to-do list I've already started tidying my room. I just got a new (old) shelf from someone who's leaving the country, so now I'm putting all my prized books on there. I love books. They're filled with so much wisdom and knowledge.
I'm falling for someone. Someone I haven't met in person. Just a friend's friend. When I go on facebook I always check if he's online. I want him to talk to me first. I'm interested in the most trivial things he's doing. I get worried if he doesn't reply soon enough. I hate this feeling. I feel like things are spiralling out of my control. Fuck it.
Things to do (and not do):
- get an expensive haircut
- buy some dress shirts
- go to the not-as-expensive sale on high street tomorrow
- find my passport
- study for exams
- buy a winter coat
- wait eagerly for the announcement for the New Zealand Youth Delegation to Mexico
- prepare to be disappointed
- step up my gym routine
- work out more
- don't eat so much, especially after 8pm
- drink less
- look at coloured contacts
- get the boy I want
- stay away from the gay scene for a while
- drink lots of water
- get a job
- do a bartending course in the holidays
i need one
town was shit tonite
feel dirty and bad
wasn't a feel gud nite.
bleh. i need to settle down
i don't know if he likes me?
i probably won't even bother
this is just annoying
there's this older guy who i like
maybe a bit more than just 'like'
like i actually want him more than the rest
i care a bit about him
i picture myself with him. and not in bed
we insult each other. sometimes he tried to be a sarcastic prick. maybe because i'm one. good. at least he's not some pathetic puppy-like why-don't-you-love-me guy. he's smart and assertive. he's different than the rest.
friend needs to stop complaining about shit and suck shit up
everytime i talk to her (more like when she talks to me) she's complaining about something
and it's not like i don't care, i do. i've called her up, consoled her, made her laugh, distracted her, gave her advice, so much advice, for months.
but she just never gets better. and it's getting irritating. tiring. she needs to learn to be stronger and more independent.
black and grey :D they're awesome
go well with my boots too
I LOVE THEM
I'm back from the debating tournament! It was a fun and fulfilling experience. My best friend from from Wellington received best speaker. He smokes now, interestingly because he used to disapprove of me doing so. My team only lost one debate, and it was to the third ranked team with a split judging panel. I learned so much and met so many people.