i don't know if he likes me?
i probably won't even bother
this is just annoying
there's this older guy who i like
maybe a bit more than just 'like'
like i actually want him more than the rest
i care a bit about him
i picture myself with him. and not in bed
we insult each other. sometimes he tried to be a sarcastic prick. maybe because i'm one. good. at least he's not some pathetic puppy-like why-don't-you-love-me guy. he's smart and assertive. he's different than the rest.
friend needs to stop complaining about shit and suck shit up
everytime i talk to her (more like when she talks to me) she's complaining about something
and it's not like i don't care, i do. i've called her up, consoled her, made her laugh, distracted her, gave her advice, so much advice, for months.
but she just never gets better. and it's getting irritating. tiring. she needs to learn to be stronger and more independent.
black and grey :D they're awesome
go well with my boots too
I LOVE THEM
I'm back from the debating tournament! It was a fun and fulfilling experience. My best friend from from Wellington received best speaker. He smokes now, interestingly because he used to disapprove of me doing so. My team only lost one debate, and it was to the third ranked team with a split judging panel. I learned so much and met so many people.
Leaving for Hamilton tomorrow! I'm so excited! I'll be there for the whole weekend meeting people from all around the country. One of my best friends will be there too. I heard he turned into a hippie... he smokes cigars and is a vegetarian now. lol.
I need to fucking fall in love.
Why is it so fucking hard.
I can't even feel that feeling anymore. It's all physical. Or about my ego. It's about competition, image, pleasure. Whatever.
I just want to fall completely ridiculously openly desperately in love with someone perfect.
But none of them are perfect. They're just stupid or clingy or boring or pathetic or useless or bitchy.
I had a dream last night. It's weird I can't describe it. But I hugged some imaginary boy I didn't know and cried. It felt real. I know dreams don't mean shit, but it reminded me when I wasn't single.
Tomorrow I have philosophy class with some guy I got with during the weekend... He didn't know I was gay and we barely knew each other except that we were in each other's class. This'll be interesting tomorrow lol...
I'm going out of Auckland from Friday-Sunday to attend a national debating competition. One of my best friends from Wellington will be there too. I'm excited.
He's quirky. He's wierd. He's -stupid- or should I say idealistic. He's a hopeless romantic. He doesn't study. He does't have a job. But I sort of like him?
I met this boy on Saturday. No, actually I met him a few weeks back, Tristan. I mentioned him in an entry when he got my number but he was with someone back then. Well, they broke up now and I bumped into him again at the clubs. He called out to me and I went to sit with them. One of them was some guy I talked to earlier as well, it's interesting how small the gay community is.
Like... seriously?! They should do a study on it.
Large, Huge, Vente, Massive... whatever you call it
I had too much coffee (with milk) - now
I feel like a fatty
And I can't sleep
not much to say
except sick (headache) and really tired from assignments
i wrote one
started the second. third one due very soon also
have a model UN conference on saturday
then development squad debating on sunday
good thing i 'dropped out' from development squad for the uni business consulting team. that would've gone for five weeks every sunday 9am-6pm.
then the next week i'm going out of auckland for a intercollegial debating competition
much much to do
i NEED to sleep
i didn't even feel like talkin to anyone today. so not me. just. so. tired.
Alcohol does funny things to you.
I don't know if that guy I got with last weekend likes me. He said I was really hot. We had sex, I loved it. I texted him tonight he texted back real quick, but I don't know how he feels. I don't know how I feel either. I want to be in control, but it sort of feels so right when I'm with him. We didn't meet up in the end. Maybe I shouldn't have text him.
i want to kill myself
don't tell me what to do
just leave me alone
don't patronise me and
i'll be ok