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being a gud boi and staying home tonite!

Yuppppppp

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a boy, the boy, some boy

there's this older guy who i like
he's 22
maybe a bit more than just 'like'

like i actually want him more than the rest
i care a bit about him
i picture myself with him. and not in bed

we insult each other. sometimes he tried to be a sarcastic prick. maybe because i'm one. good. at least he's not some pathetic puppy-like why-don't-you-love-me guy. he's smart and assertive. he's different than the rest.

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annoying people

friend needs to stop complaining about shit and suck shit up

everytime i talk to her (more like when she talks to me) she's complaining about something
and it's not like i don't care, i do. i've called her up, consoled her, made her laugh, distracted her, gave her advice, so much advice, for months.

but she just never gets better. and it's getting irritating. tiring. she needs to learn to be stronger and more independent.

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i bought skinny jeans :D

black and grey :D they're awesome
go well with my boots too

I LOVE THEM

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Back to Auckland

I'm back from the debating tournament! It was a fun and fulfilling experience. My best friend from from Wellington received best speaker. He smokes now, interestingly because he used to disapprove of me doing so. My team only lost one debate, and it was to the third ranked team with a split judging panel. I learned so much and met so many people.

Tags:
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Body Image

Leaving for Hamilton tomorrow! I'm so excited! I'll be there for the whole weekend meeting people from all around the country. One of my best friends will be there too. I heard he turned into a hippie... he smokes cigars and is a vegetarian now. lol.

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The thing is I don't want a relationship but I want to be in love.

I need to fucking fall in love.

Why is it so fucking hard.
I can't even feel that feeling anymore. It's all physical. Or about my ego. It's about competition, image, pleasure. Whatever.
I just want to fall completely ridiculously openly desperately in love with someone perfect.

But none of them are perfect. They're just stupid or clingy or boring or pathetic or useless or bitchy.

I had a dream last night. It's weird I can't describe it. But I hugged some imaginary boy I didn't know and cried. It felt real. I know dreams don't mean shit, but it reminded me when I wasn't single.

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This-and-that

Tomorrow I have philosophy class with some guy I got with during the weekend... He didn't know I was gay and we barely knew each other except that we were in each other's class. This'll be interesting tomorrow lol...

I'm going out of Auckland from Friday-Sunday to attend a national debating competition. One of my best friends from Wellington will be there too. I'm excited.

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Tristan

He's quirky. He's wierd. He's -stupid- or should I say idealistic. He's a hopeless romantic. He doesn't study. He does't have a job. But I sort of like him?

I met this boy on Saturday. No, actually I met him a few weeks back, Tristan. I mentioned him in an entry when he got my number but he was with someone back then. Well, they broke up now and I bumped into him again at the clubs. He called out to me and I went to sit with them. One of them was some guy I talked to earlier as well, it's interesting how small the gay community is.

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People look a lot better in the dark?!

Like... seriously?! They should do a study on it.

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Ampio Latte

Large, Huge, Vente, Massive... whatever you call it

I had too much coffee (with milk) - now
I feel like a fatty
And I can't sleep
GREAT

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much to do

not much to say

except sick (headache) and really tired from assignments
i wrote one
started the second. third one due very soon also

have a model UN conference on saturday
then development squad debating on sunday

good thing i 'dropped out' from development squad for the uni business consulting team. that would've gone for five weeks every sunday 9am-6pm.

then the next week i'm going out of auckland for a intercollegial debating competition

much much to do
i NEED to sleep
i didn't even feel like talkin to anyone today. so not me. just. so. tired.

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Tik Clokword blue

Alcohol does funny things to you.

I don't know if that guy I got with last weekend likes me. He said I was really hot. We had sex, I loved it. I texted him tonight he texted back real quick, but I don't know how he feels. I don't know how I feel either. I want to be in control, but it sort of feels so right when I'm with him. We didn't meet up in the end. Maybe I shouldn't have text him.

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green tea

i want to kill myself

don't tell me what to do
just leave me alone

don't patronise me and
i'll be ok

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!

I want a $5000000000 haircut

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