In love with a boy.
Someone I'll never be with.
Wednesday night, 11pm.
I think to write, to write convincingly no matter how trivial, serious or amusing, you must feel passionate or strongly about something (even if it's strong apathy). Something you believe in, or something that has provoked some sort of emotion in you. It must be genuinely felt. Even when you can relate to something, writing the transferred experiences are still never as convincing applied under speculation.
That's why sometimes I can't write.
I'm such a fucking retard.
Didn't register for this important test for university next year.
Oh well at least I have another chance next year.
That reminds me, better keep an eye on when the SATs are.
Fuck it, just getting so slack and unorganised.
Recently got back from Taiwan. Seeing the family. Too much to say. They're the same. A bit older.
People come to me for help. I'm so stressed. School started. Sleep deprived. Internals full fledged and no mercy.
God damn. Really want a proper update about my own life, but no time now.
Don't see this as a cry for help. I'm merely recounting my emotions.
Just haven't been a good week.
The whole prefect drama. That got me pretty down obviously, even with absolute overwhelming support of all my friends and peers at the college. Just feel so much injustice. One of my friends call it the censorship of a well-intentioned individual. My other friend calls it authoritarian. Everyone's been so supportive, and it gets me up, but I can't but feel down again after a while.
If they want to censor so much, why don't they just write our last words for us? Everyone thinks that.
I did my last word in assembly today. Every prefect take turns doing a speech in front of the entire school.
It was amazing. Everyone laughed (in fact some were reeling with pain). Got a standing ovation with hoots and shouts. Also "subtly" came out. People from school are even starting a facebook appreciation club.
But obviously my speech was not politically correct enough like all the other last words.
The headmaster took my prefect badge off me.
Even when she had approved the speech before hand.
Lol, apparently there's a wave of herpes going rampant around our school.
Now it's all over...
It was an epic night, totally didn't want it to end.
Not enough time to dance, to take photos, to talk to everyone, to enjoy the music, not even enough time to enjoy the nice food.
That was my last high school ball and I can't believe it's over.
I wore a white suit (for your info), and I loved it! Now there's so much smudge marks from the foundation after hugging people lol... It was also nice to see teachers all dressed up.
Caught the flu the day just before the ball!
Damnit! Oh well. And so much work I'm meant to do this weekend. I'll just forget all of that for tomorrow... Sunday will be a bitch.
Although it's only a school competition, we bet the three other houses! WE WON!
'Don't go breaking my heart'
Our team won the Model United Nations of Auckland 2009!
I'm so happy and proud of myself. People stood up and applauded because every single speech we did was hilarious. And it wasn't just hilarious, it was witty humour, good delivery and excellent acting. And I wrote them all and delivered most of them, half of them written like 20 minutes before speaking lol. And we roleplayed really well as well. I really need to work on my Mexican accent though, it kept switching from Indian to Mexican - but New Zealanders don't know any better lol.
Broke down again at school today. Happened after school during scholarship chemistry. Got shit results for two tests during the day, and everything was just turning to shit, and more work tomorrow and such. Gosh, these breakdowns are more frequent and so out of the blue. Just too stressed and I hate it when it happens - and hate when people ask all these questions. Just want to be left the fuck alone. Because they don't understand. No one fucking understands, because they're so stressed out themselves as well. They'll just put put me in a box just like they have been doing.
Had small drinks on a friend's boat last night (yes, we are spoiled brats)... and this supposedly 'straight' guy got really drunk and kissed me twice! But then he kissed two girls too, so he was just really drunk lol.
For all of you oblivious people, guess what - it's Queen's Birthday weekend in New Zealand. That means I get tomorrow (Friday) and the weekend and Monday off. SO EPIC. YEAH.
That's why there's a party on tonight. Just got home... It was in town, my mate she rented a whole club and it was pretty crazy! Danced till I dropped... gawd I'm so tired right now. Had so much fun! Raving, talking, screaming, ranting and talking about nothing and everything...
Although it might sound like an ego boost more than anything, which is definitely not my intention, I'm sick of chicks falling for me instead of guys.
On the weekend when I go to parties, I get to meet all these people. And half of them tends to be whipped bitches, some drunk, some easy, some sleezy, and given those preconditions it's not hard for them to fall for me. Point is, while it's flattering knowing someone likes me, it is also disheartening every single time to know it's a girl and not a guy.