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Very vivid nightmare that I had...

It is the 17/08/08, early morning.

After a nightmare.

I'm going to write this down.

Because I'm not going to make this one of those moments that will fade away with time. That's all too depressing. If it slowly fades away, eventually it will mean nothing and that's frustrating. Instead I will transfer this abstract concept /thought into tangible words that will remind me for eternity.

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Downbuzz...

Yesterday farewelled two of my best friends at the airport. They're going France for six months... lots of us cried (I didn't.. but maybe I should've).

We tried on ball dresses/stuff and took some kick as pictures! (to try and ease the pain)

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Contempt, disappointment, apathy

- Saw comment from his new bf, indicating they've been going out since 09/08/08 morning at the latest.
- He was still texting me Friday pretending it's okay (about Olympic ceremony...)
- 'Busy with mom' on Saturday? Party at night? Who's party? He's so hung over on Sunday
- He still abruptly stops texting me
- Stop taking things for granted, bitch
- You don't deserve all this

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Immolation (Poem)

Pendulum swings only that little lower
Yet it goes with more haste and only more rapid
Closer to its final halt with each consecutive swing
Ripples only try to extend
To the other side of the ocean
But eventually so dim that their faint outline
Blends into the slim shade of the soft surrounding
Double-ended candle
Bursting in flames and light
Shame that hastier is its hurried urge to

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Dream...

Mate... I just had the weirdest dream...

I just broke up with my 6-month boyfriend a few days ago... emotionally I've a lot more stable... but last night I had a weird as dream...

I dreamed that was at this party with this chick mate of mine... and we hooked up and all these 'other' things! I didn't think it was a dream and it seemed like I was 'into' it... Ay. WTF MATE.

xD But I'm gay!

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Self-Note (Six month + his coming out)

- Yesterday's our six month (Monday)
- We celebrated two days before on Sunday
- I have mixed feelings about it
- I did that photo thing when he abruptly left. I surprised him when I got home. He said he was moved
- His parents found out he was gay yesterday

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Interesting...

At a party last night two friends pulled me to the side and came out bi to me. They were quite drunk but they were serious. They wanted to tell me for ages but were really nervous lol... It's a guy mate and a chick! They're still closetted though, but it feels good people can trust me and talk to me about this 'cause I'm out.

It all makes sense now!

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Hmm...

Okay I'm not good with titles. But having a mean low right now...

I'm confused about my feelings for my boyfriend...
Listening to sad songs aren't exactly helping either...
The best teacher I've ever had is leaving for Hong Kong in like two months...
Thinking too much, feeling too much, knowing too much...

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Prom, drama, and sex

There's no sex. But one big fucking prom and a huge handful of unwanted drama.

Oh mother, well I basically had a ball date. Which is a chick and we are just going as friend. It's all finalised, until one of my best friends from another school wants me to take her, so then I had to ditch my ex-date for her.

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Yay.

There's a few things to be 'Yay' about!

First of all, Term 1 is over. Break starts tomorrow and I'm flying to Taiwan for some mean shopping fun! Although I'll miss my friends and my boyfriend it's kind of like an escape for me haha. It's a change from the constant I know in my life so I don't feel trapped! Ah, stop. No one wants to know.

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Need a little help for formal writing!

Hey guys, hopefully this isn't asking too much but I'm writing a formal report about mistreatment of homosexuals (by law and by society) and the consequences. I've looked up lots of of articles already but I also need LITERATURE which I can quote 'evidence' and 'examples' from. Which will reflect either the society's attitudes and/or the consequences for the marginalized individual.

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Results of our first date:

About Andi...

He's a Primary friend from way back. I only started talking to him again a few days ago after 7+ years of silence. He told me he was also gay!

Well, yesterday I went to town at night to hang out with Joseph and Andi after some other social function. Although I was only in town for a few hours but Andi later told me I made an excellent first impression that night. Hehe.

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I knew it!

He's gay.. he's gay.. he's gay! He's a fucking faggot!

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Wah...

I have no idea, but I'm suddenly having this extreme apprehension. Must be caffeine. It's only 'cause of the caffeine... It must be the caffeine...

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Lonely...

So this is just another one of those moments when its past 12am, and I'm sitting by myself at the computer... contemplating weird thoughts.

I'm so lonely. I admit. Moments like these he comes back to my mind, and it hurts. But all I can feel now is just hate and regret and immense stupidity. I feel used. How could he.

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