so fucking stressed. basically had 20 hour days of work with 3 hours of sleep each for three days already. student elections, tests, tests, moot, test, campaigning, campaigning, campaigning. No I didn't just get 3 hours of sleep by choice or because I am procrastinating. I am literally doing something for twenty hours until I actually physically can't sit/stand anymore. On my fourth cup of coffee at 3am studying for a test. Have to be up at six for campaigning. I am going to die.
I'm losing my mind. I'm on the verge of breaking down.
So I saw his brother in the crowd last night, which reminded me of him. It was only a shadow of him, nothing like the real thing, because after all it wasn't him. It was an eerie feeling, because they looked so similar, except one I knew so well, and the other is almost a stranger; yet the sight of the latter made my heart sink. His brother carried an almost hollow resemblance of him, and embodied what I didn't want to be reminded of: how far away he was despite the close and lasting impact he has had on my life.
Life has really been up and down lately.
So over the Summer I saw my parents for the first time in two years. They were nice, my dad is still arrogant and immature and my mom is still naive. I miss them but I felt like these people never really knew me. I guess that could change, it would be nice to have a supportive family constantly there - but the cultural differences and the language barrier is just too much of a problem. They never will understand.
I am stupid and I am ugly I will never be happy
I forgot who it was that said to get over someone, you should write a novel. But because I have neither the time nor the ability, maybe I have been approaching it the wrong way. I thought I had to fall madly crazy hopelessly fall or another person as if i was metaphorically writing myself another chapter, or if that didn't work, distract myself with an extravagant and excessive lifestyle where everything blurred into one another like I was in some tv series where something has to happen all the time.