So I have this heavy heavy sinking feeling. Not sadness but more grave and sombre. So the reason why he is back in the country is because his dad just passed away. His dad would've been in his fifties, and he was healthy last year and the last time I heard of his dad they just had a new baby. So I had no idea what happened. I felt blank for a moment when I heard it, I can only imagine what he is going through.
- - - - -
So I won the student bi-election. The whole ordeal made me realise who I could trust, that politics really is dirty, and a whole new level of nuance when reading people - and holy crap all the internal "drama" and external "issues" that need to be addressed.
so fucking stressed. basically had 20 hour days of work with 3 hours of sleep each for three days already. student elections, tests, tests, moot, test, campaigning, campaigning, campaigning. No I didn't just get 3 hours of sleep by choice or because I am procrastinating. I am literally doing something for twenty hours until I actually physically can't sit/stand anymore. On my fourth cup of coffee at 3am studying for a test. Have to be up at six for campaigning. I am going to die.
I'm losing my mind. I'm on the verge of breaking down.
So I saw his brother in the crowd last night, which reminded me of him. It was only a shadow of him, nothing like the real thing, because after all it wasn't him. It was an eerie feeling, because they looked so similar, except one I knew so well, and the other is almost a stranger; yet the sight of the latter made my heart sink. His brother carried an almost hollow resemblance of him, and embodied what I didn't want to be reminded of: how far away he was despite the close and lasting impact he has had on my life.
Life has really been up and down lately.
So over the Summer I saw my parents for the first time in two years. They were nice, my dad is still arrogant and immature and my mom is still naive. I miss them but I felt like these people never really knew me. I guess that could change, it would be nice to have a supportive family constantly there - but the cultural differences and the language barrier is just too much of a problem. They never will understand.
This is a private journal.
This is a private journal
this is a private journal