Okay you dirty little whore mouse button made me refresh the page and I have to retype this. Rah! Okay thank God I'm in a good mood or I might go eat a zonkey or something.
Hmm okay yeah that crush of mine. I'll call him Sam.
Whoop! Last day of February!
Oklies, another thing I need to improve on is not be tempted so easily by things I want. I've been buying too much food lately 'cause I'm just hungus like that. So I spent all my allowance on food this week (Hory crap I sound like some compulsive eating mofo). But neways I'm still lanky as a stick so I also find that odd.
After hours of studying and crap, I've got MOST of my homework done. School's really getting to become a pain in the arse. It's 11:30 pm already and I'm yearning to get my shower.
I am the only constant in my life*****
Don't beat myself over things****
Don't be too hard on myself***
I can be myself free from depression*****
Perfectionism is far-fetched****
If I take care of the small things, the big things will follow*****
No family is perfect**
I have great friends that I don't always acknowledge***
The Grand Garden
I open my eyes
It seems like it was still a dream
But no longer does it matter
What they say true remains truth
No longer does doves symbolise peace
Those vultures scavenge among wingless angels
When did ‘it' start feeling alone?
They say it was always like this
Maybe we ought to believe
But when children diseased
I feel so alone right now. I want to talk to someone but I just don't want to talk about it either. I feel like I want to do something yet I want to stay in solitude. This is so messed up.
Okay so school's started and all... we get so much homework this year... and I have so much commitment like volleyball (which I'll probably drop =\), debating, science national brain challenge, piano and extra tutoring this term I just can't manage enough time to do the things I love.
Okay, well well well. Sorry about the title I have a tendency to put random things up there when I can't think of anything. So umm... this just a little update.
Okay, right now it's past 4am and I've been up the whole night. I'm merely posting this to get stuff off my mind because there's been so much I had to absorb over the past hours. I can not think or engage in critical thought at this very moment, perhaps all I'm writing is simply an act of reflex, an urge to pour out the emotions within me.
With the Overseer
Okay, so I'm ranting on agen, after my recent fucked up depression... today I was out with some friends then I lost my wallet somewhere. There were like $200 bucks and a $50 bus card along with my key, ID card and other shit. This is really pissing me off, that money took me ages to save, and I thought I would treat myself to some new clothes after feeling so fucked up with the money I saved throughout the year...
I was going to think I'm probably having a period if I was a girl but I'm not so I don't what the hell is wrong with me this whole day I was being a bitch to my mum, people on the streets, my sister, and just everyone in general. I guess I'm tired, but I'm also angry and frustrated at so many fucking things on my fucking mind. I'm such a selfish, sad person who can't control myself and only bring misery to people around me.
GLBT guys I know: (Just Making a List)
Arfa: (Bi) I met him through mogenic, apparently he was alright at first except when he started liking me he was extremely clingy and annoying so I tend to avoid him now.
Tyler: (Bi) A friend I knew back in Primary, then went back to Taiwan and lost contact. We miraculously got in touch again through our friend Julie when I accidentally found out he came back to NZ. I found out about his bisexuality but he was already going out with Vic which he recently broke up with. He has a really hard to understand personality and never takes things seriously.
Sorry about the previous journal entry it was rather short and unexplained... because I was surprised and don't know what the hell was going on. Now that I have a better idea (just a tiny tiny little bit) I'm going to write more about it.
Well, you see there's three gay/bi guys amidst our group of GLBT group of friends. When I knew these people the other two were basically going out so I felt a bit lonely (those were Vic and Tyler). But it wasn't that simple, we had many complications... Vic and Tyler had some relationship problems, and within that we had wierd crushes on each other etc. But all those times I waited and held myself back to the chances I had to get one of them, choosing a stronger friendship instead.
Vic broke up with Tyler!