Sorry about the previous journal entry it was rather short and unexplained... because I was surprised and don't know what the hell was going on. Now that I have a better idea (just a tiny tiny little bit) I'm going to write more about it.
Well, you see there's three gay/bi guys amidst our group of GLBT group of friends. When I knew these people the other two were basically going out so I felt a bit lonely (those were Vic and Tyler). But it wasn't that simple, we had many complications... Vic and Tyler had some relationship problems, and within that we had wierd crushes on each other etc. But all those times I waited and held myself back to the chances I had to get one of them, choosing a stronger friendship instead.
Vic broke up with Tyler!
Story, "The Innocent Wolf", 14/11/06
I wrote this story because I was a bit bored~ Well here it is I hope you guys like~ ^^
The Innocent Wolf
I'm having some confusion about my friends, I don't know if some of them are good friends or not... I hate it when friends clash and argue... I hate it when they talk behind people's back... I hate it when they change and become different... I hate it when they're up themselves... I hate it when they are manipulative... I hate it when they are blind to other's thoughts/needs... I hate to label them just good or bad, or to rate them better or worse... I hate it when they disappoint because expectations are not met... blah blah blah so much more on my mind I just don't know how to get it down >< Friends are confusing and I hate it so much, but I also love them too. I confuse myself.
Hate it when all people think about who I am now is just "gay"... I mean there's a whole lot more to me than just that -_-;;
Okay, just got scolded for getting home at 12... I know it's my fault but just feeling stink at the moment
Mm just went to a birthday/halloween party it was so awesome haha I had so much fun I didn't want to leave >< Oh I dressed up as a blue fairy :D
At first we just hung out at Mel's house, we ate, talked, bummed around... then we watched part of "When a Stranger Calls" but it was boring so we called it off..
Then Julie's sister went and bought some alcohol (just some *rolls eyes*) lol then we started playing spin the bottle (truth or dare) it was so fun lolz.
Well, I was kind of going to go out with this bi person called Tom tomorrow... but he just texted me today saying he couldn't go so blah...
I don't have a crush on him or anything... but we knew each other through our friend Steph (Tom's from a different school.) Then we decided we were gona meet each other by ourselves in town tomorrow and see how it turns out. Well, it seems like he can't go now so I guess I'm a little disappointed. All my other friends were really excited about it (more than I am) so when I tell them they would all be more disappointed than I am lol. Newayz, that's just a little update.
Hm okies where was I up to last time..
Okay well, as some of you know... there's this wierd love/frienship triangle-sh going on between me and my friends... I just thought I would update it a little (for my own reference and reflection as well).
At one point all this was happening at the same time:
Julie (straight) was in a relationship with Darren (bisexual)
Darren (bisexual) had a crush on Tyler (bisexual)
Well I had my birthday party yesterday, it was awesome... even though some people couldn't make it. I stuck all the cards (some of them didn't gimme a card :(, only a prezzie)on my wall so it reminds me of the great friends I have when I fee low. Oh oh and my crush Tyler made me a rainbow scarf!! I was wearing that the whole day in town during my birthday... people kept staring at me but I didn't care~ I even ran to an intersection and screamed "I HAVE A RAINBOW SCARF AND YOU DON'T!" And started waving it around lol...
Okay two days ago, which was Tuesday, I was talking to Vic on MSN about my birthday plan and some changes. Then I got annoyed because I think MSN is the gayest piece of shit ever so I called him instead. That's when the wierd things started to happen.
FYI: Vic is the boyfriend of my crush, Tyler. Yet the relationship between all three of us and our friends are immensely complicated. We've had all sorts of wierd crushes on each other openly or secretly during or outside of relationships. Yet for some reason we still manage to stay close and as good friends.
Argh, it's my birthday but a few TINY things just can't stop annoying me. (Warning: Unproof-read, and jumbled sentences that won't make sense)
Okay firstly (this is going to sound retarded), I was so tired today. I like slept the whole time on my school bus, during tutor time and was so fucked up during the entire day. So throughout my birthday I basically just felt screwed up completely. This ultimately made me incapable of engaging in proper conversation with many people that were so nice to me on my birthday (at school).
Okay I really just feel like confessing my thoughts here, so prepare to hear me rant on.
Life's been a bitch lately... after school just started today I've already started my exam study. I'm seriously panicking about how I'll do and keeping my marks reasonably high. On top of that I'm even panicking more about my piano exam, which I haven't been able to practise for the two weeks away in Japan. I also saw all my straight straight crushes at school and yet again they returned into my life after I've forgotten them all those times. These things along with many few other tiny aspects of my life continue to keep my body and mind unpeaceful.
That very day we met
Despite how fast we bonded
You still unknowingly
Through this genuine friendship
Set me this trap
This trap is fatal
Yet having no reward
Only the lust for a fantasy
A fantasy that stemmed from void
In which drew me closer
So odd I approached a trap
When what I could have is within my grasp
I consciously let myself
Fall for your temptation
Denying myself of truth and danger
I point my finger
Oh, they're not my type
Boasting my blinding arrogance
I point my finger
Sorry, let's just be friends
Breaking the heart of another
I point my finger
Ok, someone perfect will come
Waiting through rejected opportuninties
I point my finger
Please, show up and save me
Ignoring the many that already passed by
So in the end
I point my finger at myself