Okay, right now it's past 4am and I've been up the whole night. I'm merely posting this to get stuff off my mind because there's been so much I had to absorb over the past hours. I can not think or engage in critical thought at this very moment, perhaps all I'm writing is simply an act of reflex, an urge to pour out the emotions within me.
With the Overseer
Okay, so I'm ranting on agen, after my recent fucked up depression... today I was out with some friends then I lost my wallet somewhere. There were like $200 bucks and a $50 bus card along with my key, ID card and other shit. This is really pissing me off, that money took me ages to save, and I thought I would treat myself to some new clothes after feeling so fucked up with the money I saved throughout the year...
I was going to think I'm probably having a period if I was a girl but I'm not so I don't what the hell is wrong with me this whole day I was being a bitch to my mum, people on the streets, my sister, and just everyone in general. I guess I'm tired, but I'm also angry and frustrated at so many fucking things on my fucking mind. I'm such a selfish, sad person who can't control myself and only bring misery to people around me.
GLBT guys I know: (Just Making a List)
Arfa: (Bi) I met him through mogenic, apparently he was alright at first except when he started liking me he was extremely clingy and annoying so I tend to avoid him now.
Tyler: (Bi) A friend I knew back in Primary, then went back to Taiwan and lost contact. We miraculously got in touch again through our friend Julie when I accidentally found out he came back to NZ. I found out about his bisexuality but he was already going out with Vic which he recently broke up with. He has a really hard to understand personality and never takes things seriously.
Sorry about the previous journal entry it was rather short and unexplained... because I was surprised and don't know what the hell was going on. Now that I have a better idea (just a tiny tiny little bit) I'm going to write more about it.
Well, you see there's three gay/bi guys amidst our group of GLBT group of friends. When I knew these people the other two were basically going out so I felt a bit lonely (those were Vic and Tyler). But it wasn't that simple, we had many complications... Vic and Tyler had some relationship problems, and within that we had wierd crushes on each other etc. But all those times I waited and held myself back to the chances I had to get one of them, choosing a stronger friendship instead.
Vic broke up with Tyler!
Story, "The Innocent Wolf", 14/11/06
I wrote this story because I was a bit bored~ Well here it is I hope you guys like~ ^^
The Innocent Wolf
I'm having some confusion about my friends, I don't know if some of them are good friends or not... I hate it when friends clash and argue... I hate it when they talk behind people's back... I hate it when they change and become different... I hate it when they're up themselves... I hate it when they are manipulative... I hate it when they are blind to other's thoughts/needs... I hate to label them just good or bad, or to rate them better or worse... I hate it when they disappoint because expectations are not met... blah blah blah so much more on my mind I just don't know how to get it down >< Friends are confusing and I hate it so much, but I also love them too. I confuse myself.
Hate it when all people think about who I am now is just "gay"... I mean there's a whole lot more to me than just that -_-;;
Okay, just got scolded for getting home at 12... I know it's my fault but just feeling stink at the moment
Mm just went to a birthday/halloween party it was so awesome haha I had so much fun I didn't want to leave >< Oh I dressed up as a blue fairy :D
At first we just hung out at Mel's house, we ate, talked, bummed around... then we watched part of "When a Stranger Calls" but it was boring so we called it off..
Then Julie's sister went and bought some alcohol (just some *rolls eyes*) lol then we started playing spin the bottle (truth or dare) it was so fun lolz.
Well, I was kind of going to go out with this bi person called Tom tomorrow... but he just texted me today saying he couldn't go so blah...
I don't have a crush on him or anything... but we knew each other through our friend Steph (Tom's from a different school.) Then we decided we were gona meet each other by ourselves in town tomorrow and see how it turns out. Well, it seems like he can't go now so I guess I'm a little disappointed. All my other friends were really excited about it (more than I am) so when I tell them they would all be more disappointed than I am lol. Newayz, that's just a little update.
Hm okies where was I up to last time..
Okay well, as some of you know... there's this wierd love/frienship triangle-sh going on between me and my friends... I just thought I would update it a little (for my own reference and reflection as well).
At one point all this was happening at the same time:
Julie (straight) was in a relationship with Darren (bisexual)
Darren (bisexual) had a crush on Tyler (bisexual)
Well I had my birthday party yesterday, it was awesome... even though some people couldn't make it. I stuck all the cards (some of them didn't gimme a card :(, only a prezzie)on my wall so it reminds me of the great friends I have when I fee low. Oh oh and my crush Tyler made me a rainbow scarf!! I was wearing that the whole day in town during my birthday... people kept staring at me but I didn't care~ I even ran to an intersection and screamed "I HAVE A RAINBOW SCARF AND YOU DON'T!" And started waving it around lol...