I saw the school counsellor today. I did not really like seeing a counsellor because I hate people finding out. To be honest he is a nice person but I didn't really think his feedback was very helpful. He almost just repeated everything I thought of or already knew. I didn't really even know why I went and saw him.
(I get amused by the most boring things but..)Well, guess what else happened else happened today. First of all, at interval Daniel was trying to finish a bottle of H2GO as fast as he could and I was timing him if he could finish it under 30 seconds but he drank too fast and suddenly he puked out the water that was in his mouth lol. Heck that was funni I wish I caught that on video xD. It was like super embarrassing for him lol.
This is the first text I got on my wonderful Sunday morning. I never really thought my crush would send a text to me out of nothing.. but hey.. it's just a chainmail.
Here's what it says:
So promise me we'll F.U.C.K 4eva!
Send this 2 10 ppl & 1 bak 2 me. To kno who ur true F.U.C.K buddies are!
Lol.. that's crack up. I sent one back...
"We gather here today to mourn the passing of Kalie Water. Who is also a loving friend, sister, daughter as well as a devoted civil union partner."
Teagan clenched her fists tightly. She was unable to unleash herself like those near her, who were drowning the church in a form of tense misery. It would be understandable and conventional for her to do the same but it is not her philosophy. She is not going to shed torturing tears.
I know for myself I have the least to complain compared to all the adversities a lot of other people are going through... but for myself I've been really annoyed recently by a lot of things...
Recently I've been reflecting on the whole sexuality thing... I've started to wonder again if I really am gay... or bi. I don't know why I need this label so much. Maybe it can develop my assertiveness when I say "I'm gay/bi" if someone asks. The sad truth is that because I'm not sure myself I'm making it hard for everyone to understand "what" I am too. It's creating confusion for my friends and becoming a issue certain indivudals abuse me for and I really don't know what I want, what I need to say and how I should action or say it.
Haha, so there ain't any old priest dude preaching to us with a cross on his back.
Well first I went to John's place. In the end, Daniel, John and I found it more convinient if I went to John's place instead of going to Daniel's place before the youthgroup starts because Daniel isn't going to turn up on time.
First when I was walking with Daniel, Mike, Steph, John, Rory, Thomas to their street... Steph was like this to Daniel "Hey is that guy (Mike) going to your place as well? (That was when I was still going to Daniel's house)". Then Daniel was like "No, why would he?". Then Steph was like "Well, because it seems like you're bringing a gay guy home alone." - Steph is funni xD
Well, last Friday Daniel asked me to go to this youthgroup thing but I said I have to check with my guardians first so in the end I decided that I'd kum this week.
Apparently John, Michael, Thomas, Daniel, Teagan and a bunch of other people are also coming. It's gona be fun as. Woo! It goes until 9:30. Daniel keeps telling me how great it is to be a Christian (apparently I'm the only one out of all those people that ain't one :P). He said he's gona "amaze" me with his christianity 2moro. xD Before the youthgroup starts I'll be going to his house first anyways.
Well, our house internet is down and apparently only my laptop has it's internet working... so my sister came into my room to borrow my laptop so she kan log onto her skool website. I was like "help yourself" so she got on and maximised my browser from the taskbar. And uh.. oops.. I forgot I was enjoying myself looking at pics of guys making out just then lol. So she saw them and uhhhh then she just minimised it agen and opened a new browser window.
Oh yes, I have unofficially become one of the nerdiest guys in the year. =]
Today at my (already) extension maths class, our teacher was calling out everyone's Level 1 achievement results. The teacher said that she would've given me a E+++++++++ if she could (E as in Excellence). Man, I was getting a lil bit nervous with the attention and staring of people when she said that. But it ain't that bad I guess... Ryan started clapping and everyone joined in, which soothed the atmosphere by a lot. She also said she's going to use this as a model answer for other classes doing Level 1 achievement.
Story idea credited to this one by Dark-Lord: It's basically the main theme, I just wanted to practise it in my own writing style. http://www.oasismag.com/node/view/17830
Forever and Ever
The clockticking echoed itself in the deafening silence. A young figure rested his bottom on the surface of the chair; but at the bottom of his heart he is restless. His feet shuffled consitently as if they have contracted fire. A white man entered the room, dissolving into the quietness.
Richard was frozen. You can imagine him shattering into unfixble bits if you managed to touch him. The white man approached the teen that was clutching to his inanimate friend's hand like a street child clinging onto a bitten loaf of bread. The atmosphere was choking. This made the doctor's words tense. "You should go home and get some rest yourself my boy...". The street child tensed his hands harder. The doctor understood and left the room again.
It was all an accident. The tree projected it's limbs into the windscreen and all Richard knew is that he is smothered in his friend's blood. His beloved friend has been asleep since. Only now that nothing can muffle the "I'll be with you here, forever and ever" that Richard keeps congesting in his mouth right until now, the midnight of the incident.
Well, my coming out isn't that bad I guess. Since I ain't ready, I still get nervous wondering what I would say if someone asked me if I was gay (being the rather shy person I am). However, everything's been great I suppose. Most people's still the same... Michael and Daniel are the ones who makes jokes on my queerness in a way I don't feel all tightened up. Ting is still the same guy pretty much, although I haven't heard a homophobic remark from him since I "explained" to him how I feel about the whole issue. Josh and Atsu is still kind of clueless about the whole thing... Alex can be an ass sometimes... and Nelson still likes to think I'm straight and making reasons for me "not" being gay. I dun really know what Nixon thinks. Sometimes he calls me a queer and tells me to go away, but sometimes he can be really nice to be around with and laughs at the random things I say (Yes, the same old Nixon I know... changes all the time). Robert starts calling me the tall lanky Asian that shaves his legs. I don't mind actually, just the same way I don't really mind Stephanie, Teagan and Kalie calling me Maxine.
Okay, nothing much happened really... just felt like revising on what I did.
Got up rather early for a Sunday due to end of daylight saving... found out I was the only one home =\
Well, so I didn't do much really. I ran to my Chinese tutor's place to return one of her books I borrowed because I doubt she's resuming her class. As part of my daily exercise I guess I can run to her place anyway. But ya know... I kinda got distracted and went to this asian food place as wel and ordered all this fried food lol. Really defeats the purpose of the exercising.
Plucking the strings
Notes circulate the walls
The Melody rises and falls
The notes live in harmony
But the fingers slip
Sliding past the metallic chord into the air
But with such grace redeems itself
With the deceived hidden imperfection
Admiring an outward dillusion
The sound ain't right
There is a missing note
Without it the chord is never complete
My portruding fingers
Beside a thread of hope lingers
The thread is no wool
Itself has no shape or rule
I myself is such fool
How do you grip onto nothing?
I don't have that kind of talent
Forgiving you and accepting him
Having the truth in dim
Clouds mask a darkness in our hearts
The brighter our radiance and outside is emitted
The deeper our intertwined lies is knitted
I forecast that tomorrow skies will clear
Though our forecasts often flip
And in the ground remains a scar that rips
Water flows over its pathways brushing our memories
Well, at school today I almost came out to everyone.
It all started when Ting and I were having a conversation, and Daniel joined in and started saying "I agree" to everything. Then I was like "Daniel's gay". Then he went "I agree" as well lol. Then not even that, he added "I like boys" after that. Then I thought this was a time to kind of drop a hint on my homosexuality and I said "Yeah I like boys too".