I adjudicated 17 debates in four days at a national debating tournament... that's commitment OK... it's also a little bit mental.
Brain overload. No can do.
On another note, my university sent me mail today saying I topped (1st) one of my courses (of a few hundred people)! :D yay special award with prize money and looks good on report/CV
only good news for now - bad news for another day !
I was away at a debating competition for the whole day... I got back he's made my bed, washed (and dried and folded) all my clothing, tidied my room and even vacuumed my floor! And he threw my cigarettes away! (yay?)
He also bought me a soft toy + other things ;)
I don't want sympathy. I just want to write. I write for myself.
Sometimes I feel there are so many people around me but we aren't people. We are just variables in a world full of formulas and equations, and we all fitted in and completed each function. But before we achieved that teleological end, that truism, we have already been reduced to something less, an imprint of something we were, someone we might be, someone we ought to be. We're a shadow, soulless and lesser than its maker.
I adjudicated two high school debates tonight, got paid $50 yeah! I hate how when teams lose they feel really upset. It cuts me up inside a little bit - because a few years ago I was in their position. At the same time I hate even more the kids who can't take a loss and come up and argue over outcomes. They need to have some respect.
Why do I feel so detached from everything?
Is it a sign of a problem when I become so detached I don't 'feel' like I have any more problems?
Like a cancerous growth inside me that I haven't discovered or have learnt to ignore -
But I no longer feel its pain either.
So what difference does it actually make? Is it true that you need problems to make you more human, to make you understand the highs and lows, to make you empathise better?
Why is this all about outcomes? Is there something else just... intrinsically wrong about it?
I made the cast for the german play at my university!
I'm so excited I haven't acted since high school and this would improve my german so much.
Lots of good news lately. I also got chosen as one of two trainees to go to this national debating tournament. Also, I am potentially going to AMUNC in July (Australasian Model United Nations Conference) - pending how much the university is willing to subsidise us.
And the boyfriend's been goooood. We've gotten over our rough patch and we tidied my room yesterday and I bought him dinner (Thai food). It was soooo nice.
You know what I don't like about some people? How they look down on or label people who party, drink and use drugs as not getting anywhere in life. There's this conception that if you party and drink that much, you must be 'conforming', an arsehole, or intellectually challenged.
i don't even care
(but I do)
I don't want it
I just want to write this down. Process my emotions.
No one is an island. But sometimes I just want to be one.
I cheated on my boyfriend, and I promised I would never hurt him. Why does cheating come with such absolute and universal stigma? It's always focused on the victim, I just wish people also understood cheaters are not simply malicious people wanting to hurt their partners. I just wish people understood while cheating may be an act done with voliton, people aren't without flaws and there are mitigating factors and a narrative behind everything.
I don't like complaining about problems, because complaining is admitting that it's a problem.
First law class this week
First person sat next to me
First thing he said to me
'What do you think about Libya?'
'What effect do you think the US intervention will have?'
I found it hilarious - who does that? Just because you got into law school you suddenly read the news, like telling people about the news... and forget how to socialise properly?
He was also a fat fuck
Lots of arrogant people in law school, this is gona be fun
(because I'm also one of them)
Yes I do
Resumed my gym routine today, I miss that feeling, that rush you get after you push yourself. I figured that's just what I needed - right now I feel much more alive.
I've also moved out recently. Things are starting to fall into place. I'm saving a lot of money cooking my own meals, and also appreciating cooking itself. My boyfriend's over a lot and he helps keep things in order. I'm a domestic idiot. My god there are still so many things to do (assembling some furniture I bought, putting a wash on, taking shirts to the dry cleaners etc. so on)
Since I'm a freak I'm doing Summer School while everyone's on break. And since I'm a mega freak the paper I'm doing is called Philosophy of Law. I got my essay back on Friday and it was an A+! And what's even more exciting is that our lecturer is a guest lecturer from Australia National University and she suggested that I try and publish it in an undergraduate law journal! She is now advising me, and although she said no promises I'm stoked!