As I've slowly become more aware of the possibility that any of the girls I know could be more with me, I've almost wished that my feelings had remained obscure. When the dance teacher comes close to me to show me where my position on the stage will be, I can smell her sweet perfume and am thinking about how attractive she is. I looks at the beautiful asian girls in my class and almost feel sad as I realize how nice they look. So then I started wondering: What's the different between simply admiring a woman's beauty - and feeling jealous - and being... turned on by what one sees? I think I intuitively know the answer to this, but whenever it comes to sexuality issues I second-guess myself.
So... I know that I owe [myself] the coming-out entry...
... but, like always, I've started thinking about things (why does that always lead to trouble?), and so now I'm going to pour my introspection into this silly little blog thing. Today my mom told me that I get online too much to think about these things; that I retreat into the depths of my mind and get lost along the way. I guess maybe she's right.
I miss Riley. Where is she?!
Ok, so I had my bitch session and now I'm done.
I put a rainbow button on my backpack today. I had to force myself to do it. I was tired, I have mono, I wanted to cry. But I didn't. I wore it and I'm happy.
I feel so inspired now and there's so much that I want to say, but it's 2 am, and, like I said, I have mono. Damn mono.
I will write more later. I'll make myself.
With All the Love and Sexual Frustration in the World,
I'm so pissed at myself. I wrote a wonderful entry... and I musta forgotten to submit it because it's no longer here!
GODDAMNIT! ARG I'm so frustrated! It takes so much energy for me to focus myself and write down the details (my mind goes faster than my fingers and I lack a good amount of patience) that I don't wanna rewrite it! Damnit.
Haven't seen Clea DuVall pictures in almost 12 hours...
and already I have the symptoms of a QGA (queer girls anonymous) trying to get off an insanely hot supposed-lesbian's blindingly beautiful features.
What will happen next?
Quick, I need another dose!
How the hell does this new site work?! I'm confused, and I really really really miss the old set up. Can't we change back?