tomorrow's my 16th b-day! yaaaaay!! now i'm just wondering what i could POSSIBLY be getting since dear toshi-baby was sold.... only the number one cutest doll EVER and i TOLD daddy that's what i wanted....
haha.... I'll just pretend to be surprised.
I'm almost done with my lovely kozi dollie... then he'll complete my Evil Plaid Mizer trio....
I've been watching the history channel a
She thinks I 'need some space'. No. She's ignoring me for some shit-for-friends. Space?
haha. all this 'space' is telling me she hates me.
So I tried again to fix things, but shes just not interested it seems.
She doesn't want to be my friend either.
Dammit I should have listened to myself.
Okay, so it's only been about two weeks. And we were great. Until just recently.
She suddenly doesn't come to school one day, I panic, 'cause in my past, when people don't come to school, they've probably hurt themselves pretty bad or somebody died, so I get home, call her, try to get ahold of her, but I just get her machine. She doesn't call back. But shes at school the next day and just keeps saying "Personal reasons."
Haha... Serina has LEFT the building. For how long she'll be gone, I don't know...
For those of you who don't know, Serina is my OTHER side of meh, seeing as the two sides people see are so totally different I have to name them.
Anything that makes me WANT to be girly or girl-like has left the building.
We were in Kohls, I was just wandering around and I passed the men's clothing department. I saw the shirts and ties and blazers and I just WANTED them so bad... Not just because they were clothes, but I just didn't like myself as a girl at the moment... And then I had the urge to hack off my hair and dye it blonde... And I've been through this all before, and eventually things'll go back to normal, but right now I'm just NOT HAPPY WITH HOW I AM.
Big accomplishment for me today - I came out to my friend Anjula. We've been friends since like preschool, and in a note, she just asked "So any exciting news??"
But I just dropped it in like "Yeah, can you believe it? My girlfriend thought I was a homophobe."
And she's totally happy for us! I told her who, and she's all "Awww!! How awesome!! You two have been friends for like EVER!"
I've got a girlfriend!!!!
My best friend I've been kinda worried about this for a few weeks now - she finally asked me out!
SO OMG!!! I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND!!!
Now i just gotta let it sink in - I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND!!!
Haha... Serina's my cosname, and its odd.... Serina-mode is always more fun. She's happier, less brooding, more confident, totally okay w/physical contact *ie. can hug people w/out freaking out*, loud, outgoing, and pretty much everything I'm not.
Then I'm in me mode, MISERABLE.
Serina's totally the inner girly side I've never let my parents see - daddy would make fun of me or something stupid like that. I put my hair up once or twice into TOTALLY cute minibuns and dad's all "what the hell?" and goes on adn on.... what? I'm a girl, but I've never really BEEN a girl around them.
we're out to eat at cici's, we're talking about music, dad says he doesn't like Ash's music, then says he'snot even listened to mine, so he says "It's not my problem if you want to listen to a bunch of lesbians"
WTF? t.A.T.u? no, he means puffyamiyumi. Last year I got one of their CD's and he made some comment which was completely ridiculous, but apparently he remembered it. anyway, i listen to DIR EN GREY AND MALICE MIZER>
my sister had yet another hissy fit once dad came home, saying he liked me more and she was treated unfairly and all this shit, and i'm trying not to puke, and later shes quieted down in her room, and i'm downstairs and we're talking about what i want for my birthday, and i'm mentioning this concert dir en grey's gonna be at on my birthday, but it's in texas, so i can't go, and dad says "if you had a boyfriend, he could take you."
i'm just STRESSING again and again i find myself worrying so much over what MIGHT happen, and i'm afraid if kacee were to figure things out about me and her, she might just EXPLODE and spread it all over school, leading back to my family, ect.
damn this closted life of mine. its not like i can do what i want, 'cause i WANT to have to guts to ask her out, but i just don't know what might happen...
Yes, she likes me, but i don't know if i like her...
she's my best friend, and i never really thought about it, for fear of just finding myself disappointed...
WHAT SHOULD I DO ABOUT IT??
i'm afraid that if i tell her off or something, i'll seriously miss something, but i've just never thought if i liked her or not.
i try to be nice when i let people down, but then things screw up so...
she won't tell me who it is, and its sounding way to suspicious for it to not be someone i know personally. a little too personal...
i'm just worried i might handle it wrong.
my friend is... thinking shes straight (more like just questioning), but says shes got a crush on a girl, and its pretty bad...
we talk about it, she won't tell me who it is, and the more and more that goes on....
she asks me all these really suspicious questions about if i've got any crushes, or if i'd ever date a close friend, so what am i supposed to think? the more and more she says, the more it seems she's talking about me.