Ok well I tried to post this last night and I guess it didn't work or something, but that's not the wird thing i wanted to talk about. Ok so yesterday I had this state knowedge bowl tourniment to go to (yay top ten in our division!), and it was very fun because I got to hang out my friends all day. But the wierd thing was that when I was coming back the friend I was telling you guys about (the mormon guy) who has a problem with me called.
Yay well I just got home from tolo at my school and it was very fun but in the end kinda sad. So here's the scoop. After running around like a chicken with its head cut off trying to get a costume together at the last miniute I finally got one from my friend. The thing is was that she didn't drop it off till like an hour before I was supposed to be there. So it was funny because the whole time after that was like pure craziness because after getting showered and dressed I grabbed directions to my date's house and jumped in the car.
Well I haven't posted in a while because I was waiting for either inspiration to hit, or for my cold to subside but since neither seems to be emminant I decided to post anyways. Well I'm going to tolo, and I'm quite excited about it! My friend who's in college (community college instead of high school) asked me if I wanted to go because she knew I wanted to go and she wanted to hang with her old friends again.
Well tolo is coming up soon at my school and i'm a little depressed about it. I mean all of my friends seem to be going with the people they like....that is except for me. Now my friends want me to go with them, but my arument is that I don't want to go there without a date. I mean, this is the first dance since i've come out to my friends, and made public that i'm gay, and I don't want to be the third wheel to all of my friends.
Yeah ok so you guys already know about my whole coming out experience with my friends (if not see ^%^&#%^# YES!!!!), yeah well i kinda knew that my one mormon guy friend would have either a very hard time accepting this, or he would not accept it at all. So today i was eating my lunch and working on my biology project when he came into the classroom i was eating in (i don't eat in the cafeteria because it sucks) and told me that he needed to talk.
YAY!!!!! I FINALLY SAW BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN, AND IT WAS SOOO GOOD!!! I thought that the love between between Ennis and Jack was acted out very well and they really captured how beautiful yet destructive the love could be. . But most of all I thought the last few scenes of the movie concerning the shirts were the most touching in the entire movie. These simple items truly showed how despite everything love is a force of nature. It is something that you cannot deny because it is part of who you are. I think that this movie goes so far beyond being a simple love story, it is a story in many ways about what being gay is all about. Both Ennis and Jack are unwilling to admit their love to the world because they are afraid of what might happen to them, but as the movie aptly shows, if you do not share your love it can ultimately tear you apart. The moral as I see it ladies and gents, is to stay true to who you are. Well, thanks for listening to my rant!
YES!!! I DID IT!!!! I CAME OUT TO THE REST OF MY FRIENDS!!! &&%^ YES! Man, I feel so great right now! They all were so loving and supportive and I had a wonderful chat with my best friend's mom right before i did it and she told me to have courage and that she is there for me if i need her. So yeah!!! But it was so funny how I did it. So ok as you know I made that promise to myself that I would come out to my friends this break so after I chickened out on monday I decided that I had to do it today since I need to do homework tomorrow (well ok now it's today) and sunday..
Well I'm a little pissed right now because I didn't get to go see Brokeback today *tear*, and I just finished venting at my friend. But i just looked on the comcast homepage and read the article about the new South Korean movie called King and the Clown. I can't wait to see it!! It looks like it's about the love triangle that exists between one of the court jesters, the King, and the head of the troop of jesters. Even though the only action is a kiss it lookks like such a touching movie. Sadly i'll have to wait till it either shows downtown or comes out on DVD. Oh well. That's life. I'm still a little down about not having a boyfriend, but that's the way the dice have come up for m, i'll just have to hope for a better roll. Sorry this post isn't very interesting.
AAAAAAARRRRGHHH! I'm such a wuss! I held this party last night that had the ulterior motive for me to have an opportunity to come out to them all. But I chickened out. &^$&!!!! (Yes I censor myself, it's the result of having so many mormons as friends) So now I don't know what to do. I mean I'm hesitant to come out to them all at like a public place, because I'm afraid some of them might make a scene.
Wow well yesterday was not a very fun day for me because like I've mentioned in some other comments it just managed to further remind me how I don't have a boyfriend. BUT there were two great things about yesterday that kinda made up for the suckiness. Firstly there was the fact it was a really beautiful night last night. The moon as full and the stars were out, simply breathtaking. Yeah I'm a nightowl, always last to go to bed and last to rise. So that was interesting, but what really made my day better was my sister's announcement that she wants to do her big history essay on the history of homosexuality and its effect on culture. I'm just so proud of her! Plus I'm excited because i've been reading up a little on it recently! YAY! Yeah i know, i'm scary but that's ok i like being the way I am! Well I'm working on narrowing down her thesis right now because right now it's way too vague. She kinda current thesis kinda focuses on the repression of sexuality by western culture. I'm trying to recommend that she focus on a specific time period. What do you guys think? How should she narrow it down?
I am so thankful to all of those who have helped me with the problems i've posted. I've concluded that this up-coming Midwinter Break offers me the perfect opportunity to come out to the remainder of my close friends (which is the majority of them). I am ready to come out to them, even though I fear how some will react, since I no longer want to live a lie. I'm still debating how I'm gonna tell them though.
I've been listening to this song for a week or two here and I still can't seem to grasp the meaning of the song in its entirety. The song is Section 17 (Suitcase Calling) by the Polyphonic Spree. The lyrics go like this:
Entirely for you. Soon you will see that there's more there to me I will show.
The days went softly, suitcase calling me to the needs of our fond memories.
The days went softly, suitcase calling me to the needs of our fond memories of our love. In the moment, a sparkled sky. It's amazing we all know. It's the coolest waterslide. It's amazing we will show. What would you do to keep yourself holding on?
Well, I just wanted to say hello to everyone! I think that this site is simply amazing, and I look forward to reading what you all have to say! Gotta run, I'll try and post again later.