"I know I have some really good ones that do [*coughLYDIAcough*xD], but I have some that don't and *insert name of said person* is one of them. But, yeah, anyway... They were good. Not perfect or anything, but good."
That is from my crush's blog, she was saying how I support her and don't put her down when another one of our friend does when given the oppertunity to hurt her or make her feel bad about certain things.
My day was pretty freaking awesome! I however was out on one of the hottest days I can remember but who cares?
I got to hang out with all my friends.
Hira did my make-up on the way there(before the bus took off) because she was bored and I had the make-up in my bag. Upon arriving my bag was searched which I don't understand why, but oh well. They threw away my sharpies but I can get new ones. I also couldn't find my friends, that is at first and I saw Roger I told him I was going to stalk him for a while.
I had my eigth grade graduation tonight meaning I'm now a ninth grader! The ceremony was long and boring.
I got a certificate saying I didn't totally flunk out.
But the thing that really sucks is, my brother whom my dad relies on very much told him that we were ready to go and dragged me out before I could say goodbye to my friends. When they finally caved I bolted. Yeah not the right thing to do but what the fuck I didn't want to be there anymore. If I was only 'allowed' to be there because my brother said it was okay, then screw it, I didn't fucking want to give him the satisfation.
I dyed my hair 'purple' but it is P!nk! I don't know if i like it yet.
I went to the movies with my friend Michael and I feel asleep. I was up late last night. We sat there in the last row and a bunch of families were siting around us probably thinking "if we sit by them our children will be saved from their profanities and obnoxious outbursts." The movie was okay, I wouldn't see it again. But if you want to appreciate your family see Over the Hedge. That is if you have a family that works together and is all happy go lucky. Mine is not... so I was like, "I wish my family could function."
I can no longer do my summer job. I have to take summer school because I have failed math. My stupid math teacher wouldn't ever help me and when I asked for help she would either tell me I looked depressed and move on or yell at me for ten minutes on the values on respect and responsibility.
I'm so fucking mad at Ms. Harrison but I can't stop crying I had it all worked out and now everything is messed up. She wouldn't help me. I asked for help and I didn't even get a fair chance.
I found out that the high school I will be attending next year has a GSA! Yay! And they have other cool clubs like the Vegetarian Club, Recycling Club and stuff like that.
I talked about it with my friends and we're all going to join. The sponsor is TBD so far and I don't know... they always have it my brother said when we talked about it.
I told my brother I had gay friends and he wanted to know who. So I told him that would be a violation of privacy. And he still wants to know. He asked if Loren was gay and he also asked if Roger was gay. I repeated my story about privacy when he asked about Loren and told him that Roger is the MOST heterosexual person I know.
Hmmmm.... this is quite interesting. I have to share!
During math class when I didn't have my homework my teacher told me to call my dad. When I did he didn't answer. So I sat down. Then my teacher, Ms. H yells at me for no reason I know. And tells me to call him again.
She pulls me out into the hall and tells me that I can't afford to not do my homework with the grade I have in her class. And tells me that I'm going to fail and never amount to anything.
I've given up on changing people, changing them and stopping them from usung degrading terms when they speak about GLBT people. It frustrates me, yes it does that they don't stop but I can't really do anything so I'll be good and not use degrading terms.
My math teacher pulled me out of class while she was teaching to ask me if I was depressed, the answer is honestly I don't know. I don't like who I am or where I'm going and I'm not so sure how I'm going to change my future. It isn't like I'm doing bad things like setting fires but I don't do such positive things either.
Loren had a party tonight. I was nervous about going because, well.. Kayla was there and even though I don't know her all that well(before the party) I still had this huge crush on her.
I went to the party and ZOMG it was so fun. We ran around outside barefoot, which you can't do around my house(I have a dog =() and we played games. They played Sardines (kayla, briana and I went into someone else's yard and I don't really know what we were doing there. but yeah,).Truth or Dare didn't last long in the beginning for some reason, no one wanted to answer. There was also this game where you pick out slips of paper and it was suppose to tell your future. Mine was:
I walk alone…
Sun shines bright down on me,
remembering all the things that I have done
the sky dims.
Becomes gray with fear
of all the hope that has disappeared
from this desolate land I walk.
No one around to hear my screams
of blistered feet
and the horrors I’ve seen.
Hang my head in shame
for all the evils I’ve witnessed
Walking these vast lands-
to provide for my family.
I miss all my friends and my girlfriend Maggie. My brother is seventeen he can drive and he has a girlfriend so it doesn't matter, everyone knows about his girlfriend. I have to hide my relationship, even to my mom whm I'm out to. She just wouldn't understand.
My brother had a friend over last night and they were talking about his girlfriend. It makes me so jealous. It shouldn't make me feel that way.
My dad is sick so I am staying with my mom for a while, no internet. Call me.
I mean he is really sick. He won't move, he doesn't talk and I don't know what to do.
There is too much drama in my life.
My parents are supposed to get divorced but that is a slow process and I'm afraid my dad will die before it actually happens.
I'm stuck. I don't want him to die. But really I do think he is goin
So yesterday was interesting. I spent the night at Jessica's and I saw Brokeback Mountain. I didn't expect that movie to be so sad. Ahh. Then we walked up to Blockbusters and got the pilot episode of Queer as Folk and it was interesting... way too much sex. But it was a good show I just think it could use some editting there.
It was really good to spend time away from my crazy family and talk to Jessica because we don't get to talk at school that often being there are people there. I realized a lot about my dad in talking to Jess, it was like a realization because I never really understood to the extent of my dad's absense. What I can remember is blury about him, but things about my mom are clear and defined. Which is probably why I have a better relationship with my mom. Because my dad is a workaholic and even when he does find time to be with his family emotionally he isn't there . And he worries about me when I go to my friends' houses like something bad is going to happen there. So I get 2 or 3 messsages from him telling me to call him. And if had known I went to Blockbuster without adult supervision and Jess and I walked there in the dark, he would freak. But here I am alive and well. He cares when I don't want him to, and "neglects" me when I need him the most. I don't know if that is because of me he does this ot if he is this way with everyone. I am not sure of what to do. I can't really do much. He is my father and I have to live with him sometimes whether I like it or not.
I was ripped and stolen of my sense of security. And I gained a piece of it back today. It was good. I felt safe and that is always a good thing.
I went to band practice with Sid and Magot(maggot not sure which she preffers) was there too. And I guess that was a good distraction. I am like the photgrapher so when I have a new battery and the cable for my camera I can post pictures of like the band.