So I did nothing today except chill. I drove my sister to work in the city, got extremely lost on the way home, got Maccas for breakfast, came home, watched a doco about Queer cinema, slept a bit, watched a few episodes of 90210 season 2 (the addiction has well and truly set in), snoozed some more, picked my sister up from work, did some more viewing, and here I am.
miley syrus can't act for shit. how the fuck did she get her own show?
I am now the former Young Citizen of the Year. And in the last few hours of my reign, I got REALLY drunk at an Australia Day party. At first I was like, "No guys, I'm presenting an award tonight, I'm handing over my title tonight!"
But then it became, "HOW FUNNY WILL IT BE IF I'M PISSED AT THE CEREMONY?!"
I'm obsessing over the original Beverly Hills 90210. I remember watching bits and pieces and reruns over the years of my childhood - mostly thanks to my sister who is 7 years older - and so 90210 has always been ingrained in my head. And my sister has bought the first few seasons on DVD! So.... WOOOOOO!
Mum and I had a talk last night, she's upset. She's in shock and it's going to take her a while to get used to it. Like I said, she was quiet and distant since I told her, and last night I asked her what was wrong and she exploded just a little bit. And her reaction hurt me.
I feel as though I didn't read my mother's reaction right to me being gay. I was literally worried sick that she was in shock and that everything would be different. Yes, she's been quiet but I feel now that she really doesn't care. Really, the only words she had were of warning, which to me shows that she does care...... I think everything will be fine.
I finally did it. I feel exhausted. My sister was totally cool with it...everything is and always will be fine with her My mum...is acting weird though. She was so indifferent when I told her. No reaction. Just, "....and?" Which is good. She said she'll always love me and it doesn't change anything. But it freaks me out how TOTALLY not caring she is. Like..........nothing. At all.
There is a man at work who i find incredibley, INCREDIBLEY sexy. And he's 50. Moustache, beer gut, tattoos. I want to fuck him. We showered together last program we worked when we took the kids to the public swimming pool. Nothing suss, but extremely hot for me.
It's overcast, I'm home by myself, listening to The Cure, with no plans for today or the rest of the week, really. I'm more than a little depressed. My best friend was supposed to join me one night for some weed but he decided to be a bitch and punk out.
No wonder Cher has made a fucking mint, her music is So. Gay.
Ok, it's 2.26am and I've been in one of my lows. (Background for a minute - a few of my friends have made the observation that my moods never have a middle ground... I'm either up or I'm down. Currently considering seeing my GP about it, make sure it's nothing too serious, whether or not it's normal teenage angst bullshit... :S)
This world I'm living in is so insular and weirdly closed. All the gay boys in my town seem to know each other. Living in this suburban nightmare has thrown so many of us together - we've gravitated towards one another and we're all connected somehow, usually through mutual friends. Another way is that we do a show with one person, and they've done a show with THIS OTHER person, etc....
lol, good old summer heights high.
i feel a bit confused about a few things. ok, so im going to come out really soon to my family. as in, next week. but it isnt working out the way i planned. i wanted to talk to my sister first, but i can never get a hold of her. she doesnt live at home, and she has a roommate.
ill figure something out, but still...ugh.
I am waiting for Friday.
Tomorrow I am supposed to hand in another one of those excellent 2500 word essays. I've written 1300 words, so thats pretty ok. It's kinda cold today, so I'm wearing a jumper, which is really interesting lol
I think the worst thing in the world is loving someone more than they love you. I hate it ay. I hate loving a friend, but needing them more than they need you.
But that's ok, no one is under any obligation to read this :)
So my life is down the shitter at the moment. It's not the fault of some boy, or my parents, but just myself. I make things so hard for myself and I don't know why. I guess I really am a sadist. I'm NEVER happy.
I feel like topping myself... right about now. But that's the coward's way out, isn't it?
Last night I saw "Hedwig and the Angry Inch" at Cremorne Theatre, starring Michael Falzon as Hedwig, and Lucinda Shaw as Yitzhak. I must say, I was totally blown away!