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my two anthems

when i heard this song performed last year, it didnt mean much to me, except i was struck by the emotion the singer had in her voice and face. now i get it.

Don't write a letter when you want to leave.
Don't call me at 3 a.m. from a friend's apartment.
I'd like to choose how I hear the news...
Take me to a park that's covered with trees,
Tell me on a Sunday please.

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i am so tired, exhausted, synonyms galore lol i'm so mentally exhausted because of the break up aftermath, im confused and sad and just over it.

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i know why now

i've talked to him.

he's scared of his sexuality. whenever he does something sexual in relation to other men, he feels depressed and sick. he was raped by a 13 yr old when he was 10. he's relating it back to that. he loves me, loved me enough to break that sexual barrier, but he cant go on, cant keep on giving himself to me.

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waiting for monday & what to do in the meantime

i've calmed down alot since yesterday, and i have received some fantastic advice from some good friends. on monday i'll go into our talk being confident, understanding and non-abusive ;) its about him alone, working through his issues - not trying to get us back together.

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i dont know what to do. he said in a text message this morning that he doesnt think this will work out. because he's confused and cant love me the way i love him.

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First Sexual Experience

twenty days into our relationship, and A and I took this to the next level. this is all VERY new to me, so it was a first. im 17 and a virgin. before 12pm today, i had done absolutely nothing with anyone before. well, thats changed now.

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dressing as a butch lesbian

i'v been invited to a party this sat nite, with the fancy dress theme "politically incorrect". im taking my bestie, Kay. we want to go as a duo of sorts so we've been throwing a few ideas around, such as

a) steve and bindi irwin. of course, Kay would break out the hair crimper, and i'd had a barb thru my chest

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i grow weary of this world!

first off, who got that reference?

no one told me that being in a relationship gets heavy sometimes. i love him so much, i think about him all the time, blah blah blah, and im not used to spending so much energy on one person. its so weird, i love being with him, and when im not i hate thinking about him cos it reminds me that im not with him!.... does that make sense?

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nastiness on oasis

it seems to me that a few people on oasis are getting very nasty in relation to others. i've been here nearly 2 years (including a long hiatus), and before my recent rejoining of this community, people seemed very friendly. but now, alot of attitude seems to be floating around, and it seems to do with our opinions on certain subjects.

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study starting to catch up with me

its the beginning of week 3, and things are starting to get serious at uni. its so much work!!! god im studying this arvo, but it scraes me how much work i have to do for my media contexts class, when i dont have that good a grasp on the content. its just getting daunting, thats all. i need to set up a study group this week.

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so, how does that make you feel?

i don't know what's up with me today. im not in one of my depressive oceans of old, but i feel kinda "drifty". a nice chat with a mental healthcare professional might be beneficial. whats wrong with me? i guess cos im on the cusp of the dreaded coming out to family. now that i have A, i dont want to be hidden anymore. it will be ok, but its that first plunge.

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my first boyfriend! totally breathless.

this has just been magical, these last few days. everything is moving so fast, im scared that it shouldnt, but its exhilerating!!!

we met on the 3rd.
had our first date on the 6th.
our first kiss on the 10th.

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its officially a date!

we're going out tomoro night, after we confirmed with each other our attraction. im so happy, my first real date with a boy!!!!

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a boy i like is a self hating homosexual

ive met the most amazing guy. first off, he identifys as bisexual. so that means he isn't a dead end. he's funny, we get along well, he's cute, taller than me (which is hard to find - im 6 foot 3), he's 19.... and we just click. AND right off the bat, there was some flirtation.

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young adult fiction for fags

after trolling thru old articles here, i found a review of the god box by aliex sanchez. looked it up on the town library catalogue. which then prompted me to search for more books of a similar nature. so today i found this book called "boy girl boy" by ron koertge. its ok. not fantastically inspiring, or even good. but i did like it. it was very witty and well written, but it was really thin.

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