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my dirty mind

i woke up early again this morning, after ANOTHER shit night of sleep. but eventually i got comfortable when i woke up. but at the moment i'm really horny! like i go through periods of sexual death when i'm not attracted to anyone, and i feel numb in that aspect. but at the moment, it's the complete opposite! i'm so hormonal and crazy horny it's not even funny! like this morning (getting back to my story), i had fantasies about 3 different guys i know.

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Missing you at 6am

mikey i miss you so much. i woke up early this morning after a shit night of sleep, and i couldn't stop thinking about you. i miss you, your playful affection, i miss it when you hug me, i miss your smile. i don't know if i can last another 6 days without you! but it's not 6 days, cause the night you come back, i leave the very next morning. i will call you, but most likely i won't see you until next year. i thought i was over you, but i guess i was wrong.

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Ok, so i was cut when no one congratulated me...

i don't do things to get "congratulations" but it would have been nice if a comment had been left here, "oh cool, you're a house captain, and you got a job, and a callback!" i know, i'm being a self centred prick face asshole, but it would have been nice.... thanks ruby btw lol and that callback went terribly. i wanted to cry. i was practically lining up the sleeping pills when i got a call from the director saying that i got a lead! i'm now chad, the black basketball dude. well, in my case, the white basketball dude. but yeah, and 2 of my close bosom buddies got leads too! so 3 out of 6 leads went to the same schools! (i'm still at school, male friend just graduated and female friend just graduated from the girls school across the road). and the director is an old boy of my school lol

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The magic 3 - a job, a callback and school leadership!!!

I finally have the three things i've been wanting for so long - a job, a school leadership postion and a callback!!!! so i scored a job working with disabled kids at a vacation care place over january. i got it through one of the helpers at the drama group for ppl with intellectual disabilities. so its only the start, i haven't even filled out the tax documents, but i got a job!!!

2nd - the callback. what every actor dreams about, loses sleep wondering about! so i have the callback for high school musical tonight, i hope it goes well. what's the point of coming this far and not hoping to get it?! (honestly, i though my first audition was shit, so i'm glad i was chosen for the leads callback!)

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Why does this room smell like urine?!

seriously, i'm getting a whiff of it right now. it's a study/office, not a toilet! maybe the dog peed in here. i'm update you guys on the situation as it unfolds.

tomoro i have an audition for "high school musical". the local musical theatre company is putting it on, and i thought, "why not just audition? nothing wrong with that." so i called the director and put my name down for it. then he says, "are you familiar with the music, because that is what we'll be auditioning you with."

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i need a job.

i need a job for the school holidays. two reasons:

it will get me out of the house and earning money.

i need to use that money to buy a ticket for scissor sisters when they play brisbane feb 3 nxt year.

i need that job NOW.

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i'm pregnant!!!!

haha, you clicked on my post. actually, that was quite mean. i'm sorry. i physically cannot become pregnant, but mentally........

school's nearly over for the year. we are voting for our school leaders, and guess whose name is on the ballot paper? mine (WHOOOOOOOOO!!!!). it's a weird way of chosing leaders, it's done over 2 days, and you get the list and give people a rating of 1 - 10 (1 being lowest) on whether you think that they are a "man of words" and a "man of action". whatever it is, i gave myself a 10. as did many of my friends. i want to get this for a number of reasons (1 or 2 being a little selfish).

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just came to say goodbye, love...

I have closure now about Mike going away. I called him last night before he left, and we talked about a lot of things. I’m glad I did, or else things would have felt strange. It isn’t like I told him how I feel, but I needed contact before he left. When he answered he sounded happy to hear from me, and I liked that. So we chatted about things, and he asked for my email address. I was also unsure on whether he didn’t like me and didn’t have the heart to tell me to fuck off, or he genuinely liked being around me. Now I feel as though that he really does like me, and I’m glad I have that reassurance. He’s such a good mate, and I like that. Now that he’s gone, I don’t have such intense feelings for him. I still love him, but without the insane intensity I used to. So to give you an idea of how last night went down, these are our txt messages to each other:

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might tell you tonight, sweetie

"Might Tell You Tonight" - Scissor Sisters

When you're quiet, but your eyes
Are saying everything I need to know
I want to burrow like a sparrow
Dodging alley cats and whiskers
Why do we talk in whispers?
Is it painful hearing voices ring
So early in the morning?

I've been waiting for the day
When I can throw away these numbers
That line my dresser drawers and cupboards
Start me over

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Hot Hot Hot!!!

There are some pretty fine lookin guys at school. eg there's this guy, sam, and he is so so hot! a nice ass, cute face and a very large hmm-hmm. it literally bulges down his leg! i know... because i'm always staring.does that make me shallow and boring? oh well, he's hot and got a great personality! and we're friends!

did i mention his ass? seriously, i love watching him walk away!

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Rent, my laptop and Dusty: the original pop diva!

Ok, i saw rent (the movie) and loved it! i had "seasons of love" stuck in my head for... well, it's still in there! i nearly got up today and sung "525 600 minutes!" instead of my health oral!i loved it, it's so good to see a show that doesn't silence the gay audience, and not only that, but it talks about living with AIDS and getting through life with it. i've never seen anything like it before.

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i won the drama scholarship! it's a series of musical theatre workshops that runs for a week and i work with theatre professionals to improve my acting, singing and dancing skills! i'm so excited! and the school pays 3/4 of the fee!!

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fame... i'm gonna live forever... i'm gonna learn how to fly HIGH!

god i love that tv show! has anyone else seen it? i love performing. i'm often performing 24/7. i'm sort of tired. i have an english essay due monday and i haven't finished it. good news is that there's a really good chance i'm going to win a $200 scholarship to a series of musical theatre workshops! bad news is i want to strangle my drama teacher! she's such a pain in the arse, and a really bad director. i think she should give up teaching and become a toilet cleaner. i think i'm going to write some more of my english thingo. what do you guys think?

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I'm not dead!!!!

Hey everyone, how are we all? i'm back after 2 months! not much has been happening, except i've been really sick with the flu, but now i'm better and i have all my energy back! Ok let me start by saying that i'm sorry that all my previous posts have been about mike, but it's just he's such a large part of my life, that i have
no where else to get my feelings out about him.

So anyway, one of my best friends is gay. but i haven't asked him, i found out from a few people, and honestly, it's no big surprise. secondly i'm not going to tell him that i'm gay. i'm scared that once i tell someone it's all going to become real. i'm much happier in my ambiguous state of mind/body. i want to be able to put an arm around a friend without them going, "he's gay, he must be hitting on me". It scares the shit out of me.

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Mikey's going to south africa

that cun* is going on a social justice thing to help the kids there. fucker! it makes me mad that my parents thought it was a bad idea to go, because it's a dangerous area. i really wanted to go, because i want to travel, and do some good, but they said no. and now my hot, straight, sexy crush will be gone for 3 weeks at the end of the year with his best friend. i would have loved to go with mikey

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