blah...here i am again...an entry hog lol...sorrie...i'm just in the mood to write. well i've wrote these awhile ago but yeah...wanted to share, so this is ANOTHER lol...one of my poems...enjoy!
[Title]; Be Thankful
[Written]; October 13, 2005
as the pain in my heart
begins to throb
i wonder how god
could rob me of this peace
why is it so hard to deal with the pain
another one of my many poems in my lost but now found composition books...this is called Deep Within;
as the tears are flowing
and the cuts are growing
ad opening to the heightened pain.
but as each and every word is said
and soaked within
the anger and hostility begins.
there are more sad than happy days in a week
and as many cuts that cover the body
enough that it hurts to live.
i was looking through me old composition books...the ones i used when i used to write a lot of poetry and such...and so it thought i should share some with you guys...i don't care you you don't like it or not, it doesn't really matter to me...lol its all old feelings...the past is the past and it should be kept there. here's one that i called "The Destroyer";
the pain is unbearable
Sigh...today is the day we would've made 4 months....but instead it's the day that we make a month from our break up...blah...when i woke up this morning, it didn't hit me until i was washing dishes before leaving to go to the bus stop...it was like a...idk...but it was like BAM "it's been a month since she went out of my life"...
sigh...yup...well let me see...happened?:
1) i woke up late 'cause i went fishing last night and didn't get home until 3...woke up at 6:30 but ended up falling back asleep and waking up at 7:30 which almost ALMOST made me late to class...
2) this girl, Caitlin, gave me a present for christmas and i know that she still likes me...so it's a lil weird...but i ended up opening it 'cause certain people were noisy and wanted to know what she got me...she got me what i wanted (well i told everyone to get me this lol) SOCKS!! && a necklace with a flower pendant...OMG...yup...when i saw it i was like...OH MAN she still likes me 'cause she asked me out before but i turned her down 'cause i don't feel anything towards her and she's a friend...which is SOOOOO off limits in my book even if i did like her...which i don't. it's sad though 'cause one of my friends that she hangs out with called me up after school and asked me what i would do if caitlin asked me out again...and i told her the truth...sad...
Hey...thanks to everyone who commented my last post like Bratalamay, Jeff, Riski_Call92, and Toph...
blah...well i just hope i do good on my other exams this week...
FUCK FUCK FUCK...damn...well as i told everyone that i was gonna study last night...well i DID study...like 2 pages and then i like...KNOCKED THE HELL OUT lol...woke up lying sideways on my bed with my books all over the place...shiit...then this morning i didn't even feel like opening the books, so i didn't and thought that i'd just wing it...OHMY was i stupid...'cause my teacher corrected it and i checked what i got online before i went to work and guess what i got?/?...a FUCKING 40/100!!...i FAILED my MIDTERM :(...when i saw what i got...i swear i couldn't breather...shiit...i at least wanted a C but no i got an F...he said he's going to curve the exam when all his classes takes it...but shiit even with the curve my grade wouldn't change...sigh...i'm stupid FUCK...
sigh...i just got off work...know what that means?...sleep!!
haha yeah right...shiit i got 2 exams tomorrow...math & chems...OMG good thing i only really have to worry about chems...math...is easy but imma still have to read and brush up on the things we learned in the beginning...ahhhhhhhh shiit...i'm sooooooo soooooo TIRED lol...but i have to study, so i can pass...i checked my grades not too long go && i'm getting a 2.8...a frickin 2.8!!!
ah...friday & all of next week up until wednesday is our finals...then BREAK...UGH YEAH RIGHT lol...i'm gonna be working my ass off my break, well maybe not on christmas & new years but yeah...i know for sure imma be working A LOT...but hey i'm not complaining, i like getting paid...but it'd be better if i get paid ON TIME & no bounced CHECKS...shiit yeah i know shitty but it's all i got for now until i find something else.
hey yeah...well i was gonna post this when i last came on but didn't have time and as i said on that post i'm sorta pressed for time because i'm not supposed to be on except for school stuffies...okie but yeah...
As i've mentioned in my old...old posts lol i went out with this girl for like 1 or 2 days and well long story short...dumped me and blah blah blah...go read those posts if you want to know lol...but anyways, i guess i was in that mood where i was still hurting because of my recent breakup and just wanted to hookup with...whoever...and she had, i guess, right timing because she started talking to me after and stuff wondering if there could be another chance and at that moment i was like sure fuck it...maybe something could happen this time but i told her that we should just be friends for awhile and hang out and see where it goes...
damn...*pout*...i know i haven't been on in like 2 days...i'm so irked...'cause ok on monday my uncle tattled to my dad that i was using the phone late at night (well i was but fuck idk why the stupid girl called me...and now i got in trouble UGH) so that was my fault i take blame for that...but the other thing they told him was that i was leavin the computer on all night which was BS right there...so now i have a 8 o'clock curfew...UGH fucking irking...i was really pissed because first they had to tattle to my dad and he had to end up doing that...and on top of that my day was pretty good on monday until i got home and my grandma's "companion" had to talk shit when i got home from work...
blah...i'm tired & bored...i want to read something...i was trying to look for books or something that i could read online but can't find any of the GLBT nature...suckie...i would go to the library but i have like...NO time to go since i'm working damn...i was thinking of going tomorrow after school but then i remembered that i work after school to 9 and i am so NOT looking forward to that. so yeah does anyone know where i can read a book or something online...for free?
*YAWN* lol...i am tired...i went with my dad, auntie, uncle, & their 2 kids to the Air Force thingy...it was sorta a family kids day thing i guess lol...all i know was that there was a lot of kids games and stuff. it was alrite watched the 2 kids play games and took a tour in a couple of airplanes...the C-17 was cool!! lol i'm not much into planes 'cause of my whole scared of heights thingy but damn the plane was huge and it was pretty cool inside...other than that...it was boring lol.
blah...god i went to sleep at about 4:45 am and got up at 6:30...super tired...now it is 10:22 am and i'm supposed to go to this military thingy with my family...i so DO NOT want to go...i hate doing anything with my family besides with my dad but with everyone else is just a waste.
sigh i have so much too do; homework, clean house...ah damn i was supposed to contact my boss because my stupid paycheck bounced and i don't think it's fair that i have to pay the stupid fee for it but the store is closed...shiit i guess i have to talk to them tomorrow 'cause i work with them from 2 to 9...i HATE working with them, they're really picky and anal about so much things it's so hard to get things done...but at least it gets me hours...and hopefully the check we're supposed to get soon doesn't bounce AGAIn...fuck i need a new job!!