ok my favourite photographer is robert mapplethorpe, look him up if there's no parents in the room! i was writing an essay about the hot little fucker and i read that he was a satanist and that he fucked just about all his models before he photoraphed them....oh and he's the guy who represented gay culture in the 70's and 80's, so, my question is, should he be representing us? i mean, i love his work, but, isn't it a little bit false representational? i know he had some good moral underlying messages, i read about it, but still, i mean it's not like all of us like s&m and fuck like rabbits for satan!...or is it?
i joined a queer collective group at uni recently, fairly ok, except that it seems to be mostly girls, which sux coz i wanted to meet someone (yes it's a bad agenda to go to a queer collective for but i don't care!). anyway, they're having some sort of exhibition thingy, which sounds great coz i study art and lately i've been building a little collection of gay photographs, paintings, drawings and jewellery.
who do i have to kill to get a boyfriend??
i told joshua, i got rejected and now i'm getting over him...the end. back to square one
since i discovered i was gay i kind of had a recurring depression which i can't really explain, well i can but i don't want to. anyway, it's not all the time, just every couple of months or whatever, and it lasts anywhere from a day to a few months. anyway, this guy business has kind of dropped me down, not that all peole don't get down after this kind of thing, i'm not special i know! point is, i'm gonna be so fucking emo for the next few weeks i think. hm, and i don't think this place can really help me nemore, i just gotta learn from my mistakes and not fall in love without a good reason to.
hopefullly by the end of today i'll be freed from the clutches of my horrid joshuaitis disease. i'm being a little regina george (plastic from meangirls) and i've turned one of his friends into my spy. the plan is that today she'll work into the conversation (she's a conversation artist)the question about his feelings for me and their nature. of course i know what his answer will be, but at least i'd have heard it and it would prove to me what i know in my head anyway, maybe i'll move on then. and at the same time, i might still be able to pretenciously keep some friendship with him until i'm totally over him and then a real friendship could begin. yay me.....fucking emo
i'm feeling so fucking emo tonight!! usual story with me, everyone on here knows it and thinks i'm a stalker. i spent thirteen hours with him today, but unlike usual when it makes me feel good, it did the opposite. i know spending thirteen hours with him was a bad idea, i'm trying to take the advice you guys have been giving me, i really appreciate it, and i know deep down that you are right, and that i should take my attention and place it somewhere where it's wanted....like uni work. But i just can't, i can't stop thinking about him, i can't stop wanting him, i can't say no to his offers to be with me, i can't not answer his calls and i can't see a fucking thing past him.
is there any point to what i'm doing with the guy i like? most of you guys have an idea what i'm talking about, what do you think? should i just let it go or should i keep pursuing it???
the guy i love has a few gay male friends, he's gay too and with a bf, but i refuse to just sort of "be" one of his friends, i want to be at least be special to him, how do i go about letting him know that?
hehe i got a free shake from baskin robins coz the guy got my flavour wrong, woho!!!!!!!!
i just came out to my closest friends about me being gay three weeks ago, the last thing i want is to go straight back into the life of covering up how i feel and who i love, i'm sick of lying, i can't stand it anymore. so, with that being the reasoning, i'm going to tell joshua that i like him as a lot more than a friend, i don't care what happens
i'm not sure what you classify dirty dancind to be, but by my standards, i dirty danced with the guy i love 4 times tonight. twice he came from behind me and pressed himself against me and put his hand around mystomach and i held his hand and "swayed" my ass in harmony with his ding dong as he went down and back up. and then twice he came in front of me and we did the same only opposites. then when we walked he held my hand a lot. btw i havne't danced in 6 years, he tought me how, him and his friend who's a professional dancer. his boyfriend watched from the balcony, i felt kind of bad but i really wasn't the only one he did that with, he was touching some guys ass and stuff, i get the feeling he's a bit of a mess that boy, but yeah, i guess you could definately without a shread of a doubt say that my plans for finding a toyboy to get over the guy i'm in love with failed....myserably! lol, but i had a lot of fun, it was pretty hardocre, i loved it. oh and he touched my leg a lot, and my face, i dunno what the fuck he wants from me! guess he was just drunk. btw i wasn't, i drank two drinks the entire night and water for the rest of it. i love dancing now, can't believe it but it's true, although one wierd thing is that i don't smile when i dance and everyone thought i wasn't having fun, wtf!?
decided that i am going clubbing tonight after all, the prospect of meeting someone new and getting over joshua is too great for me to pass up, lol, so i'm going on my own for two hours..oh i'll be such a nigel