yay first day of uni. we had a three hour lecture about psychology, i can barely remember any of t but damn it was good!!!! :D
oh, the guy i like, we caught the bus together, but we had to sit pretty far from one another so we couuln't talk, but we were facing one another, and he was staring at me, so i stared back, we had a moment, omg i died! oh well, i'll just keep dreaming for now
aaah, starting uni again, there is absolutely no plus side to this other than the fact that i get to be with the guy i like, and today i'm showing him and he's showing me the work we've been doing, he's a designer and he's really good, but of course i'll give him a harsh critique lol. he better like what i do, i need to score as many points as possible with this guy so he'll break up with his old accountant boyfriend and be with me....lol greedy aren't i? wtf do i care, i've supressed it long enough, now i just need him, it's that simple, it's not like i'm playing dirty, he's boyfriend is well aware that i'm into his boyfriend, lol, told him!
albino and super super dark black men are sooooooooooooooooooo hot
this has nothing to do with being gay, well, not really, being gay makes it worse (i'll explain later). basically, being lonely sux, it's ok during the day coz you just occupy u'rself with work or whatever, but at night, at least me, i get really lonely. i don't think that's something only gay people go through, of course not, but it's made worse by the fact that for four years i've suppressed who i am, and now i got all this build up to the point where all i want out of life right now is somebody to kiss and touch.
"the look inside your eyes drives me from control
evoking visions, of my favourite casarol
and if i eat u'r heart i'll also bite u'r soul
and when i'm done with that i'll use u'r skull as a bowl"
i like steak
last night i went clubbing, started very early, met up with the guy i like at about 530pm, went back to his boyfriends place and had drinks with him and a mate of his and then at about 8 went to have dinner, had sushi for the first time, not bad...
then went to the gay bar, was pretty fucking good, but most of the guys were either a)taken or b) ugly. some guy felt my leg, i let him but he's got no chance :P
just coz i'm gay don't mean i'm immoral. i am a bit of a slut though i guess. lol, judge for urselves. the first guy i came out to was the first guy i hit on and the first gay person i have hada crush on and in fact the first gay person i've ever known. so u understand why i liked him: i do fine art in uni and he does design, he's got this incredable mind, he looks at something and doesn't just see what it is but all the different possibilities he of what that thing could be/used for/look like e.t.c. also, he's got a decent personality (he's no ophra but i don't like saints). as far as looks go, he's probably about 1.8m tall, short light brown hair (thick, straight and messy), clear very white skin, fairly large, round, GREEN (woho!) eyes and he's fairly masculine with only a little hint of feminine (mostly in speech but i like a little duality). anyway, i'm supposed to go clubbing with him and a mate of his, but his friend fell through on us and now it's just us. i don't know if i should go, i mean, i tried to get over him but by my description you should be able to tell i'm far from "cured". and he has a boyfriend, i don't want to hit on him, it's not right is it?
i'm back home from easter holidays!!!!!!!!!!!!! yay i love you broadband. i'm now going out to a guy club on friday, eesh i'm scared! that's tommorow! any advice?
thank u for being good guys, i don't just mean for not being bitches but for everything you do here, it's great for a lot of people to have a place like this. my best friend really got something out of it, that and the fact that he was here when i was talking to calidude on msn... thanks nick!
ah, so good, sometimes you just think everything will be ok, SO DON'T BURST MY BUBBLE!
BRACE u'rselves, i'm bringing my very homophobe best friend on here to see what we do here, be nice, especially you little bitch boys, you know who you are!
AAAH, TIME HEALS ALL. all i need now is a freaking boyfriend
sick of comming up with titles!!!!!!!!
my best friend is now starting to take it more like i thought he would, that is, not well. he says he needs time to think about it. it's fair enough, but am i supposed to leave him alone or am i supposed to be fighting to mend our friendship? it's really kind of painful right now, he means everythign to me, and no i'm not in love with him, i just don't see my life without him in it.
so i just came out to my best friend. the other day, in what i guess was a desperate attempt to turn me, he showed me all these pictures of mostly naked women and asked me what i think! wtf!?
lol, it was mostly funny really, he then told me that some research showed that gay people have shorter brainstems then straight ppl. so.... yeah.... what does that mean? straight people, eesh!
so i've come out to my best female friend, and i've been kind of wanting her to see the kind of thing that people like me are dealing with, what i've dealt with and what the homophobic shit of society is doing to poeple like me. so... well sorry to bring an outsider ppl but i showed her this site. i showed her some of the journal entries of espcially people like calidude coz they were quite strong and i showed her the comments i worte back and just generally the way in which most ppl on this site are just so supportive and friendly. i think that really got to her,i really think i got through to her. thank you for sharing all your stories and for being supportive and friendly, this is what we need to do outside of this site too, we need to stick together, otherwise the whole homophobic society shit will really hit us hard.