I always think I will be fine until I come home in the evening and go online...and then end up listening to music which depresses me. Why when you are trying to get over someone does every song you hear make you think of them or relate to them in some way.
I seem to save up all my misery for Oasis. It's not intentional. But when things are going well, I tend to be on here, or online a lot less. For a while I thought I had outgrown this place and its part in my life. Well by outgrown, I mean my journalising here. But I always come back here to write and feel like I'm talking to somebody even if nobody reads it. I usually feel better for it to some extent.
So my ex girlfriend wants to meet up tomorrow. Two weeks ago when we were breaking up, it seemed like a good idea to me. I was happy with that little guarantee that we would still be seeing each other at a set time and day, even if it was two whole weeks. It was something to cling to, something to hold on to to keep me going.
So I went and met her in person today. Unfortunatly due to being snowed in yesterday(there was no public transport), we ended up breaking up over instant messanger. Which in some respects made things easier, beacause it gave us slightly more time to think about what we were saying to each other and articulating things.
And so we broke up. She still has feelings for her ex girlfriend that she hasn't resolved. She lied about them while we were together because she thought she would get over them. It has been the underlying problem of our entire relationship. It explains her behaviour on so many occassions.
My girlfriend left me waiting for an hour after work in the cold as she decided to go the cinema with another friend, which pushed through our dinner plans...and all plans for the evening to be together actually. Now i'm at home crying and she decided to go off out since I am no longer coming over due to being angry/upset. What the fuck goes through people's heads. Ok I needed a rant. Thanks
I think I am annoyed with my girlfriend. I'm not sure I should be posting a journal, which will essentially end up being a rant about stuff, because she is a lovely lovely person, but I am frustrated. I am not sure how to articulate this though.
I keep starting to write journal entries on here. But I usually start, and realise I am not sure really what I want to even write about, I just know I need to write something. I read through the journals, and I feel old. I don't mean that in any sort of patronizing way or anything. I guess I just remember when I was in the places that a lot of people are here, or going through some similar things. The journals make me remember, and I feel strange.
I feel unexplainably sad. I just had to tell someone. Goodnight.
I feel so old and so young today all at once, and like everything has changed so much, and it was change I wanted and I needed. But I feel like I am actually an adult now, and I feel sad and happy about that all at once and I now I am always ridiculously nostalgic about everything.
I spent the day curled up in my girlfriends bed watching movies. It was so warm and nice. Plough through the crap people. Turns out there is a happy ending sometimes.
I'm not sure if I really like a girl who has sort of started to become my girlfriend. Everytime we see each other we chat for a little bit and then end up sitting somewhere kissing for ages. I ended up going back to her apartment last night after a night out with some friends.
I feel like I have been semi conscious for a long time and I'm only just waking up to life as everyone else lives it.
I should probably be sleeping now. Since it is 1.30am and I'm in work tomorrow. But I have hardly spoken two words to anyone all day and I have all these thoughts rattling around my head that will have to go somewhere so I can go to sleep.
I had a strange realisation the other day that the majority of the people on here are closer in age to my nephew than to me. Which made me feel a little odd posting journals and things on here, but as lol-taire said in a journal a while back, this place is her diary, and I must say the same is true for me. It's where I come to get everything out.