My life is in trouble!! College is a BIG problem for me right now. I am passing all my subjects except for the one I need to pass this year. I am going to be lucky if I scrape a pass. It is a project I have been doing all year, but I have had a lot of trouble with the lecturer as has another boy in my class. Bad luck I guess. But I just don't know what to do now.
I guess I have these options:
Continue on with this project and hope to god I can scrape a pass. Despite the fact I cannot sleep because of it and when I do I usually wake up gasping for air in a panic.
Just a quick journal before I run off to work!! To update from my previous journal entry, I did indeed come-out to that friend I intended to. It went great. I said I'm gay, she hugged me and was so happy I told her and was basically anything I could have wanted a friend to be about it. It was kind of crazy because she was one person I was genuinly really concenred about how she would take it. I spent so much time in the past being down because I was so worried about telling her. She honestly had no idea before I told her, and she is totally cool about it now she knows.
I'm meeting one of my good friends tomorrow night. I have decided to come-out to her. I'm not sure this really warrents a journal entry, but meh my tv is broken so I will continue. I have decided to tell her because it has become too difficult to hide it. The more I have come-out to other people and generally started to live my life a little more as myself, it is getting harder to slip back into pretending I am straight with my friends that don't know. I hope she will be ok with it, but if she isn't as we all know fuck it she wasn't a friend anyways.
Ok laterz Oasis.Wish me luck now...
I kind of want to write a journal entry because it has been a while since I have written one. But I have lots of stuff going on right now so i'm not really sure what I would actually like to write about. Maybe a braod overview will do for the moment.
Basically last week I hit absolute stress breaking point with my college work. I sought some career counselling advice and advice from various parties. So I am hoping I can salvage something from the project that is destroying my life(I may be a tad dramatic) but thats how it has been feeling.
College stresses me to the point that I cannot really breath. This has not been a good academic year. Help me!!!!!!!!!!!
There is a girl in my lgbt society that I have a huge crush on. I am not sure how she feels about me. It is all very confusing. I always feel really awkward and have trouble speaking to her. It's like everytime I have seen her and been like a complete tard, I give up hope that anything might happen. But then some random small thing happens that changes my opinion and gives me hope again.
I wrote the poem below the other night. I think I freaked myself out it was so dark.but i thought i'd post it anyways
i am an open wound,
i am a severed wrist,
i am what you never saw coming,
i am your greatest test.
i don't know what you are,
i don't know who you will be,
i never sought to destroy you,
that was you not me.
Somebody please smack me and tell me to cop onto life. thanks.
This week seems to be slipping away from me, and I am letting it. I have so much college work to get through before I go back. But I don't really want to do it. I know I should have it done, but it feels like part of me has given up on the whole college thing. I don't want to have given up, it just seems that I have also come to the realisation that I may have choosen the wrong course.
One of my friends is annoying me so much! He is a good friend and I love him to bits, but he is seriously crowding me. I think I am just really noticing it this week. He has called me up and text me so much in the last few days that it is driving me a little crazy. I probably wouldn't care so much had his last message not being about the fact that he just told his mother that I am gay.
Bonjour Oasians!! I mentioned in my last journal entry that I had a little crush on a girl. Well the term little was an understatement. It is a huge crush that is consuming me and making me too awkward to communicate with her. I have however managed to make a tiny bit of contact with her in the past week, after much convincing from my good friend, we will call him Sam.
I am very glad that I wrote my last journal entry, to find out if I was too old to be hanging out here. Thanks guys for your responses. I feel welcome and reassured that it is ok to still be on here.
I've been thinking since reading Ruby's journal a few days ago about being too old for Oasis, that perhaps I have gotten too old to be on here. I guess the site does say for queer and questioning youth. I'm not really questioning any more or a youth, since I am 23. I am still queer however.
I seem to post a lot of negative stuff on here about my life, especially the last few days I was feeling fairly shitty.
My Christmas day did suck a lot. I didn't really want to post a miserable Christmas journal, but I have been venting to my friend all day and I still don't feel better. He now had to leave so I guess I will continue the vent here.