god, i just can't stop thinking about her. she is running through my mind, every day and every night, i just wanna tell her how i feel, but i can't. I am just so scared, and we just started hangning out. I want her so bad, and i don't know what to do.
Stop the presses!!!!!!!! I have a new crush, imagine that, i am crushing on another girl, but this one more than ever. The first one, over her, second one, we are kinda friends, no crush goin on there, really, she smells good though, lol, but my new crush, omg, she's a new friend, so i don't know much about her, i know her name, i know of a few boys she's dated, she's a year behind me in school, but she's awesome. this was gonna be a journal, but i just decided to write a little poem thingy, wow, my heart is pounding just thinking of her.
I know that my crush is bi, i am pretty sure she is, i just want her so bad. today in the tennis match, i was waiting for my doubles partner to get the ball before she served, and i was looking around, mainly at her, and kind of at everyone elses scores, and she asked me if i was looking for something. HAHA, i got caught with my mouth open. staring at her, I told her that i was just looking around, checking the scores.
i just found out tonight that my crush, the girl who's pants i want to get in sooo bad, is dating a guy who i cant' stand. So, i was on my way home, and i this urge to get into a car accident, but i fought the urge, and would never do it, on purpose any ways. god, fuck life, but i don't even know anymore, i saw her twice today, once at practice, and then once at the courts tonight, i gave her a st
so, the other day i went to a store, i had to get something small and stupid or something, and i say this car. There was a bumper sticker on this car, that said something like
marriage= (man figure) + (woman figure)
it made me sick, and want to throw up.
ok, question. My grandma mentioned something about wearing yellow on thursday supporting gays. does that mean that on thursday we are supposed to wear yellow or something? i am confused
She finally came home, and I finally did it. I told her i have a crush on her, and she told me, "I have something to tell you too, I'm not Bi anymore, I'm straight, I still like girls, but i like guys a lot more." My day sucked, before i heard she was home, and i got a call from her, then as soon as i talked to her, i was sooooo happy, as soon as i heard her voice, and then, we talked about the above, and my mood just sunk.
omg, i don't know what is happening, i am sooo happy, especially right now, talking to mein lieb, mein mädchen, mein lieblingsdame, but at the same time, i am sooo sad, i am all of a sudden thinking about mz crush, and thinking about how i will never see mein mädchen, two different people, who i don't know if i will see, one there is a chance with, the other, only talking online, god, what the fuck is wrong with me?
So, i was riding on the boat, just sitting there, closing my eyes, thinking, and i finally realized who, and what i am. I always thought that in order to know who you are gonna be, what u r gonna be, you had to know who and what you are. I always thought i knew who i was, cuz i have always known what i want to be,but apparently not who i want to be. So, sitting there, thinking, i realized that i am a girl, who doesn't know who i am, i am a punk, a jock, a prep, a goth at heart, a loner, a, well, just about everything you can think of, i am everything, and don't fit in, with any one, but yet i fit in with everyone. I am a puck rock girl, i can't stop with the rock on hand sign. I am goth, god, lately, i wanna wear black, i don't wear makeup, but i wanna line my eyes with black, just a little, wanna wear a red tank, black pants, the things that go over your hands, and arms, (can't remember what they are called) the greenday ones you get from claire's, my new favorite store- hot topic, and spencer's. I wanna be a rebel, I am a rebel, at heart, but i can't be, my parents, god they wouldn't understand, my sister, she looks up to me. I want to smoke, just try it, once, just once, i wanna try drugs, kinda, just to see, i wanna drink more, i have drank once, but i wanna drink more, have a good time, go to a party, where we don't just play games, where other things happen, where the girls don't just talk, where i am not the only one who feels like this, a party where somehting exciting happens, we don't just watch movies, a party with my crush, that is exactly what it would be like, i imagine.
It's been a while, but don't worry, i m not gone, lol. Here i am to bore you with my problems now. I know that my problems aren't as big as some of yours, but I have been trying to deal with it for quite sometime now, and just need to get it off my chest. My crush might be moving down to georgia, she is also my friend, and i don't know if she is still down there visiting her dad, and i don't have her number or anything, and it makes me upset, cuz i just want to tell her i have a crush on her, she is bi, so it will be a little easier, but we are good friends and i dont want anything to change, i know, i know, a lot of u have problems because you have a crush on a straight person, but it is still hard.
have you ever had a crush on somebody, then before you can do anything about it, it is too late? that just happened to me, i had a crush on a german foriegn exchange student who i didn't think was leaving til the 25, but i found out she is leaving tomorrow, i found that out today, it totally sucks. I had this big plan, my parents won't be home on thursday, and my sister is at camp, it was going to
does any body know what, if anything, you wear under a wet suit????
i feel really, really, really bad about this, but someone suggested a book for me to read, i don't remember what the book was, or who suggested it to me, i think it was someone who's name started with an S, but i have no idea, and i feel really bad, but i really wanna read that book, and i really wanna talk to that person again, i hate myself sometimes.
omg, what an idiot!!!!!! I am absolutely infuriated wiht bush right now. i am watching the news tonight at dinner, and they say something about bush trying, yet again, to get a constitutional ammendment to ban same sex marriages. it didn't work before, thank god, but who knows, i don't know if it will happen now. even before i decided i was bi, i have been all for gay rights. seriously, first it was the colored people, then the women, and now the gays. WTF. so, basically, if you are not a white, straight, male, you are screwed, and doomed to live a horrible life. if you are a woman, gay, and colored, you are really screwed. if you are any combination of any of those, you get discriminated against. lets face it, there will always be tha group who is discriminated against, it all depends on when you are living, what group it is. now, the unfortunate people are us. the not "normal" people, the people who aren't all into the opposite sex, and if you are bi, you have even more problems, straight ppl hate u, because u r, in a way, gay, gay ppl discriminate because u r in a way, straight. it is just like those kids who grew up just after the emancipation proclamation who were half black, half white. it is horrible how u r discriminated against, over something u can't control. you can't control the color of your skin, you can't control who u r attracted to, ppl are stupid, and i can't stand it. don't get me wrong, i am not saying that all straight ppl hate gays, or that all gay ppl hate straight ppl, or that no one likes bisexuals, i am just saying that there are a lot of ppl out there who discriminate, and i am not saying that what happened to african americans is even comparible to what is happening to us, but we are going backwards, we started out with rights, like regular ppl, and we are slowly, but surely getting them taken away. we are just ppl, just ppl born without that mutation, the mutation of hating everyone different than us. nothing bothers me more than when someone says that god wants marriage between just a man and a woman. Pick up the clue phone it's ringing, hello!!!!!! i fgod created everything, he obviously created gay ppl. he obviously decided that the world was over populated, so he decided that instead of all these single ppl, who are not as happy, he would create ppl who couldn't reproduce, but it didn't matter, because they were happy, which would be the gay ppl. if god intended marriage to be between a man and a woman, only, then why would he have created gay ppl? come on, he created the people, and had this plan for the ppl, who decided to get married, in a gay relatioinship. if god really doesn't want gay ppl to be happily married, then why would he have started it, if he wanted it to be outlawed in the church, why would he have created gayness, if he really wanted everyone to be straight, why would he have created gaynes?