Everybody's looking for a reason
To say they're not okay,
And everybody’s searching for something to believe in
So a celebrity hears you when you pray.
I wanted you to read this so I could fully explain to you my current feel on religion. I didn't want to say it to you because I want to just get this out there so we can talk about it later with you understanding that I do not hate God. I want to believe.
This entire story is kind of embarrassing for me, but here it goes anyway.
I was in my Relationships class today, which is a class all about how to have healthy interactions and romantic relationships with people in your every day life. It's essentially just a branch of sociology but focused more on understanding people's emotions than how people work in general.
Last year, I met this nice guy and after a few dates we kissed, but after that we sort of fell apart. Recently, we got back together, so to speak, and we kissed again tonight.
I'm conflicted on this. On one hand, I really like this guy. He's cute, sensitive (but not too sensitive, just enough), funny, intelligent... most of what I look for in a guy.
I'm different and I'm happy
So I have much to prove.
I have to show I'm worthy of love...
Worthy of care... admiration..
I have to prove that I deserve
everything that "they" deserve.
I have to be more than "the gay kid".
I have to be more than a student,
a son, a friend...
Just so I can stay where I am.
My heart's conflicted, because inside
By night she walks among the dead.
By day she walks among the shadows.
In hell she sees the pain in light.
In heaven she binds and tests the hallows.
Her venom lies, the sacred dies
Upon a crown of acid thorns.
The beloved toxins cracking down
To blood-drenched hair, the story warns
To bid no trespasser entrance to grief
While praying love, a preaching thief,
I’m going to lay this down
Till you “la la la” your insides out.
With the arrival in,
The king and queen think you’ll be saved.
With it all said and done
Half the battle has been won.
Still, there’s a war on either side
Saluting the march of the dead.
Free formed and rebellious,
So they said you’d come around.
It’s a phase, it’s a teen fad,
You’ll get over this soon.
He wears a smile for icon, not emotion.
His mind is throbbing from the toxic stare.
His parents love him, though not without condition.
“If only”, they cry, yet they speak not a word.
Not a word…
It all gets back through a web,
Entwined by word of mouth.
It’s better than advertising
It’s gossip and hate,
Spreading faster than wildfire
In the dry arid lands.
Feel free to tell me what you think!
(Names have been changed for the protection of those mentioned)
As I write this, I am sitting at a small desk in study hall, watching the snow outside blanket the street with a thin layer of white fluff. The flags in front of the school are still at half-mast in honor of the death of Gerald Ford, though it’s been several weeks since his passing.
Not the movie, I've been accepted to the University of Toledo! I'm really excited!
The best part is, Toledo is my first choice and I wasn't sure if I would even get in, but WOOOOOOO!
Okay, that's all I have to say. Well, besides this last thing:
[It's simple, but it portrays what I'm feeling right now]
From the darkest age
When hell met my mind
Locked in you will find
A thought that will never go.
I see you watch me
Begging to ask me –
I see you watching –
If only it could be so perfect…
If only “If” wasn’t such an empty word.
So tell me if I entertain these thoughts
Will I let the darkness back in?
(This is a song written for a friend's band)
This song is about addiction,
But not to cigarettes
(Though I’d like a pack).
This isn’t about alcohol,
Though I wouldn’t pass it up.
This isn’t about drugs,
I’d never touch the stuff
(Come on, it was just that one time.)
This is just a cheesy song
To the one I love.
Over-dramatics dripping in blood
Seem typical for me.
Hey, I've listed links to each of the covers I designed.
Note: the second one is more of a joke than anything. I was bored when I designed it. It's still kinda cute though.
For those of you who want to see the good details: Hi-res