well its been 3 days 3 whole days...it feels wierd i have mix emotions bout it toooo......uh ill tell ya wat happned if ya listen....on saturday of last weekend i went to a party and while i was at tha party i realized that i...well idk wat i realized i guess the fact that me and my bestfreind isnt the same anymore and it hard on my cuz my therapist said im sentivie watever that means...well anywa
The Sun Will Rise
There will come soft rain
when we learn to accept it
when we are accepted
there will come soft rain
when we arent scared
when we arent afriad of
there will come soft rain
when we dont lose loved ones
when we arent losed to them
there will come soft rain
when we dont lose one of us
when we arent blamed for it
there will come soft rain
before the sun will r
i jus want to rite rite rite and RITE!!!! but it wont come to head, no it wont cuz i dont want to rhyme but thats all my brain will say.....sooo im like uhhhh.....well we had homecomin on friday and well it was great till my i caught my crush..and so it started to sux bigtime...well i really cant wait till thursday to see my therapist cuz i like him and we left off at something i think can help me
oh gosh im sooooooooooo SCARED why? though i mean ive wanted to see one and now that i am, im scared...uhh i will never understand myself...on other news i think i have found enough courage to stand up agaisnt my bestfriend becuz she hasnt been a good friend ever since i told her i was bi and uhh well and alot of people who know i am think im all gay sometimes i think it too i mean lately i find no guys hot and i mostly talk bout girls (cuz i luv them) and so yeah....well bak to subject today i asked her if i was to go out with a girl do u think i be sweet (Nice, Charming, U no!!)...and all my friend who know said yes id be...why she thought i sed if i was to go with a girl would it be sweet and she sed no to to that i so wanted to say fuck u and leave but im not strong enough and i dont want to lose her as a freind but the thing is if she like this she really isnt my friend...well she answered my orignal qusetion yes...so im kinda happy by that but still....... bak to pschologist thing im really really really really REALLY SCARED but why i need it i think....uhh well byz
im goin to vent so this is either goin to be a rant or normal journal entry i really do care if someone reads this i need some support seeing as my bestfreind wont...so who ever reads this, learns the truth the real truth. sry i had to lie to get someone to read this
On thursday we had a game, but i didnt have a buddy to sit with that i wanted to sit with well actually i did but i always sat with her so i wanted to sit with my bf who didnt have a ride.
gosh im being stupid today i dont know why but i got to ryme haha lol but hey i feel great and bad all at the same i feel like me but i wishe me was different and now i will give probs to all tha poeple who has helped me through some troublin time...........uhhhhhh...no not that person they started it...umm *thinkin hard* well i guess no cuz i cant even figure out wat the fuck i feel at times.....
dude i cannot find a solid gay youth group on myspace without sex in it im a serious bout it too im mean like omg the world does not revolve around sex yeah it great but still....i mean gosh no wonder everytime my friends talk bout gays they think only bout the sex part jeeze
on others new i found my long time lost freind and now we talkt o each other on myspace i luv u myspace for gettin me bak with my friend
start with songs so u can get a sense of how i feel...like shit
"did i drive you away, i know wat ull say, u say ohh....sing one u know, but i promise u this, ill always look out for u, thats wat ill do"
- Cold Play
"I never thought I'd walk away from you. I did.
But it's a false sense of accomplishment. Every time I quit."
- Jimmy Eat World
ok got a issue on myspace i want to put bi but ive got friends on there that r umm that i dont know if they be okay with it but i really want to make this about me but i dont want to lose any friends in tha process i guess i cant have both without losin the other i mean i spent 30 minutes lookin for the most descriet pic supportin gay and i shouldnt have to do that i should jus pic the first one t
ok when i was in the closet last year i was a touchy person i mean not to feel up on anyone but cuz im a touchy person i express my feelings of love and care from touch...with my freidns but now that im out to almost all the people who i sit wit at lunch and my bestfriend i feel like a have a touch boundary and it hurts cuz idk i mean when im in line wit one of friends they say ur too close and im
well well well well i dont know wat im sayin but thats cool umm lets see nothings really happened much ecept the fact i kinda want to mite move to corpus chirsti i want to cuz of me bein bi and my litte ol town is small but also becuz i want to start anew let me explain wat i mean:
ok ive lived in this town for bout 11 months now and i jus want to run run so far away. im not used to livin some place for a long amount of time..so i dont know how to escape these feelings i have and idk with my bf.....i jus feel abandon and alone.....mom is dead,1st Grandpa is dead and dont know my dad..and those r the people id cared the most about so yeah and the other thing is noone understands me, hell i dont even understand me. I mean how can i still feel so sad and be able to make myself laugh, other people laugh and still keep a smile why cant i jus reflected the way i feel..i guess i dont know how to let it go. How to keep my brain form wondering and well uhh. I feel older than 13 and jus wish i was i mean if im gonna be treated like im older mite as well be...(thats the effect when u kinda had to take care of ur sister and mom when u were only 9 or 10 i feel older i feel like my sister and little niece get baby and i dont)my lifes been like shit since then when idk when i felt safe...cuz now i dont....i guess i went of subject sry...im jus sayin im gettin that feelin and i want to run so bad but now im here and i have to face it cuz even if i run it will come bak maybe later than sooner but it will come bak in the end..so i guess i cant run forever...i have to face everything and stand up but how and where do i start
ok i dont know wats goin on but im gettin more and more confused and idk why ok this is wat happened on friday i told my crush i loved her over text mes and she acted stupid like she didnt get it and then today i told her that my cousin was tex mes to people on a friends fone and it was a number off my fone and he was teasin me bout bein bi and him textin someone who knows i am that i love them so yeah my crush loled and sed she didnt know who it was and left and then at lunch i was wearin jeans and a hoddie and she sed i look cute and im like wat i dont have make up on my hair is messed up and my pants r saggin cuz my belt broke and she sed again u look cute and i go ok
yeah well im jus so damn happy that i got a name to a feelin im in love and i dont care who knows oh yeah but im in love with a naive runaway from things jerk but that doesnt dimm the fact that i actually know wat this feelin is yes oh yeah
in other news i think i need to talk to my naive runaway from things jerk and tell her to stop sayin shit like i dont like that art of u or i wish u were different cuz if not im gonna tell her off bad (im a nice person i dont like to be mean but when im pushed over the edge its over byebye nice person hello total bitch) well yeah