ok i wrote this when i was drivin home from a trip.....
i guess it true: teen love, but who know it be you, i thought i was over you till i cuaght ur face, i thought i was over you till my heart started to pace, i glow when im around u, i dimmed when im not, you make me as happy as u can make me sad, but as much as this is all true you still dont love me too.
gosh i need some inspiration im like stuck like chuck and u would think i would have some but i dont and it wierd i mean ok here r some stuff that should give me inspiration: bestfriend tells me she hate the gay part of me (well jeez thats like completely hate me). i cant stop think of my former crush who lives in cali while im here in tex and who i havent talk to since like may. and to top all this off my bestfriend is sendin me mix signals
ok today is our fisrt football game and our team cheers first gosh talk bout nervous and besides that there will (i think) be no other team to cheer agaisnt so thats stupid really stupid (gosh talk bout losin oppotunity to see other girls like me) well yeah i hope i make the c team for volleyball cuz we get to travel well g2g get dressssss im sooo changin the poll im (no offense)kinda sick of it
oh my god everything is fucked up..in my head, in my heart..man if i was one who really wasnt scared
pain i know i would have cut myself from all of this..or maybe i jus havent reach that point yet
idk wat goin on but ive lost my bestfriend (who my ex crush) and i jus feel so damn alone and jus damn
and all of this is sooo wrong i mean soooo wrong i jus feel like every god damn thing is against me
man life is so unfair...it is jus so damn hard to tell whos gay and whose straight i mean seriously a girl in my home ec is jus so dang cute and well dang she jus so damn flirtation its killin me and one of my peeps that i sit wit at lunch is really killin wit these mix singnals i means she jus way to touchy for me and my ex crush (whose my bestfriend) thinks i have a crush on her cuz i talk bout her but i dont...she jus so danm touchy flirty feely person and its drivin me bannanas so yeah... schools alrite and lifes cool but i think my grams has been lookin at my stuff if so im gonna rite i note and be all like cussin her out..well byz
ok so schools alrite its jus i feel so bad when i feel so good i know doesnt make sense (never does) ok ill explain wat i mean well (the Good) ive have atleast one of my freinds in evryone of my class, there some hot people in my classes and i have lots more people lookin at me and i feel awhole lot confident bout my sexuality and myself this year (as in i know wat i am and im stickin wit it)umm lets see oh i got transfered to adv. history on friday and i have a class wit like all girls and alot of my friends r in thay class....ok (The Bad) i havent talked to my bestfriend (which is my ex crush) since school started and im really sad.mad.feel bad. bout it i mean i have no one to talk to and well ahh...remeber that posted bout her gettin close to god....well so that means she droped some of her freinds and now im pissed bout that cuz (hey we had somethin thats doesnt mean leave it when u want to change apart of uand other bad new is that well there this girl in my home ec class and we both stare at each other like idk i jus wish she didnt cuz it kinda makes me uncomfortable like she can read me like im a open book....but she really cute...hot...and a 7th grader
ok anyways today was ok but i feel like im lost. totally lost well at lunch all i could think bout was her my exbf (well actually thats all ive been thinkin bout)....its complicated but i dont talk to her and well she doesnt talk to me but everyime im around her she looks at me...but i dont want to go talk to her idk i think i will though cuz i want her bak and its only been 2 days...at lunch she was sittin by herself (her freinds were in tha lunch line) and i so badly wanted to go and jus say hey wats up or jus sit and be like watcha doin my usual self around her but im still hurt froom her and dont want to open up...if someone wants to know me they have to either force it out of me or jus read my stuff (not gonna hapened seein i got my notebook wit me all tha time)....well do u think i should get her birthday gift for her bday on friday??
alrite so im a cheerleader and we had to wear our outfits today...and im surprised at how i acted.....i told myself i was gonna be different this year..like seperatin school from home..alrite ill admit it im gonna not be myself cuz noone understands and i senitive and get hurt easly so that..well bak to wat i was sayin i acted like confident..outgoin like and i luved it and bysides that i got look
Ill Get Over You
my heart is poundin to tha beat,and i cant believ a got cold feat.
but i do cuz i get it everytime im around u, thinkin of u, talkin bout u...ooo...i got it bad,man. but hey my heart is still urs. even though u keep on brakin it, shakin it, and makin it. but hey now i know i cant have you, even though my feelins jus wont go away its like some kinda plaue,so im always sick,sick wit you,sick wit love, but hey dont worry cuz i dont need a cure, and someday ill get over you.
oh gosh i dont know wat to do its wierd though i mean like she asked if it was her and i sed yes but now i dont know wat to do cuz we were on the computer and her mom can read our conversations and yall but like i wish i knew wat she was thinkin of at that time, cuz i know im still pissed at her i got over her yesterday when she told me she was hestatin to invite my to her brithday party (which pi
gosh im gonna write this down in my notebook laterz but gonna put it here gosh every girl i have fallin for has a secret and i guess thats why i fall for'em cuz im a curious girl and..well im not noisy i wont like go into peeps stuff or stuff like that but..my first crush in 4th grade had a secret hers was that there was somethin up wit her adoptive parents (i like who changes theyer adoptive kids name while they in 1 grade and then sed them bak to the same school) and then my crush in 6th grade had a secret to but hers was that she was confused bout her sexuality... and now my crush for 7th grade shes umm well she confusin..sends out mix signals but somethings up wit her...she too innecent and naive to not have a secret i mean stuff happenes...idk i guess i like those mysterious type...but all this points to tha fact that i havent had a boy crush since 3rd grade and im not even sure if that was a crush or a repressing from reality crush...
man today i was like saposed to be fun,happy,excited but now im like fuck fuck FUCK!!! ok so im like a cheerleader as some know and well today i had to go help pass out scheduales for when school start and help the younger girls get ready for athletics(note:that one of the reason i was happy bout today cuz i could check out the new stuff)and well i got there got my scheduale and locker for athletics well when i was done i went over to my crush(she was helpin pass out the scheduale)well 2 of my friends were standin rite there and they sed hi to me and she jus sat there lookin grim and didnt say anything to me so i walk over to her and tap her on tha head and say wat u dont know how to say hi (jus playin wit her) and she sed hi in like a bad attittude well i jus blew her of and went and hung out wit my other freinds and then i went wit on of friends and sat in one chair together next to my crush and stuff well she still loookin all glumy so i say think bout mcdonalds(u know "put a smile on") and she says i dont like mcdonalds and i say i had taco bell last nite so that makes her smile and so she gets all perky its jus i dont know i think me bein mad becuz she didnt act the way i thought she would act to me and her not seein each other for a long time like everyone else did when they saw me and she was the only one i really cared to see....and i guess i got piss when she was hangin wit some girl and lolin cuz she was like there...and i guess im mad cuz i didnt tell her i liked her like i was saposed to do...uhh..i dont know i think im jus over reactin or not i think that me and her r driftin and i dont know why we live like 12 houses away and we dont go to each other houses and well uhh i dont know i think she jus...dealin wit somethin she doesnt want to tell cuz like u know all the suddened out of the blues she wants to get closer to god and then like kinda blames her bad behaviour on the people she hangs out wit and im like u chose the stuff u do i dont know but...man....on other news i told another on of my freinds of bein bi they told me that they mite be bi too and i also kinda told her who my crush she told me she wouldnt tell but im not al l so sure but i think i do thing subcounsliy cuz im to scared to do em well i think i told her cuz she will tell my crush and i wont have too