I've been dreaming about consuming Psilocybin mushrooms more frequently. I don't know why, I've never had interest in them, but they've been appearing in my most recent dreams. Last night I was at an outdoor concert with a lot of my friends, and someone gave me some Psilocybin, which I immediately consumed. It didn't give me any hallucinations, but it did cause me to mostly lose control of my actions; it actually seemed to have more of an alcoholic effect on me than anything else.
So there I was, alone in the same stretch of road from a previous dream many months ago. I'm walking a road in what appears to be a rural area but not devoid of any signs of life, 1 - 2 cars drive by, I see no faces. I'm continually walking a lone road into a neighborhood that seems to appear subtly, I continue walking.
I had a great sleep last night. I decided to go ahead and listen to this:
This morning was pretty busy with a few deadlines and quizzes to do, but I got each one done in record time. One of my friends, phoned me up and we both decided to meet up. It was particularly cold, ok, well it was in the high 50's but it warranted a bit of warm clothing so I dug through my closet to put together a nice outfit.
I'm burning his bridges for him. He shouldn't have made himself my enemy. While he was my friend I had an obligation to take care of him, but he decided he didn't want that anymore. So I'm cutting him off, just like I warned him I would if he ever hurt my partner again. Heh. Poor idiot... I don't think he realized I didn't mean cutting him off from me, or even just the support my family gave him.
I meant from everyone.
Entha and i went on another walk last weekend. He'll be celebrating Halloween with his girlfriend of course. That just made me feel bad all week, because I know that I will never be as important to him as he is to me. And even if somehow that is the case, I will never know. I'll only feel the distance of a casual friendship that makes me feel worthless, and somehow I sort of feel like I could have avoided this. Maybe I could have done something that would have changed the way things went but I was too afraid of the risk. Unfortunately I have no idea what that could be.
I suspect this will become a "developing" story as it took place here in the U.S. (where?), but it had to be reported to us from the U.K.! The letter from the church is unconscionable; the response, magnificent!
I think this ingenious, hilarious!
I think we'll all miss this website a lot. I hope that we can all find a way to vent some of our feelings with out oasis but I know it won't be the same. On the slightly bright side I may be switching therapists. You know that point where you tell everything to lets say a parent but then later on you are having a even harder time but it would be to awkward to tell that parent because they still think your a little kid? I started with my therapist when I was around eight so I think that scenario has happened. Also I joined a group and every friday we just get together and talk.
this site is going I guess. Hm. it doesn't bother me as much as perhaps it might have years ago. this place meant a lot to me, once upon a time. i was so childish then. so perhaps thats what this place is. a place for children. a place for my so-called childhood. maybe that's why im not sad to see it go.
i used to call this place home, as much as that makes sense. a place where i was cared for. the place where i was cared for. but homes change i suppose.
Preface: A few years ago I deleted as much of my activity on this website as
I could because a friend of a friend of a friend traced me back to it. I was most active in regards to posting and messaging from 2007 to 2010-ish. I don't know anyone still on here except for maybe Jeff (hi), but I saw that this biz was closing shop and felt the need to give an update.
Things I have learned:
The winds are picking up again with a recent front. Leaves are falling from the trees ealier this year. I must admit I'm quite pleased, aside from my studies and other pursuits it's nice to observe the changing scenery as always. It is so profound even though it happens every year, it never ceases to amaze me.
I'm pretty bored today for some reason, and I don't know why, but I've been doing a lot of things. My free time has been partitioned between reading Gnostic scriptures, studying the Coptic language, drawing things, listening to some tunes, and writing many, many pages of poems, most of which I will likely never look at again. In the past week and a half I've written well over 20 pages of them just because I've felt like writing things and had nothing else to do. I want to use some of my poems in music, but I don't know how I'll do that.