It's been a while since I've been on here and when I tried recently the site wasn't running, but now I'm back and oh so thankful!
Right after I wrote my last journal I started to feel not so great, and in France we have cold and flu season just like in the United States. It hit me really hard, then got worse. I went to my doctor and was sent right away to the hospital with pneumonia, and was there for almost two weeks. It just kicked my butt!!! I lost 5 kilos of weight (eleven pounds) and am just starting to get my strenght back.
Gay SG Confessions has been around on Facebook for only two weeks... and is proving to be an extremely popular venue for gay teens and up:
The FB link to Gay SG Confessions is:
https://www.facebook.com/GaySgConfessions (Then log in to read.)
Just a quick perusal of the comments suggests that many could find a most hearty welcome here on Oasis!
I have had a very interesting and fascinating revelation about myself in the past few weeks.
~~~~~~~~~~ COMMENCE VANITY SEQUENCE~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nothing's really new, almost as if things never change, however that's not true since everything has it's subtle changes. It's been quite the interesting time in my life, what with friends and chaotic events popping up hither and thither. All in all pretty good, all the ups and downs to be expected, all adds to experience and character.
Today is Caitlin's birthday. I'm excited for her. I drew her a cupcake and said Happy Birthday. She doesn't really care that it's her birthday. She says it's just another day. I'm trying to be a good friend and make it more exciting but she won't talk to me anymore.
*I guess this is my version of a love letter :) the title is from my all-time favorite book by Nick Burd.
Dear perpetual stranger,
In august, I saw you at a neighborhood get-together
and though we both said it was stupid and boring,
the truth is I didn't mind because your irises were
filled with buttery gingerbread and your Clark Kent
type smile made me feel like I wasn't a sad story,
doing somersaults through the summer.
Trailer park flowers grow outside your front door,
but I walk up the road leading to it
with excitement ramming in my chest because
Looks like we're back?
I have come out to another friend, been to a couple of great rock shows, met a few of the local radio stations' rock girl hopefuls, wrecked my bike and smashed my face (concussion), and even journeyed north to the mythical land of the mukluk, where Draco and Swimmerguy reside. It was beautiful.
I guess I should start out w/ the coming out...as the last week or two has progressed, my friend T I came out to the other day, well...we have been conversing...and talking about who is hotter from the local radio station's contest for their 'rock girls'....aka chicks who look hot in bikinis.
Things continue to be very bland. I had kind of a field trip yesterday, so that was good. There's another one coming up soon too. It's not too exciting because these involve actually doing work and also that girl I think I might like a little isn't in the clubs or classes that get to go. Still, it's always nice to get out of that miserable school for a day.
I started counting my calories a few weeks ago. I'm not necessarily on a "diet," really. I simply make sure I don't eat over a certain number of calories per day. (I ruined it yesterday with seasoned fries and Mr. Pibb, though. Seasoned fries and Mr. Pibb is the snack of the gods. Actually, I think it's called Pibb Xtra now, but I distinctly remember it being called Mr. Pibb at one point, and I feel dumb saying "Pibb Xtra.") A few times a week I exercise too. But, I don't have any place to do it except outside, and I kind of hate it because neighbors bother me when I am clearly quite busy. I've lost some weight, I think. I'm not really all that interested in the number on the scale, so I haven't been checking that too much. I'm mainly interested in how my clothes fit and how I look instead. My wretched school uniform skirt is baggier than usual. Very nice.
I find that as I grow older I only grow stranger, I find myself grasping on to the idea of boyhood like it's a vine on a cliff named Soon-to-Be Twenty. It's not a question of being afraid of maturity or responsibility, but trying to hold on to wonder, to magic. I may be clever, but I certainly hope that in the face of the universe I'll stay a child, constantly dazzled by the new.
My braces are gone now. I've had them since freshman year, nearly four years. Feels weird, man. My mouth feels naked without them. My teeth are nice and straight, I can eat corn off the cob and chewy caramel and other delightful foodstuffs. However, I have to wear my retainer for a ridiculous length of time. It'll be going to college with me. Yay. I've been told that if I choose not to wear it my teeth will move back to where they were before the braces and thousands of precious dollars will be wasted. Ultimatums. Yay.
Sometimes I think, "hey, maybe I'd like to have a family when I'm old; I hear great things about them." Then I remember that families include other people who I have to actually care about, and that's something I want to get away from, since I have so much of that right now. Nope. I want to die alone. Maybe with a romantic partner or something. Not planning on marriage, either, so that isn't a definite. (And I'm planning on killing myself before I get old. I don't want to die of natural causes, so I'm planning on one day going skydiving and not pulling the parachute.)
You claim she's making you restless
with her strings of costume jewelry
and celebrity perfume that reeks
of insecurity and family issues.
But despite all your complaining,
the way I see things, your heart
is just as isolated as this girl's
and you two aren't that different.
She thinks it's funny to call her
peers names that she dug up
out of her dad's expensive yard,
covered in undeserving soil
and pubescent bacteria.
"Dance with me," she says.
"So everyone will think you're normal."
And you make excuses as
disco balls throw cliches
against the rundown walls of a gym
This is such a powerful video... just posted today!