Some of you may or may not remember me from about three years ago. I recall that being around 2010. I was just a simple child who found this site and, in turn, was able to find light in such a dark time. High school was a terrible place. And being gay, black, and a sufferer of chronic depression didn't help.
I leave for college tomorrow. All summer I've been wishing for time's quicker passing and now that my wish has seemed to come true I'm a little nervous. But a good kind of nervous. Most of my things are packed and my dad is coming over later today to load my stuff in his truck since my trunk's latch is busted. So I'll be shoving a few giant Tupperware containers in my back seats and Dad'll take care of the rest.
No one appreciates the work I do.
Today after I got home from school, I got a message from Nico's girlfriend saying if she could ask me something, my first guess was about what had happened with Nico last year when she replied saying that she's making an interview about the LGBT community, she sent my some text saying some things about how hard is being homosexual in some countries and the support that we get from friends or the hate we get and more stuff, then she just asks me if I'm gay, my typical reply was a typical no and then she's says that she already knows and that it's ok, I was about to die and my nerves were killin
The boyfriend called me tonight saying he missed me. The words felt so foreign to me, I was taken a little by surprise. He wanted to chat to me this morning but I had so much to do I forgot to call him back. His words felt genuine - I actually felt a rush of happiness when he said it. He said it just before I was bout to go, and I said it back to me. He went skiing for the week. It's only been two days since we saw each other.
- - - - -
Hi. Firstly, I would like to apologise, I realise that on here I'm one of those super annoying folk who only talk about their own problems, and never bother to listen to others. But hey, I'm not forcing you to read or comment... In fact, it's probably best if you stop now. I rarely make sense. But if you do then thanks very very much in advance. It's just the writing about things that helps me really. And I suck at giving advice.
Cigarettes smoked: four
1 out of bed
2 because I was procrastinating
3 because I was with a friend
4 because it was a late night at work and I needed something to keep me going
- - - - -
Is it okay for me to keep myself out of who I am. I am who I am. I am bisexual I am afraid to come out. I can't keep my secrets to myself. Is it okay to keep it hidden at school, at home, everywhere i go. I can't keep this inside anymore.I can't hide stuff all the time. I am who I am.
*inspired by this quote: "Love is not moral or immoral. It just is," from City of Ashes by Cassandra Clare.*
Firewood crackles in your eyes,
glowing like a pretty little swearword.
And I ask where you came from, lover;
from the aging spring moon or
the shipyards outside of town
where we found each other
that first night when your
hands were cold around my waist and
my breaths were coming out
in impatient gasps of poetic escapism
as you kissed me under
the street lamp pretense
of wanting to head on home?
Are we just a little too far gone,
lost in a swirl of colorful smoke
Well life has been getting a tad bit better. My parents finally let me redecorate my room, which is now plastered in posters of Harry Potter & the Hunger Games. I've also started adminning on a bunch of fan pages on Facebook. I like making fanart, it turns out. My name is Luna Malfoy, check me out!
So today was the start of another year of high school. In other words, dismissing my mother's vague notions of *moving*, I'm taking this year to really and officially come out as trans. Whopee.
I believe I passed fairly well- the people who had never met me before, i. e. students and new teachers, automatically used male pronouns and were rather suprised to see my birth name and an 'F' on the seating chart. Most readily accepted calling me Jay. People who had met me previously, however, definitely still recognised me and weren't wiling to let it slide so easily.
-Love isn't supposed to hurt. The way we humans love one another is flawed and we create the hurt.
-I said goodbye to a friend over dinner a few days ago. We went to the same restaurant we used to go to every Monday. She's left for Minnesota and I feel absolutely nothing.
-The past hurts to think about. There are people I miss and memories I want to relive, but the future is looking fantastic.
I'm sleepy, I'm trying to fix my girlfriends laptop. It's 3 weeks to holidays! I've so much work to do. I should probably be sleeping right now. I'm writing this journal to try pass the time while I wait for Ubuntu to install.
I've run out of stuff to say now. Life is extremely mundane but also extremely nice right now.
This performance is well worth your time... believe me!