Dear That Guy,
you're a pretty cool dude in a few ways. Sure you might be a little socially awkward sometimes and you look at me as if I'm judging you for it. I'm not man, I've been there, sometimes we just never had the time for social skills. But you've been improving, I'm glad. Though that's not really what this is about at all.
Sometimes... Sometimes I feel so alone. Sometimes I get this feeling that even when someone understands me a lot, they don't really understand what the world is like to me. They don't look at the things I do and see them like I do. I know that everyone's unique, and nobody can really understand another- sure. But that doesn't make it better.
triggerwarning...transition , self hate, etc.
for the first time the other day, it was thursday night, i turned to a friend of mine during a VIP dinner we both went to.
i asked her "i know this doesn't matter what you think but i just need some validation. would you rather i transition medically or not exist?"
she seemed confused.
let me explain quickly that my idea about transition has changed rapidly and i am now hoping to pursue top surgery and i'm not sure about hormones but maybe.
Don't forget to go to your user profile/edit and in "Time Zone" (bottom of page) select the correct local time, then click "Submit."
WOW I haven't been on in ages! I think I've really outgrown this site but I thought that I'd give a little update for anyone on here who cares to know how I've been doing :)
I turned 16 a week or two ago, and I think it's safe to say 16 will be a much better year than 14 & 15.
So, that fucking fucker Pat has FINALLY finished that fucking novel that he was writing. Took him long enough. Anyone remember Pat? Good times, those times. I mean, besides how fucking awful they were for me mentally. I was fucked. But yeah. Pretty good times.
Oh yeah, I'm feeling a little bit profane. Why? Because fuck you. That's why.
Okay, fine, it's because I'm more than a little fucking annoyed at myself for getting myself involved in a certain situation that I don't care to talk about right now.
That one time I met the voice actor for Ed. Absolutely priceless!
Not that I'm braggin', there were plenty of other people who got to meet him too, heh. :-)
It's too late to call you, now, friend,
and you're probably just pulling off
the road and checking into
some motel with a vintage
sign glowing neon in east Texas.
The truth is, boy, that I wouldn't
know what to say if I could get
a hold of you on the phone
in my current state because
the last time I saw you,
it was raining in bucketfuls
of liquid pearls and your
mother was waving
goodbye on the porch,
as though you were
going off to war and
it'd be the last time
she would see your
hazelnut eyes shining
and that dopey grin.
Boy, I needed to say a lot of things;
So my state runs this boarding magnet school for math and science, and one of my teachers recommended me to go. It would be for high school, so I need to apply this year. They basically look into grades, academic awards, and SAT test scores.
Theatrics! How else to stay sane?
When the world you built falls apart around you, you start to see that all that structure was just a set-piece, and that the life you lived was all just part of the script. You look up, and where once it was too bright to see, you notice the lights. You look down to see the edge of the stage, and beyond it the audience. They're watching you! They're waiting to see what you'll do!
I hooked up tonight....
I'm terrified of death.
I mean, most people are. But I am too, I mean I really am.
I don't know how or when or why this started, I just remember it's been going on for over a year now, I think.
My computer has now been converted to a dual boot system and i am now typing this on IceWeasel using CrunchBang. I have begun what I hope to be a transition to using GNU/Linux as my primary OS kernel, and CrunchBang as my primary OS. Open source software is the best. Now I'll have to figure out a way to partition more hard drive space to this system so I can make room for all my music.
In other news, this has transported me to the center of existence today:
Yeah, I had to put my cat down last night. I knew her health was failing, but it didn't make the decision any easier. We had named her Josie( actually, my sister named her) and I was just a year old when my mother brought her home. Josie was double-pawed which is why my mother chose her from a litter of six kittens. She was a great cat, extremely proficient hunter, and of course, she was lovable.
Well, I have a girlfriend now. Officially, as in that's what we're calling each other now. It seems illogical to dive into a relationship with someone you haven't yet met in person, but hey, we talk on the phone, we text, we see pictures of each other online. I don't have Skype though. She calls me babe, which feels weird but not bad but not excellent either. Oftentimes I don't really know how I feel about everything in general. But more on that later.