crying myself to sleep with a knife to my wrist. The smell of alcohol on my breath. This is how i am living, and i hate it. I just wish i could stop, stop all of it. I wish i had a handle on my life. But lest afce it i don't i can not control my self anymore. and today i began to slip back into to bad stuff, i have stopped eating again...i thought i was over that, but i guess i truely never will be.
1) Why I just took the bisexual quiz, and it told me I was "Definitely not bisexual"... ummm, no. Wrong. Thank you for playing, please try again.
2) Why I woke up this morning and started worrying about having children, and explaining it to my mom...
Trevor broke up with me, but I haven't cried or cut myself or anything. I think I realized I mixed up love and lust. I'm starting to think I will never find love.
Rachael still likes me and I really like her. But she hasn't asked me out again, and I'm kinda afraid to ask her out. She's one of my best friends and I don't want to lose that.
Joey hasn't said anything about going out, and he's acting like a jackass, so I say: fuck him and not literally.
*smirk...grimace* Does anyone know where the bathroom in this place is? Thanks.
Ah yes, I knew you would be frustrated. And I know I've been gone a HELLUVA long time. But don't worry, I haven't changed much, aside from a recent personality disorder I've developed. Yes. Anyhow, It's 4:30, I've been doing Public Policy problem sets for the last three hours, and I will certainly give you a much more adequate update sometime tomorrow. *MUAH* I love you all. And Lauren...*waves frantically* I'm right here!
Normal ramblings of a confused child with so much hope yet so little future................................................................don't click here..............blah blah blah........read on
Tonight I hurt someone really badly. I risked loosing them and their love, along with their trust. I did something really horrible, which I regret, and what's worse is that I did it to protect myself. I made that person cry, I messed with their mind, and I feel like killing myself. I never in my wildest dreams, thought someone could cry over me, let alone someone who has known me for less than a month.
hmmmm....Well i am really fucked up. I have scars on my writs from when i couldn't handle the pian inside. I wanted to hurt myself even more i stopped eating and lost 12 pounds in 2 months. I have a really fucked up realationship with my parents. And i fucked up my realationship with the only person in the world who i thought truly cared about, and the wrost part is i know i am the one who fucked it up. I really just want it all to go back to when i wasn't fucked up, when i loved my parents, when they loved me.
me gods. 12 days and counting. that means that there will be at least 12 more rants...LOL.
Maggie complaining. It happens sometimes.
Perhaps I spoke too soon. Today, Tuesday I've run into difficulty. I sat at the black table at dinner and had nice conversation with a friend.
Chapter 1: Passing Notes
Maybe it was the phone call last night
I ask myself why can't catch up with people I see around me and I ask myself why I'm doing this.
As I emerge from the dining hall
the world is as bright as the day is long
bright with snow
bright as winter
through the long white expanse, I walk
on paked down snow, cold and barren
as the frigid air that smaks my cheek