This is my first time writing anything online, so give me some nice comments, k?
Obviously, i'm gay. always have been, always will (hear that mom? well, guess not cause u'll never find this website now, will u!) my parents are insanely religious, my dad's an elder at our baptist church of 3000 people. my mom has homeschooled me all my life (what are u laughing at? homeschoolers are cool too!) and so my whole life growing up revolved around church, church kids, homeschool, other good christian homeschool kids. all the way from 7th grade to last fall (11th grade) i had tons of guilt and depression and fears about coming out. my parents had clues last fall when they caught me dating a 23-year-old (stupid) but i convinced them it was a phase. made up some lie about the cute girl i met on the church missions trip to peru. no entirely a lie... and no i'm not bi.
Happy Birthday to me!
This ain't no disco, It ain't no country club either, This Is LA, All I wanna do is have some fun, I'm sure his name is Billy, Mack Or Buddy. All I want to do is have some fun untill the sun comes up over Santa Monica Blvd.
" She was makin eyes at me from across the room and then came over and sat with us, and she played some musical chairs and she ended up beside me, and she laughed at something put her hand up to her mouth and when shebrought ti down it was on my inner thigh, where she made a not so subtle rub" NIte 1 of my Five day b-day celebration.
I know that I can be fairly emotional when it comes to political issues, but I generally respect other people's opinions. However, I have to make an exception with the war in Iraq.
I haven't lived in the United States for over a year and a half, and I haven't left China since I got here. However, from what I'm told by friends and relatives and from what I've read in the papers, a disturbingly large portion of the American population supports the war in Iraq.
We're reading Frankenstien in class and I really relate to this Walton fellow.
Luke called from Anna
so yeah. he's schizofriendic.
I had to read an article about gender for my Sociology discussion class tomorrow, and boy, I'm gonna have fun picking it apart in class.
I just want to go away and never come back.
Have this friend. But we are not what we used to be. First of all I feel like I have been lied to. Like everything our friendship was based upon was merely a game. I dont understand why this is happening but I am so mad about it. All of a sudden they are not who they were when we first met. Its all changed. And so rapidly. Its painful as all hell.
I have a major pet peeve: People who come out to some people as gay but bi to others. How the fuck does that work?!??? To some people your gay but to others that you dont want to know your bi????!!!!? I dont think so. It doesnt work that way. To me it screams "I WANT ATTENTION AND TO BE DIFFERENT SO I AM GOING TO LIE!!!". Yah I dont appreciate that. Not at all. But thats how the above mentioned person is acting lately.
A release, a distraction, call it what you will. For awhile it makes that more important than life, than whatever else has gone wrong. I hate that I am typing this now, I hate that I am fucked up enough to need to be typing this. I hate that I am fucked up enough to do the things I do.
Here I am feeling antisocial, working out on my own time on the trendmill trying to loose weight, pondering about war on iraq is really worth it.
Lately I have been getting panic attacks due to my gut instincts. Everytime I have this, I know somthing is going to smother me with saddness or suprise. Two nights ago I saw 2 rings around the full moon, a sign of somthing soon to come. I know people stick to the sciencetific facts that its a sign of rain coming in 24 hours. But to me, I feel theres more to the rings than itself. It told me somthing will happen pretty soon. I dont know what, and I believe we;ll be seeing it.
what the fuck is going on?! like my exbest friend that completely started hating me forever suddenly and i have been spending time together for evident reason. i completely dont understand it. i dont get it. its completely bizarre. so who knows. he and i, who havent gotten along in two years are getting along so well. why? what a totally spinnytrip. and im trapped in this shit school. wanna be home. with my music. like my guitars (still unstrung) or my keyboard, or new nifty sheetmusic program that writes my songs easily and plays them back in midi format. soo useful. so any who know whats going in anything anymore. headtrip headtrip headtrip. oh yeah-and fucking war. fun stuff. OR NOT. one of the two. so i dont know whats going with that either. for what its worth i did a protection spell on my family and friends and of course my spell. so i dont know what to think anymore. lots of confusion. "ball of confusion, oh yeah, thats what the world is today. oye vey." but yeah um....in the words of a wise mage "im not asking you to believe in me. boy i think your confused, im not pershephany. (how do you spell that shit anyways? oh well). love you all
Greetings Ms. Greim,
I have received all of your application pieces except for the part most important to us: the essays.
I have previously blogged today but this has become similar to an open book journal for me and in a normal (what the fuck is normal?) situation I would write whenever the need arose. The need is now.
Feeling a lot of anguish right now and I wish I could pinpoint why. Something inside of me is hurting and if I had to guess what, I would say my heart. But yet again I don't know why. One moment I am all right and the next on the verge of tears. All I know is I am struggling with some pain and some issues but there is no one for me to talk to.