I will soon be twenty-two years old
which is surely the birthday before infinity
sometimes at night I am afraid
I fear that the years and The Life (tm) and her death
have sapped me of my youth, my fire
Long December can still make me cry
and things like that give me hope
Have fun with your food.
Tonight was the open house at the doctoral program that wants me (so far, that is; I'm waiting on word from five schools).
The basic summary is: great program, very humane, high job placement rate and ... no money. They will matriculate 25-30 (it's a large program) and one of those will get a four year fellowship. In contrast, everyone who matriculates at Columbia gets at least a five year fellowship, sometimes six. Most doctoral programs offer funding similar to Columbia's, even if they are offered by public institutions.
Im nonchalant like a watermellon
Spit pieces of me out and throw me arround and im still juicy at least so far
I want to live in Manhattan, or...at least I did.
See, we went to see my Grandpa in Newark, and took a little side trip into Manhattan on the PATH train, to see Ground Zero. At first, I was overcome by the sensation of being in such a wonderful place, filled with such diverse people and such neat sights (especially the building with the sign that said, "Naked boys singing!")
Straight people annoy me. No one should have to be straight. It just isn't fair. That and taken people who still flirt enough to give you a seblance of hope. gar.... Its uber bothersome. Theres this girl at school, and shes beautiful, and nice, and yeah.... and apparently straight. Its all so futile. And now I sound like a stupid teenager, which I am, but I don't really act/think like one much, so Its icky. At least, thats what I think. *sigh*
The chances are getting increasingly better that mom will move me to a different school next year. I don't want to leave my friends, expecially the Writing Club, but I really want a new start.
GUILT TRIP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I do believe Chris hates me now, but I think I have the right to be angry. I mean I did call him a "fucking asshole" but that was after he shoved me out of the way and it was around four people. He yelled "Lisa your a bitch" down a whole hall of people!! But now I feel guilty and I am wicked upset. I hope he doesnt do anything stupid. Grumble.
Other than that....things are going all right. Cept my mother and her gf are trying to set me up with people!!! They do not need to be in any part of my love life what so ever! Especially if it involves the gf's niece. I mean they are getting married! That would be some form of incest or something! And what if we did get into a relationship? Then they would get married and somehow we would be related ::shudders:: HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
hehehe...one of my friends gave me a sticker that had a rainbow on it and said "I don't even think straight".
u know how you've lived ur life straight and lead everyone u know to believe so, then one day u realize how the hell do you explain these to your closest frens whom you've lied to constantly..........and also to those ppl you've dated......sigh.........
if you tell them you're gay, then wat about all the other girls you've dated.......you can't tell them it's part of an act........that would be so mean........sigh......
I love her. And I
Well, heres a little background. I am 15 years old and attend an all boys catholic private high school. A while back I started to develop feelings for a good friend of mine, I think. I have read many of the articles out there for teens and I am not sure if it is just the phase that most teens go through at around this age. I have done a alot of thinking alone for hours on end, but I keep coming back the answer that I do have feelings for him and that I am gay.
Some things are better left unwritten...
Friday after school, hopefully as close to 4:00 p.m. as humanly possible, I'm going to be headed for a camp near the Oregon coast for a retreat with the chorus (the gay men's chorus). Every year we have a retreat that allows us to rehearse A LOT and to get to know each other better.
Work is hard to find these days. Fucking aggrevating. You know what's cooler than being broke on the prairie? Everything. Had to vent that, I feel better now.
I'm thinking very seriously about moving in with an old friend out of state. That's a very heavy proposition for me, and I feel paralyzed by indecision. On the one hand, the idea turns me on to no end. There's something about starting over, the idea of the second chance that very much appeals to the embittered old man in me (a sizable chunk of my person). I feel trapped in my own ennui (I've always really wanted to use that word). I'm just really unhappy with where I'm at right now, both geographically and emotionally, and the idea of someplace new out my window calls to me.