On the way back home, I noticed something all to common in my town. You see, Carmel is a bedroom community, meaning that people sleep here yet work elsewhere for the most part. A side effect is empty streets, save for the people emptying from the high school after the aforementioned play. It was 9:30 on a Friday night, yet Carmel was a ghostown. Sometimes I just want to move.
Damnit, I can't remember this really good quote from "Sure Thing." So instead, I'll substitute something another.
well they don't accept me at all. they can't even look at me anymore. They cringe at my rainbow bracelet, the word CASTRO is like scary to them. I hate the feeling of not being loved. They think crazy things like my school did this to me, it is not fair. Nothing is fair anymore, i think the phrase has lost all meaning. They are always trying to change me, they won't let me form my own identity.
depression really is anger without enthusiasm. this one bloke i really was in love with, who of course didnt like me at all, ran away a bloody few hundred kilometres to a cultural abyss for uni. should i be upset, i dont know anymore. but today, maybe not long ago, he got in the car on the way to glorious where-i'm-not town. its like high-school love of my life, gone running away, probably oblivious completely.
Lets get this clear, I am a go getter. I pretty much see something I want and I go for it, I see something I think needs to be done and I do it. I'm ambitious. And it pisses me off and makes me so frustrated to be closeted to the majority of my peers. I mean, I can't stand up for myself when I want to, I can't say something I am really feeling, and what's worse, I can't just be silent - I have to lie! I have to say "yes, blah blah blah, I would like to see that [horrible aweful terrible unrealistic] movie.... yes I don't mind that [sexist demeaning sick] song that you wanted to listen to. Because if I disagree I would have to explain myself and I'm (insert mocking tone here) too afraid.
Happy Endings Are All Alike. It
Sorry...I am addicted to Penguins. I had an imaginary friend who was a penguin...his named was Bob...*tear* Krystal killed him! *sob* Anyways.....
I was thinking about animals. Not like that! I was just wondering if animals have emotions like humans, could they have the feelings of wanting the same gender? I don't know.
I'm screwed up today...
I took a self-quiz of whether I have depression. There was 15 questions, yes and no. I had zero no's. That's bad.
Not a lot to say other than the fact I'm in PJ's and going off to a rehearsal at 1pm for Cinderella with another member here who hasn't posted anything. [Cough! TripleThreat86 Cough!] I was out and about last night in good ol' Old Town Pas when I was going back to my friends car and these guys were whistling and flashing their lights at us.
Now, it us a bit annoying. Just a bit. So I walk over to give them the hint it really doesn't work on girls. And with the Amstel Light in his hand, the passenger seat boy said to me, "My dad owns the construction company around here. Are you single?"
After all these months of pining away, trying my hardest to catch you... to hold you, just once, and being able to say you were truly mine...
My freind brought this up in conversation the other day. Everyone assumes that everyone is straight until people prove otherwise, or come out. In the perfect world would straight people have to come out to, or would nobody assume anything and we could just be whatever felt natural?
Its something that has been on my mind for some time now. thoughts that I was too ashamed to admit. BUt after talking with people and watching the documetry link jeff posted, I have decided that I am infact Bi. I cannot deny it anymore. My unexplained fascinatiion of breasts can now be explained! I look forward to exploreing this whole new world, now that I am being oepn about my true feelings!
of course i am just joking!
I am a GIRL, I feel ATTRACTED to other GIRLS. Some say it is OKAY and some say it is NOT. I like GUYS too, most say it is NORMAL, but few say MAKE UP YOUR MIND. I want to be HAPPY. I am a piece of shitty lard, who is letting her sexual orientation come in her way of her everyday life. What about college? A career? IAMGAYIAMGAYIMAGAYIAMGAY...SO WHAT????? ARE YOU CRAZY?!?! WHAT IF SOMEONE FINDS
this has been a long week for me. i need a break from my life. even being sick didn't give me any real rest. i had a bit of a moment with my online ex, but she is still too busy for me, even though she says shes still in love with me. so thats not happening. then theres the girl in maryland who also likes me and i can't be with.
i sound all cool with all my girl problems, but its not fun. i'd rather not have any, especially because i'm in in a relationship with any of them.
I am sooooo bored and very frustrated at the moment. I wish I knew how to go out and meet people, have fun, etc. I'm not old enough to go to the gay bars/clubs in town, and I don't know of any gay "parties" here on campus, lol. I don't even really have any friends throwing parties or anything. There's NOTHING to do!!! :P I could go to one of the numerous mardi gras parties being thrown in the numerous guys' dorms on campus, but I just don't get much pleasure out of being squished in a room with 30 people I don't know, plus everyone there would assume I was straight. *sigh*
Long over due, I finally came out to my religious aunt from Canada. Mother and I were in a group chat on MSN with her. We got along with many gossips and some how she blantly told me to find a girlfriend and get it over with. I sorta told her that I dont ever plan on dating girls at all. She didnt get it for a moment *pauses*. Told me whatever happened to the girl from Midland. Im like we are like best of friends. I sorta like boys, you know. *pause* So? What does it make any differance, she says. *mom imz me on another chat* IM PROUD OF YOU! im like im used to it but it was you that didnt want to tell them, mom. she then told me * I THINK SHE ALREADY SUSPECTED* Well like duh, they should since ive been wearing gay shirts, painting my nails and stuff like that. Isnt that obvious?!
I read two different 'that's so gay's in a magazine today and here's my reply. I'm not gonna send it til it's just right, tho so gimme sum luv please and tell me wot u think.