i don't have muhc to say today. nothing happened todzay cuz im such a loser...lol. one of my friends just figured out that i look like gordo from lizzie mcguire...god she's such a dimwit...that's my nickname.

~Gordo~

Damn what a nice day today was. In fact, the last couple days have been quite nice. Did I mention its February in Portland, OR? Not that I am complaining or anything. :)

So im sitting here in my chair blanking out at the computer screen... This is the first saturday night I've spent to myself in a very long time... I only want to be with him... But god knows where he is... And I'm sitting here, and I don't know how much longer I can hold back my tears. I haven't allowed myself to cry in such a long time, but what other option do I have? I'll spend all night thinking about him and when he told me that he wanted me. It seems that that is no longer applicable when my appearance has finally reached out to him. So I'll continue on tonight, waiting for some sing of life to come to my direction... And I'll jump with each sound of opening doors, just to further dissapoint myself... When you come on, I'll be here...

What the hell is this shit
Whos hand is this
Where did the skin come from
Why is it connected to me

Blind, the walls, stare

Floating, lost, dead

My body...

It isnt mine
No feeling
Voices, Voices.. no im not making them up
I see the people, the people talking
I can see everything
And hear, I can hear the laughing
No feeling...Im moving... im walking
blindly... i cant fucking feel myself moving

Well, considering that it's happening right now, i felt it was most appropriate to write about it. So this guys tells me that he wants to do stuff with me, and I'm all for that considering im not generally persued. Well, right now, one of my best friends, Kelly, is practically fucking him. So in response to this im just going to pretend like nothing is going on. Because honestly, I'm really pretty fucking sick of being the transportation for people, and being in the room while they are fucking and I have to pretend like it isnt happening.

My Oasis site is finally back up and running!!! Yay! *sings praises to Adrian*
Now comes the less fun part of typing everything back up *grumble, grumble* Ah well, my fault for not saving it all on disc and stuff I guess

I worked for a big company.But the treated me like rubbish!Do you wna know wot they did to me while i was there?They took my mobile off me.No one else had this problem.It was jst me!A clue to the name of the company: another word for small and we cut down trees for it. Can you guess?My advice: NEVER WORK THERE!!!!!!

.

Ok, so I had my bitch session and now I'm done.

I put a rainbow button on my backpack today. I had to force myself to do it. I was tired, I have mono, I wanted to cry. But I didn't. I wore it and I'm happy.

I feel so inspired now and there's so much that I want to say, but it's 2 am, and, like I said, I have mono. Damn mono.

I will write more later. I'll make myself.

With All the Love and Sexual Frustration in the World,

I'm so pissed at myself. I wrote a wonderful entry... and I musta forgotten to submit it because it's no longer here!

GODDAMNIT! ARG I'm so frustrated! It takes so much energy for me to focus myself and write down the details (my mind goes faster than my fingers and I lack a good amount of patience) that I don't wanna rewrite it! Damnit.

Grrrr...

A shocking truth to eTgen, that no one ever knew. Not even himself! It wasn't untill he got a letter form - that he knew he was a -. gay? Preacher? Daughter? Computer? Yogi Bear?

Read and find out in...

the shocking truth of etgen and censored