More time has been spent with yk again. The school staff member who always made me leave his lunch has finally been pushed by my persistence to the point where he no longer cares and is letting me hang out at the class I'm supposed to be at during my lunch period instead; this is a double win for me, because I also didn't have anything to do that period. With the seniors gone, my entire lunch table is empty and I had nothing to do that period but wander the school and its surrounding area, which gets incredibly boring.
and god looked upon the world as it was and said 'more light'
'more light for those who cannot see past their own noses'
'more light for those who have aught but the dark'
'more light for those who are afraid'
'more light for those who are ignorant'
and god looked upon the world as it could be and saw that it was good
and god saw the people who could not look beyond themselves
and god saw those who had aught but the dark
and god saw those who were afraid
and god saw those who were ignorant
and god flayed their flesh from their bones and their bones into dust were burned
Sometimes I get this feeling of dread. It usually creeps up on me when I'm alone or bored, when everyone's out and I have all my coursework done. When it comes, I don't feel like doing anything. I can't make myself watch YouTube videos or read Cosmos or text people or anything. I just cycle through my tabs mindlessly, not even really processing anything I'm looking at. It passes after awhile, but it comes back every few days or so.
I dread that Mickala will leave me, that things just won't work out between us and I'll be left alone.
Searching for somewhere new to live is torture. That is all. Being a grown up sucks! (Sometimes)
I've been listening to new music for the whole weekend so far, and ended up listening to over 20 new albums so far in the last two to three days. And in the process, I finally listened to 69 Love Songs by The Magnetic Fields and it gave me some magnetic feels. If you want to feel like shit, listen to this:
What do I do
It seems like even when I'm in a good mood relative to usual, I'm still in a pretty bad mood. Even good emotions have some unhappy undertone, and I just feel kind of shitty even when I don't care about anything. It isn't even about anything in particular right now, I'm just not a happy person for some reason. Today was the last day of school for seniors, so about half my friends are gone now, and the rest of the school year will be really fucking boring.
A few days ago I had to turn in some papers for my college stuff and I was really annoyed by that. Walking back home I noticed a huge caterpillar on a fence and proceeded to put it on my briefcase and take it home to see if I could take care of it.
I put this on facebook, but was actually pretty impressed with it. So here goes:
"When I was a younger kid than I am now, I always wondered why adults seemed content to walk all over the place. I wanted to run. Running was faster. Why not?
But then again, as a kid, there was a lot I didn't understand. There always seemed to be those secrets kept from me: drinking, sex, all those phrases and words I couldn't understand. Adults always seemed to be keeping almost everything from me. They were, and much of it for good reasons.
i'm in a pretty bad mood today, and also pretty bored waiting for my sister to take me to the music store (to get a thumb pick and a new tuner), a combination which has led to me being here and writing a new journal.
This article will likely prove quite inspirational for many Oasies™
I am going on a holiday for 2 months! I look forward to come back tan, fat with many experiences of hooking up with foreign attractive men!
I'm ready to go home for the summer now. I wanna see my mom and my sister and my dad and my soon-to-be stepdad and my cats. I wanna see my mom get married to someone who values her and treats her with respect and kindness. I'm ready to live in a new dorm and start my social life over again and meet new people whom I actually feel really close to. And I'm ready to start throwing myself into some really hard schoolwork.
Yesterday was pretty fun, I still had to unload some old video game equipment so I decided to head over to the Northside of the city to sell. The day was pretty good, saw a few people wearing light jackets in the 70-80° F weather. The day before had been cool, but jeez that Thursday was warming fast...
I met up with Bosemaster a couple weeks ago. I would've posted earlier, but I've been busy with finals. I've never met anyone from the internet before, but it's always been an item on my bucket list, so that was pretty cool! We went to the magic Starbucks where I became friends with Cute Blonde Girl and talked for a while. As we were leaving, the hot Norwegian chick walked in. I had to, of course, point out this fact. I whispered, but I still hope she didn't hear me, haha. (But I mean, she's gotta know I drooled over her constantly in class. I feel like it's painfully obvious!) My friend I mentioned in the last journal, the guy who kept me company while I was waiting for my housing appointment, also made an appearance, so Bosemaster got to see all kinds of characters from my posts! (Sadly no Cute Blonde Girl, though.)
So, yeah, the school year is over. My freshman year of college is over. Holy shit. It seems like I spent longer waiting for it than it did for it to actually go by... but I feel like I've aged a hundred years in just that one year. That was hands down the absolute hardest year of my life up to this point. The second semester damage control was probably the hardest, most mentally-exhausting thing I've ever done, full stop.