I put this on facebook, but was actually pretty impressed with it. So here goes:
"When I was a younger kid than I am now, I always wondered why adults seemed content to walk all over the place. I wanted to run. Running was faster. Why not?
But then again, as a kid, there was a lot I didn't understand. There always seemed to be those secrets kept from me: drinking, sex, all those phrases and words I couldn't understand. Adults always seemed to be keeping almost everything from me. They were, and much of it for good reasons.
i'm in a pretty bad mood today, and also pretty bored waiting for my sister to take me to the music store (to get a thumb pick and a new tuner), a combination which has led to me being here and writing a new journal.
This article will likely prove quite inspirational for many Oasies™
I am going on a holiday for 2 months! I look forward to come back tan, fat with many experiences of hooking up with foreign attractive men!
I'm ready to go home for the summer now. I wanna see my mom and my sister and my dad and my soon-to-be stepdad and my cats. I wanna see my mom get married to someone who values her and treats her with respect and kindness. I'm ready to live in a new dorm and start my social life over again and meet new people whom I actually feel really close to. And I'm ready to start throwing myself into some really hard schoolwork.
Yesterday was pretty fun, I still had to unload some old video game equipment so I decided to head over to the Northside of the city to sell. The day was pretty good, saw a few people wearing light jackets in the 70-80° F weather. The day before had been cool, but jeez that Thursday was warming fast...
I met up with Bosemaster a couple weeks ago. I would've posted earlier, but I've been busy with finals. I've never met anyone from the internet before, but it's always been an item on my bucket list, so that was pretty cool! We went to the magic Starbucks where I became friends with Cute Blonde Girl and talked for a while. As we were leaving, the hot Norwegian chick walked in. I had to, of course, point out this fact. I whispered, but I still hope she didn't hear me, haha. (But I mean, she's gotta know I drooled over her constantly in class. I feel like it's painfully obvious!) My friend I mentioned in the last journal, the guy who kept me company while I was waiting for my housing appointment, also made an appearance, so Bosemaster got to see all kinds of characters from my posts! (Sadly no Cute Blonde Girl, though.)
So, yeah, the school year is over. My freshman year of college is over. Holy shit. It seems like I spent longer waiting for it than it did for it to actually go by... but I feel like I've aged a hundred years in just that one year. That was hands down the absolute hardest year of my life up to this point. The second semester damage control was probably the hardest, most mentally-exhausting thing I've ever done, full stop.
Last Tuesday in debate were held a classroom debate on whether or not the subject matter of the speech I gave at the tournament was appropriate or not?
Most of my classmates sided with me, but a few took the other side as I had expected they would.
This is my speech:
"As kids, we are often reminded of how we are the future. The actions we take, the decisions we make, and the lifestyles we choose can impact our futures. As a member of that uncertain future, I feel a need to ask the tough, and when necessary, the uncomfortable questions.
This school year I've come to equally anticipate and dread the Monday after a debate tournament mainly because we spend the class going over the judge's scoring sheets, with our teacher interpreting the results to us.
After giving my speech about gay athlete's I really didn't know what to expect, even though I knew my score had to somewhat low. Could I have been in fourth place, missing third by a point or two? Or did I just suck?
I didn't really feel like writing about this at first, but it's a personal journal and it belongs to me, so why not? Nobody's going to find it unless they want to. even then they probably won't find it.
I haven't written on here in five weeks, it really seems like it's been five years.
My life's been weird lately, but it now seems like things are more stable.
For spring break dad, Carter and I went down to Florida to do some work on a friend's vacation house in exchange for staying there for free, and dad let me bring along a friend because my brother Hayden was going to be at Scout camp for most of spring break. Naturally I chose my boyfriend Luke.
i am just a body to you
A bed so far from home, I stare at translucent blinds watching cars go by as your fingers shuffle hungrily under the elastic lining of my fuzzy pajama pants. Your voice is ragged as you say ‘you’re beautiful, you’re beautiful’ and rub your tear stained face and lips on my goosebumped neck, savoring me. I feel your sobs, you remind me that it’s been six years- you’ve waited, you’ve waited so long. You, you, you. I look out the window and wonder how my miracle could go so wrong. I prayed to be in another bed with another set of hungry hands.
I've had lots of friends sleep over at my place, but mostly it's been my best friend and neighbor Tommy, and when he stays the night it's more of us being goofy together than sleeping.
Having my first boyfriend spend the night? Wow, I was so nervous.
Colin came over around 8 last Saturday night and I introduced him to my mother, who asked him a lot of questions. Actually, it was weird because my parents never really do that when I have a friend over, but this time she did.
It's a song I guess. I mean, the moments. The moments are like a song. The mind is like a wave? The song isn't ending. I'm not sure how to say that the world isn't ending, when it sometimes feels like it is. The world isn't what it used to be, is it? The song doesn't end, but the words do. The universe is the song, and the words are our lives, I suppose. I'm not really sure. Isn't it odd to think that maybe we aren't going to live forever? I'm not sure what to do with the knowledge that I'm not immortal. I want to be immortal. I'm so afraid of dying. It's like shooting a whale. Dying, I mean.
So we're supposed to be finally going on that walk on Sunday if everything goes right. I might be making some tunes with someone on Saturday if everything goes right. For some reason both Kiwi and his girlfriend were not at school yesterday, I don't know what was up with that. Probably some sort of testing. I meant to ask, but didn't have enough time. Just enough to settle the weekend plan and discuss a couple of other quick things.