You know those nights where you're so exhausted from being stretched too thin since you first woke up two and a half weeks ago, but you just can't let yourself drift off to sleep because you know the rest won't be satisfying and you for some ungodly reason miss all too much when the nights dragged on forever as you tried desperately to maneuver your way out of a ballast sealed cocoon woven from the fibers of every highly exaggerated and raw emotion your developing, angry, anxious, confused, isolated teenage mind slashed out for you to obsess over daily?
This time I want to write about my best friend Tanner, our friendship, and the secrets I keep from him.
I've known Tanner my whole life, and he's just a few weeks older than me, and our families have a even longer history spanning several generations. We've always done stuff together: Scouts, sports, and even sex. I'll write about that later in this journal.
Coat your precious surfaces in soft and special patchworks
Burn the flaws from your neatly tailored strings
When the patrons are absent you will be the unseen expert
Asking no reception from those adjacent
Concealing the ultimate quality
The blessed borders
Which decant their holy manna to only
The warm and woven druid
The lost adherent
The man must have seen that I was having fun in PE, moving around and talking to you-know-who. So he decided to move me to the opposite end of the school from him and make me sit the whole period in a fucking boring, pointless class that only does the opposite of what it supposedly exists to do. How fun.
Here's a little resume of my boring life.
I could say summer was kinda good, but mostly boring; I didn't go out, mostly went to bed at 6am and my parents woke me up at 12 so I wouldn't "waste" my day. I had to visit my grandma, stayed with her for a week, my brother came and it was awesome, Christmas sucked, the only gifts I got were from my siblings, cousins got me drunk on New Year's Eve and it was nice (specially in the morning when I woke up without a hangover) and that was mostly all I did.
the empty abyss
crushing the skulls of its ancestors
the DEAD remnants
the only memories
destroying the past
severing pieces of its flesh
so it can continue
the MINOTAUR of the infinite
at the bones of TIME
its madness fueled
as the walls of this DEATH CHAMBER
this birth tomb
are cut down
offers no understanding
the dead march cannot be severed from existence
time has lost meaning
the indestructible abomination
the golem of pain
I walked into the Theatre and Arts building yesterday, and I noticed the scent of the carpetting, clean and anti-septic. I knew what the scent would do to me, memories of last year came flooding back in their entirety almost. I looked up at the balcony, I guess you could call it, I miss seeing you there and I miss being there with you.
School is closed tomorrow, too, for fucking nothing. The universe saw that this weekend was at a time that made me really unhappy, and that it was dragging by slowly, so it just had to take to opportunity and turn the four-day weekend into a six-day weekend, at least. I really hope Bratwurst Day is open, because I can't take this any more.
I've been looking up Break-Up cycles on the web, and whilst they all seem fair enough they don't exactly seem to be true. And theres not alot of information out there for the dumper. Everything seems to be for the dumpee. Now I know it would probably be foolish to assume every heart break is the same, because it is not, but still I'd like some sort of ball park figure as to what I am about to go through?
Soooo for all you dumpers out there what was it like? Did you feel pain straight away? Or if you didn't when did it start to kick in? Did you try and get them back after a while?
In the spring of 2012 we remodeled our small two bedroom house and finished the basement, turning it into a third bedroom with a full bath. By brother Hayden and I had outgrown our twin beds and there was no way two full size ones would have fit in that room. It was our Spring Break project, and a flip of a coin decided who would get the basement.
With more privacy, I was able to spent more time online researching gay stuff. I needed answers to some tough questions:
Why was I attracted to boys and not girls?
Why was I attracted to a girl that LOOKED like a boy?
My name is abigail and i am infact gay. Its not like anyone is going to change me! i have a wonderful girlfriend named Emily and we have been dating for a month and a half and its been the best for me.
If you want to talk about anything please message me and feel free to. I will get back to you ASAP since i have two twitters, and two different wattpads, so it would be hard to check up on this as much is i do my other accounts.
I again want to thank everyone for their great comments, and I appreciate this site more each time I come here. I wish I didn't have to sneak on here to write stuff, but that how it has to be for now.
I want to write about some things that happened to me a few years ago that I think opened my mind up me to becoming gay, or at least cracked the door open a tiny bit.
I have this one really hot professor. It's great. She's like in her early 30s, and her lectures so far are actually entertaining, and I am soooo excited about this one paper topic you can choose in April. Also, she wants to get to know everyone in the (huge) class on a first-name basis. In fact, she's so hot that I actually even sit in the front, and I'm considering going to her office hours next week and saying hi just for the hell of it. Everyone should get to have a hot professor.
Anyway, I really gotta learn how to shut up. While on break, I dared to complain to myself that I didn't like being on the other side of the country from Cute Blonde Girl, and the universe apparently heard me, so instead it decided why not the other side of the world? Yeah, she mentioned this week how she's thinking about maybe going abroad next semester... It's just a "maybe" at this point, since you have to apply for it and the applications aren't even due for like 2 more months, but still. I mean, I want her to get to go if she really wants to because I'm sure she'll have so much fun. But I can't help but kind of hope she decides on her own that she doesn't want to after all. I'm not gonna tell her that, though; I want her to do whatever makes her happiest. I don't want her to feel bad just because I'm a dumb little slave to my emotions.
I went to DC with my family to the 9:30 Club and saw Godspeed You! Black Emperor play a show. Afterwards, I heard of another one being played up north, at some large, fictional city beginning with an A (located a bit north of where Baltimore is in real life). I left my family in secret and began a voyage on foot to the next show.