yeah, I know I'm horrid about updating but my comp got thrown down the stairs and then the guy who threw it went into a diabetic coma and died two days later.... as you can tell, my life is just one big mess of Charlie-Foxtrot-ted-ness right now.... since I've last posted, I've....
~gotten a job
~had far too many cups of tea in 7 days than is healthy for anyone but an English dowager
~had my computer thrown down 3 sets of stairs, thus making the screen crack'd from side to side
~had a haircut that made me look like ringo starr
~was in a band for two weeks
He once told me, in a voice full of hatred and contempt, that there was nobody to love. Tonight he paraphrased the sentiment with the same fluency.
I acknowledged it with the brevity of a nod. The world had never been about the well-intentioned and their eventual triumph over adversity. All in all, I had found it unforgiving only to be interrupted by intermittent kernels of kindness. What I had to say would have been an assault on his conscience and that of decent peoples. We both knew that I was the boy that had proved him wrong.
Again, fixated on the pendulous hummingbird. Oscillating, revolving, returning, but only when it is forgotten. The pulse is strongest after its decay. It fades only to reveal itself once more. It is the rain shower that feeds the waterfalls. Attacks resonate throughout the empty universe.
I just want someone to talk to.
But the article says he's currently in a gay relationship!
Anyway... here's the link:
Here I am on my returnal to familiar ports, a prisoner. New leadership has taken its reign now, another autocrat. I wonder how I'll get out of it this time. I guess I've found myself once more in the right and wrong place. What a find.
My dreams follow me where I go. They've taken a terrifyingly inspiring trail, of jealousy, disgust, and unmitigated horror, and I fear the underlying masochism.
Please help me. I'm trapped.
(For non-atheists, insert whatever applies to your beliefs wherever you see a religious noun.)
Dear Angry Atheists:
I'm getting real tired of your shit.
You make the rest of us look bad with your constant ranting about how religion is 'the root of all evil' and your constant warmongering between groups that could actually get along just fine if it weren't for people like YOU. On BOTH sides. Because you're no different than the fundamentalists who call atheists or others of differing beliefs 'heretics' and 'evil'. They say atheism causes moral corruption, you endorse the inverse.
I haven't been on here in months, but I decided that today was a good day to return.
On the day before people around our country go off the deep end with Black Friday sales specials-I- and the rest of my family-are thankful to just be alive. We are almost completely recovered from our injuries from the car accident earlier this summer, but now I'm almost two inches shorter from my spine compressing for some reason, and I still have a slight limp in the foot that was shattered, but I can walk. The pain's gone too, along with the need for painkillers.
There are too many things to learn in this world.
Wanted to journal but once again not on my computer so will keep this brief.
The world is full of well intentioned selfish people who will care about you as long as you care. You drown if you care too much.
I am preoccupied with money. I see worth in monetary terms, at least when it comes to employment. Unfortunate side effect of being a demanding conservative overbearing parent's son. Regrettable.
On Friday, one of my professors told me I had a nice speaking voice. I was honestly really, really shocked since I've always been incredibly self-conscious of my voice. There's some quality to it I don't really like that I can't quite place. It's not what I'd think of when I think of an "annoying" voice, but there's just something about it. (I've found that it's not nearly as bad as it could be, though. I've met a few girls with really shrill, screechy voices, and I'm glad I don't have that! I'm also glad that I have no traceable accent; no one has ever guessed where I used to live, and I've had more than a few people be totally surprised upon finding out.) But yeah, he said that it was calming and that it will serve me well. Definitely an unexpected compliment.
The human species was being threatened by a new disease that was being transmitted through liquid contact with animals. This disease slowly caused the blood to become stagnant and pressure in the bloodstream to rise, making veins bulge and skin pale before death.
I'm heading home for winter break in about an hour. I'm dropping off my friends at the train station, then making the two-hour drive back home. It'll be nice to be home again. I'll have a week to relax, then I'll start working at my old job all through December. I need money. I've been a little excessive with my spending these past three months, and my checking account has suffered. At least I've learned my lesson.
Beautiful things are good, ugly things are not. I know this. This is my creed.
The problem with this is that I am so terrifically ugly, within and without.
Liar, sadist, abuser, freak. Other names that I don't dare speak for fear of who might see.
Worthless. Cannot create anything beautiful. Never will.
Ugly is wrong. By its very nature, ugliness is intrinsically bad. I am so terribly ugly.
I should not exist.
The vestige now but once built in a time that was prosperous. We still see many old houses that lay around, the ones unihabited seemingly depressed. Say for example the house that's en route to my college. It sits, boarded up, decrepit and sags on a failing foundation nearly a century old, yet it remains.
Have you ever wondered what life would be like without us? The ones that are LGBTQ, the ones that stand out,the ones that people pick on,on a daily basis. Ya you have, WE ALL HAVE! Without us the LGBTQ groups we wouldn't even be abke to be ourselves. we would have to stay inside not near anyone and stay in "the closet" as they call out. IF YOUR OUT AND PROUD SAY IT DON'T HIDE IT!
My partner told me to post a thing here. It's been a while and I've been lurking, so here's a speech I did.
Last year at this event, I read a speech about names. Trans* spoken word poet Miles Walser writes in a poem called Nebraska about the murder of Brandon Teena that “They don’t remember our names until they read them on our tombstones.