It's been a long time since I was last here. New Year's Day kind of made me realize that I'm probably will NEVER meet anyone and will die alone. I'm serious. Everytime I meet a guy, he's either straight, taken, or both and those that are single talk to me for about two weeks and the suddenly stop corresponding with me without even telling me why! I just can't meet anyone that I am get so desperate that I'll take just about ANY guy willing to talk to me. I just feel so pathetic. I haven't even gone on a date in my entire LIFE! Maybe I'm just unwantable....
How can you know my future when I don't even know it myself? Yet you stand up there and tell me what I will do. I know it's just a word - I should be able to deal with it, mentally substitute if for when. But when you've just told me I've failed and I must work for every second towards a goal that is not my own, I don't feel particularly strong. Certainly not strong enough to hold back the tides of my stomach pouring forth through the dam door - the door your words opened.
I found this site in a search for info on GSMs. I'm queer but also questioning and therefor have a lot of thoughts, and needed some moral support. So here I am.
I have a boring life. I'm lonely. I came out to my (only) friend on Sunday. I didn't want to actually directly let her know, so I played a game. I gave her a few hints and let her guess. She got it right on the first try. I told her that she could tell her boyfriend. By the way, she isn't heterosexual. I found out that she's pansexual. Night is when I think the most and day is when I'm tired and don't really have any thoughts. Last night, I was incredibly happy and proud about being gay and not being the only one who knows it.
I suppose I should introduce myself. :)
My name is Ailsa (pronounced El-sa), I am 15, I'm Canadian eh? I'm an artist by nature and in talent, and I'm an actress. I'm crazy, hyper, creative, confident, nerdy, smart (If you don't judge me by my spelling skills, that is), shameless and proud.
I KEEP on clicking the Buy It Now button on everything I like and can't seem to stop. Please help me! I'm on a budget and this isn't good considering I've clicked on it to pay for 6 things plus three auctions ending soon! I tried buying one item once and month and keep getting carried away!
A lot has happened since I last came here. I moved into my own apartment and met several guys. There is one I met I think will turn into a serious relationship but he hasn't called me back for a month since he was in the hospital. I hope he calls me soon!
Hello everyone on here.
This is my first journal entry, as you can possibly tell.
Somehow, I don't feel awkward at all.
Probably because I don't feel so alone anymore,
I don't feel depressed anymore,
I feel like people can actually understand me now.
I don't feel like a freak.
People have called me a freak before.
Only because I dressed like a ninja on the last day of 7th grade.
I don't see anything wrong with it, it was just a one time thing.
I wonder what would happen if they knew I was a lesbian.
My classmates use "gay" and "lesbian" as insults.
Hey everyone, I'm back for a bit. I just returned to New Zealand after being with my parents in Taiwan. I apologise for not being very active these few weeks. Things have been a bit hectic and demanding over there... a lot has happened - some of them ongoing, some of them new or have taken new forms in my life... Either way I'm glad to see a lot of old and new faces on here. I want to welcome the new members... I hope you all enjoy your stay.
Something terrible happened this past week, I lost my journal....
Ok so has anyone ever taken the time, when there is some, to just think? I get like that a lot, and I must confess that sometimes it’s about the most complete unnecessary things. But that’s besides the point right now. What I’m simply trying to ask is if in that down time, when you’re supposedly thinking about it all, do you ever think that life is one big pattern?
Being an out gay Asian at school for almost two years... I think I've had it a lot easier than other GLBT people. I go to a Christian school, but I don't get shit. I'm good friends with many around the school, girls and guys. Some used to give me shit two years back but we even ended up being mates. Interesting...
Oh man, the realisation of getting backstabbed by a closetted but homophobic gay friend really feels amazing! Especially after I helped him so much!
Aha, aha. Life never ceases to amuse me. I'm listening to Hilary Duff.
School mock exams are finally finished!
I did alright in English. Not as well in Science. I'm happy with maths. History was good. Japanese pretty good... and well eco I screwed it up I didn't finish. I'm probably going to fail my Eco paper.
There goes my honours prize this year.
But still, exams are finished!
Is there a way to edit journal entries? Or even delete them?
And can you delete accounts?
I wrote this as a birthday present for my mom, well part of it(the present, not the poem >.<) her birthday is on Valentines day.
It is very different than other things I've written...
Deep in Contemplation
Of what lies ahead.
my own hypocrisy is ending.
this sounds really stupid, but i don't care. i was doing some myspace survey and it asked me what i had on my desktop. (it's a sexy picture of kate beckinsale from underworld....mmmmm....) and usually i wouldn't have said that, because i'm too afraid of exposing myself. i had a bad experience with too much exposure last year....
but i realized something. i fight for gay visibility and gay rights all day, but i don't apply them to myself for fear of losing my friends.