A flashback in sorts
The Mood is we've been driving around all night
with some friends. Doing nothing, smoking it up
in the car because everyone's parents are home
because it's a weeknight. So i'm all warm and happy
and lightly toasted but i'm starting to get a little
anxious, because its getting late, and I have
to be home soon or else i'll get in trouble because
there is school tomorrow of course she doesn't have school unless at
OK, well, despite that I'm not even 100% sure that I'm gay yet (I'd say about 97-98% sure), it's really getting my down that I have to keep so much from my paremts, namely my Mum. We've always been very close, and I hate that I have to keep this from her.
Reasons to tell her are that I think that she'd be OK with it, and it would
mean that I could finally admit to someone how I felt. That would make me
Sorry to everyone for the entry that I posted yesterday. I don't know what I was thinking. Feel free to IM me and yell at me for that one. I feel horrible for what I did.
i just had tea with a really awsome person, the first person i came out to, last
april. she was never one of my teachers (alas) but i really trust her. she
told me that her family totally kicked her out. i didn't get a chance to say
anything to her, but if your out there, ms. salim, i want you to know that
today, and forever, you are my hero. thanks for trusting me.
this is really random, but...
There was a gay pride march in Jerulalum (YEH!!) about a year ago. a rabbi there
was interviewd by the New York Times. He was reported to have said the following
quote: "Gays and lesbians are less than human, and will be reincarnated as rabbits."
I don't know, i kind of like rabbits...:)
Yes, I know I'm posting a lot of journal entries lately... Quite out of character for me. I see it as a good thing. Maybe I'm "getting somewhere," finally?
I'm classifying this entry as "other," because I'm not sure what it is. It's not some of my best writing. It wanders and weaves, but I still want to get it out.
I'm writing an essay for one of my Education courses, "The Adolescent and the Teacher". The topic I chose is "at-risk" youth. Specifically, I'm going to examine how sexual-minority youth can be seen as at-risk youth. My course director has already talked a bit about that, but I'm going to write a long, 8-10 page research essay on it.
what's with all the people liking Buffy all of a sudden? am a missing
something here? i've seen it a few times, and i have to admit tath she's
pretty cute, but...
As The Rush Comes
by Black Rebel Motorcycle Club
Travellin' somewhere, could be anywhere
Theres a coldness in the air, but I don't care.....
We drift deeper, life goes on
We drift deeper, into the sound
Travellin' somewhere, could be anywhere
Theres a coldness in the air, but I don't care
We drift deeper, into the sound, life goes on,
We drift deeper into the sound, feeling strong
Yeah, this isn't really a full journal entry. This is just a "milestone" for me, so I'm recording it in my journal.
I started last week, and I've gotten a bit of mail from local guys my age. I really hope this goes somewhere...
I'm going to send some mail now (and, yes, buy some of their credits. Oh, well. I'd have to spend money anywhere... the bar, the movie, whatever.)
Here goes nothing!
A great cheesy song...i highly recommend if you like techno driven trance beats! this is me being random... :)
This Is Goodbye
by Lucy Carr
This is goodbye
and I know that this is goodbye
lovers come and lovers go
love is lost before you know
don't think of me alone tonight
on my own gonna be alright
don't stay up late wondering
what has gone or could have been
trying hard to forget the past I always knew that it wouldnt last
President George W. Bush is trying to teach public school children that same sex marriage is wrong. I myself am a bisexual and I believe a child should make up their own mind about their sexual orientation. NOT the government! As I write this, the Texas Board of Education has persuaded the Glencoe/McGraw-Hill and Holt Rinehart & Winston text book publishers to change phases in their books, such as, "married partners" to "husband and wife.". If you are like me, and support gay rights, then I would hope you see my point and will join me in this protest. If Texas has changed their books then it could happen anywhere! Please join this movement to let children decide. Below is a copy of the article.
I've read a couple of articles on CommonDreams.org that indicate that he may well have done just that. One is an article by Greg Palast showing that the numbers indicate a Kerry victory, while the other is a piece by Thom Hartmann alleging that the computers used to count the votes may have been compromised.
Greg Palast's article: http://www.commondreams.org/views04/1104-36.htm
I can't for the life of me figure out how to uplaod pictures!!! RawR! Please, for the love of all that is good and evil in the world, someone tell me how!! Specifically how!! I want details! *crys hopelessly* This is so looserly of me! But I really need the help! Please and Thank you!! *^^*
After the election, my first thought was Canada. Besides the fact that Bush is back in office, but the fact that all 11 amendments passed, including my states, which was the worse. Before this, my dream was to go to OSU, find the love of my life, open a cafe in Columbus, get a dog, and be happy. But, this isn't going to work. So, I thought, why not Canada? Quebec City is beautiful, as is Montreal.
Okay, I'm pissed off. No, this is not an anti-Bush rant, though I could very well go off on one. But I'm not going to. Yes, I would have voted for John Kerry if I had been six months older. Yes, I wish he had won. No, I don't think he was cheated out of the election; George Bush won it fairly and squarely this time, with 51% of the popular vote to back up his electoral college win.
No, what I'm going to write about is not who I like or who I think should have won or why I liked Kerry over Bush. What I'm going to type about today is something called reactionary behavior, something that the United States of America has ALL TOO MUCH OF, on EVERY SIDE of EVERY ARGUMENT.
It happened, and we're all affected by it. Four more years...
While I see everyone posting here venting rage, I'm taking another route. I'm looking at us as a community, and searching for that hope that we still have. Looking through this site, I've seen support, help, and friendship. Not just because we have a common factor involved, but because we look for it, and in turn see that we are not alone. This election gave a blow to the GBL community, but we are not the only ones either. We may be momentarily weakened, angry, hurt, but we are strong.
I saw something on tv flipping through the channels late at night, where they were discussing the Gay and Lesbian marriage, and what was to come in the future. They said it was playing a large part in the election, and it sounded as though many of the younger generation were fighting for equal status.
Do you know what I think, when I hear that?
kind of late, but i decided that i wanna make a list of characters that appear in my life, using nicknames because i'm a dork, but here goes.
Right now all is lost. I know only pain and fear. The ceaseless struggle with myself to accept what I know is true. Everything is spinning, spinning rapidly out of my control, I try in vain to scream but no one is listening. Maybe if I simply ran away, maybe then somebody would regret what they have said. Maybe nobody would even notice. For the moment there is only me. For the moment there is only pain.
I know im not the only one who has said that line to themself now and then. But what else can i do, i can only stand here and comfort you...ive pretty much done everything i can. and yet im still in a lose & lose situation. Everytime i tell myself your not going to call back and you never do thats when i tell myself thats it im done. But im so hard headed !#@$@#$% My heart is not doing what my mind is telling it to do. Everytime i hear your voice it only gets my hopes up and i know i have to stop doing that. I keep telling myself that everytime i think of you and yet when the time comes. When im done brushing my teeth and washing my face and hop i in bed ...im still waiting for that phone call. I know it's never going to happen and im probably going to fall asleep before i hear that special lil ring tone i put up just for you. The alarm rings and i check my phone since the time is showing i know i have no missed calls. And thats when i start thinkin...what if it never really was.
Why are we attracted to who we're attracted to?
This is a question that has been sitting in my mind the past few weeks...well, probably more like the past 6 months or so. I don't have the answer to it, and I don't think I ever will, but the reason why it's been on my mind is that I've found a new source of guilt. Perhaps this is an unconscious way to make up for my new lack-of-guilt over the fact that I'm a lesbian. Anyway, here's the reason behind my newfound guilt:
I'm not really attracted to "girly" girls.