Yay! I'm going to see the concert with the friend I've been in-love with forever, but lately, I've been trying to just keep my thoughts towards her as casual and friendly. She got us tickets for my b-day and it's gonna be so awesome! I just know that we'll have a great time. Anyway, I met this young woman that works in a sports bar that my friends and i go to, to play pool. She's so beautiful, anyway, the funny thing is that she looks like a teacher I had my senior year and i had the hugest crush on the teacher she looks like. She even acts like her....so for a while i thought it was her and i was scared to talk to her, since i told my teacher how i felt after graduation. Well, then i bumped into her at another place i like to play pool at near home (with my sis) and she was there. I worked up enough courage to come up to her and talk, then i realized she wasn't my teacher (she's gorgeous though!) and we laugh about it now.
I hate complaining but all the goddamn plans i had for today just got flushed down the drain and i ended up crying instead. Sounds like fun huh? Anywho, it turns out my mom didnt feel like taking me to see the fireworks and so i asked ppl but none of them could and i ended up asking jack too. Well, he said would see what he could do but his folks dont want him bringing more than 1 person (and he already told someone they could go).
heres the thing. im 6'2 and wiegh about 165. im very in shape and you can tell if you look at me. im not bad looking at least i think so. and im not trying to be vain even though even to me thats how it sounds. im having the worst promblem trying to find someone who wants to date me instead of just have sex with me. dont get me wrong. sex is good but i want something more than someone wanting me for that one particular reason.
there was a point when my life was all about sex, maryjane, alcohol, and music.
it was an extremely potent combination but it gave me the fix i needed- that blurry, hazy, i-can-barely-stand feeling really gave me what i thought i wanted.
i always figured i needed a break from reality and these 4 elements took me 'there' to that special place-
the land of hakuna matata ( no worries)
i was trippin on orgasm after orgasm, pleasure after pleasure- killing myself slowly...softly ( of course)
well..i see a lot of people on here whine about being anti-social an dnot having friends and how sad that is. Well, Dawsons Creek lied. Life isnt one big party or a group of seven friends who always hang out together and do cool stuff. life can be..dull. Its just the way it is. Personally, Im antisocial. its saturday night, 9:30 pm and im home alone because I want to. No biggie. i read slash, have a myspace and watch too much Smallville for my won good (as many of us do).
Today seemed fun well i guess thats looking at it optimistically
Ben and I just hung out. we got manecures!! hehe it was fun.
Afterwards we went bowling with Chelsey and her adorable bf
I had to be home by nine, well i didnt stroll in till round
11. which is not that bad if you think of it...
I had a blow out on the highway on the way home..
God it sucks having to change a tire when its pouring outside.
It sounds such a fucking stupid thing to get bothered by. So stupid and superficial I'll agree. It's just that every year, without fail, I've remembered my friend's birthday's and bought them presents- no matter how much I had to save or go without something I wanted. I always got them something, and I did it on time.
So this is the final straw really, the fact that they have decided that I don't get a present because THEY want something, but of course- they're sorry so it's all OK right? Well yeah, under normal circumstances I'd say it's a problem that can happen to anyone. Hell I'm skint half of the time, so I can't exactly start moaning because I don't get a prezzie right?
ah this is madness
i'm going crazy-
fuc it there's just so much going on
i need to press pause.... for a second.
thre's so much pressure coming in from all corners, shit.
pressure to perform- presssure to conform.
i cant get a moment to myself.
my phone keeps ringing.
my cousin keeps calling me up and complaining about a girl who doesnt love him - beggin me to make it work, to make her love him- but fuck it i cant- i love my cousin soo much- but i cant move mountains- and i sure as hell cant change a girl's heart for him. if i could i would but he keeps stressing me... whining.
...wow so tell me why is it that "straiqht" kids qet this idea that "lesbians" brinq drama? a few weeks aqo durinq lunch a qirl there *who just so happened to be qay* went up to another -qay- qirl and started cursinq her out
aright, well today i went to school, and i swear every teacher except for my german and science teachers were out to get me. i flipped out on every teacher today. but i was talking to my german teacher about moving and she was so upset. because me and her are really close. closer than teacher and student should be. like we talk like we are bestfriends. and she wants to hang out and go to boston this summer with me and shit. so i was telling her that im moving in with my mom this summer and that im not comming back for next year , and she like broke down and bawled. i was like omg im so sorry. and shes like well maybe you can still come to Germany with us next year shes like i want you to come indeffinately. she was like you are so fun to be around. i was like aw thank you so much.
MJ is innocent to the jury but not to me I think he did it and it piss me off to see him get away with it. Just because he has money he is innocent i bet you all 12 jury are all on MJ pay role until they die. I hate the fact that OJ got way with muder all because he has money. Well if we all had money like that than every one will just have to buy there innocents which is bullshit GRRRRRRR what do
Just came back from a group photo session thingie. God, i just can't get over how pretty Amber Benson is. She's just so pretty. And cute. She was sitting indian style.
heheh i can't stop smiling.
all of the sudden i miss albert. i don't why. i just miss him.
i was spinning in my chair being bored and i thought 'what would
jesus do?' then i thought 'what would albert do?' yeah, so now
i miss him. hmm hope dre doesn't read this.
tomorrow there's gonna be a buffy pajama party. i can't wait for
that. i ma wear my pink pajamas. i was talking about that with
this writer lady that sits at my table during dinner. she's real
“Close your eyes
Make a wish
And blow out the candle light…
its been along tim esince i ve written but not much has changed. i dunno what to say. oh bot do i have story. this guy was hitting on me constantly an dwe were always flirting i mean always and in a snowball fit h ekinda got carrie daway tackling me, so i figured he liiked me. so during clas i would let him feel up on my chest an dthat went on for like three weeks then i hear that th eentire tim ehe was going behind my back tellin everyone what i slut i was! i was so mad th enext tim ei caught him touching me i threatened his life. so he goe sto everyone an dtell them im a psyco bitch. then he an dhis friedns start thorwing rocks at me after school. i tol dthe principal all this and her big punishment: they had to apologize! what the hell is that! omg! it pissed me off so much so after school i told them that trh enext time they do somthing like that i would break that arms. they know i am sooo much stronger than them so they backed off, alittle. god! now when guys start hitting on me i feel lik etheir using me like him. its awful
all i wanted was to get my nose and/or bellybutton peirced before alex came back from the dominican republic because i wanted to surprise her and my mom had no problem with me getting it done but she had that i had to call and ask my father. the dumb shit that i have for a father says "no, because all the wonmen i see around here that have nose rings are in gangs and i don't want you to get your bellybutton peirced because your mother has that and you'll remind me of your mother if you get it" AAAHHHHHH! son of a bitch! i just want it done already he made me wait a week just so he can say no! i think i'm just gonna get it done anywayz. i tthink my mom would let me because she like the peircings and plus she would do it just to spite my father. my dad knows that i want to go into the FBI when i'm oler so he said to go online and get all this info about the pros and cons of a bellybutton ring. he and i know that you have to get a background in criminal justice and all that and he knows it too because unfortunately he's really smart, skipped a year in unior high and then 2 years in high school. so yeah, he's smart. so is my mom but she's not AS smart. so yea, i have to get all of this info and then tresent it to him like i'm trying to present a theory! he's retarded. he absolutely said no to the nose ring but i might, notice i said might, have a chance with my bellybutton. with my father though, a might isn't that good. ahhh, i can't stand him sometimes. he lives a few thousand miles away and he still controls my life!! ok well i'm gonna go and a ask my mom anywayz. i'll update about something better later. peace.
Today I feel like dying, I dunno. All my life, it's just a joke, a stupid joke that's lost its punchline somewhere along the line. I've always been a loner, I've never really had any friends and noone has really ever talked to me without me initiating the conversation, and even then they only want to carry it along just to be nice. Last night my mom and I were watching a movie and she said to me, "I should have let you play with more of your friends..." Which is great.
This is messed up. People in my school are more open-minded about me, but when
it comes to my dad....well.....he's ignorant about
the subject. He believes that you can
choose your sexuality. I told him that
one of my best friends happened to be
gay and he laughed. He said that they're
only gay because they want to be. I've
told most of the people in my school and
they're okay with me being bisexual;
God damn it. I can't access oasismag.com from home anymore until my Dad fixes the stupid --see title--. Nrg! So, anyway, I am not going to be able to post as often as I like. :( :(
Thanks to all who posted on my rant about a lack of guys on this site, LOVE YOU ALL!!!! :)
First order of business: FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
Alright I’m done.
My life has resorted to this. I don't do homework because I do oasis. I'm so ADD i could fly away. I've decided that I'm a binge eater. Seriously. Um i feel like such a loser. I'm the little bitch of my family - they aren't always very nice. And I'm listening to No Doubt, song : I’m just a girl. Haha, I’m not. But I guess I can relate (no I’m not trans). My life sucks. And I’m sick of it. I have so many things to do – I need to make a collage, a painting, stop eating for 5 minutes, write a short story, and PLUS I have exams nect week and I’m not prepared… shit. My brother keeps making all these jokes about me, and I’m pissed off. School grades didn’t end up as bad as I thought they would, but I’m scared about my exams. I’m so Whacked out. But whatever, I can’t be pissed forever. But I always will be. I was thinking, and I’m not really happy at home… I don’t know what to do because I can’t move out. CAN NOT, WILL NOT. Music plays: It’s my life by No Doubt. Shit, they are brilliant because it IS my life and they DO forget and it NEVER, NEVER ends. Shit, I’m done for now. Talk to me bxexaxuxmxexcx1990 (take out x’s). Shit.