Hate it when all people think about who I am now is just "gay"... I mean there's a whole lot more to me than just that -_-;;
Ohgodohgodohgod WHY THE HELL didn't I keep my mouth shhut!!? Noooo. Just bloody Great. Now I'm going to have to work with my [sort of] ex's girlfriend. Bummer. Not to mention she hates me. (If you knew the whole story, you'd understand....) Only good thing from this is that the other two people I'll be working with (we're in a group,) are my friends....*takes deep breath*
Maybe she'll realize he's not "the one". *shrugs* I dunno. Counsellor said I should finish with him before the univitable happens. I agree with this....it's just when, here's the only guy you've ever liked, and he's using you, yet you KNOW you have to finish with him....I...I guess I sorta do wanna finish with him. Get it done and over with, you know? Fuck. My friend and I don't like the girl either. What happened, really, was that my teacher was going around and he got to me and my friend (we sit side by side) and said (because we have to have 4 people in our group) "Well, why doesn't [girl's name here] join you guys?" and I was like "Uh, okay" hesitantly (not wanting her in our group)...I looked at my friend for "confirmation" and she muttered "I don't like her." but at that time, my teacher already verified it....The only reason she's going in our group is because she wasn't there today....at a conference thingy with half of the rest of the school.
Hello! That sounded like a happy greeting but really I'm feeling more in between shit and okay. Nothing bad happened in particular, just in that sorta mood you know? Usually venting out stuf makes me feel better so.. what better place to turn to than here. Sorry if there are more f bombs than usual.
I finally got dragged into the myspace revolution, I didn't put an answer for my orientation coz I'm not out to everyone but when people don't put straight you usually assume otherwise so at least I'm not lying completely, plus I don't like being labeled lesbian coz I personally don't like the word. And if someone asks me I'm probably going to tell em straight out.. or not so straight.. you get what I mean. Arr I'm just fucking sick of being a closet case. No one in my life truly understands and it annoys the shit out of me when they bitch about their lives because it's my turn to bitch about mine. Sounds selfish but I don't want to be the one expected to always be cheery and just because I'm thinking about something for just a moment and I'm not listening to your wonderful boy issues. Don't you hate when people think you're pissed off at them just because you're feeling down and don't feel like hiding that fact and you just need time to just be in a 'fuck off please just leave me alone' mood! The world doesn't revolve around you and I am not happy 24 hours a day just because I pretend I am.
it seems to me that both sides are more interested in bashing eachother that talking about the important things.... lies are far more prevalent than truth...
one such example which i just heard to day (senator for illinios) "currently principles are only able to suspend students for bringing a gun to school" ARE YOU FUCKING KIDING ME?!?!?!
i wrote in a book that i was gonna bring a gun, and the filed charges against me and kicked my ass out for 2 and a half years.... do people honestly believe this shit...
Okay. This is me ranting,and oh yes, there will be bant! For rant is a great thing! Not like my best friend and her stupid sucky boyfriends. How I hate my life at these times.
So, she's been dating this guy, didn't like him, and he was a total ass after a beer! THEN, she broke up with him today and I was there for her, comforting her, just feeling that now, NOW she might spend more time with me. Yes, a selfish thought, but what the hell am I supposed to do? She's told me herself that she loved me, (not in a rauw way but still!) So I comforted her, ate with her, and spend a great day in general with her. So, later she's about to leave. Going to meat with his best FRIEND! Who she's kissed by the way, (before), she tells me he's a lousy kisser, and even though I barely met this guy I can find so incredibly many faults about him! He's plainly just not good enough for her, and I can't see why she'd do that?! She one of those "Oh, I don't jump from guy to guy" but apparently she does! So I confronted her about it, and she tells me, 'not gonna date him. I'm not' Gives me a bit of a guilt trip, but why would she do it, I mean she can't deal with that stuff, I mean I love her, and such, but can't she see it's not good going from one to another?!
Alright so while I was telling my best friend that I'm Bi, my other friend was sitting in the adjacent room wondering what we were talking about. I didn't tell her for two days, because she's so fecking religious I knew she wouldn't get it.
BUT - for those two days she was accosting me, asking my other friend who knows what we were talking about, and badgering me over MSN to get me to tell her.
So the next day, Thursday I think, I tracked her down first thing in the morning to talk to her. First, I made it known that I was royally pissed that she was trying to weasle it out of she-who-knows. Then I told her. Yes...Yes that went about as well as a bloody trainwreck.
Argh, it's my birthday but a few TINY things just can't stop annoying me. (Warning: Unproof-read, and jumbled sentences that won't make sense)
Okay firstly (this is going to sound retarded), I was so tired today. I like slept the whole time on my school bus, during tutor time and was so fucked up during the entire day. So throughout my birthday I basically just felt screwed up completely. This ultimately made me incapable of engaging in proper conversation with many people that were so nice to me on my birthday (at school).
I have to sort out this fucking phone bill problem of my student house. We have about more than 100 Eurp dept on our account, and this is not my fault, but the girl who took care of the phone bill before I started doing it. And now I have to annoy people who don't even live here any more, and bug them to pay their old dept, and part of the general dept where nobody knows where it comes from. I have so often wanted to simply say: No, I don't want to do this task. It is not my fault. Task rejected. Give me another one. But of course I know it is not possible. Then we get the next angry letter from the bank saying that we need to pay our dept, other wise --- I don't know actually what they will do otherwise. But they seem serious.
If you've read a journal entry I've posted that said I had a crush on three people, I have recently discerned that this is not true. I still have a full-fledged crush on my best friend, and it is NOT. GOING. AWAY.
I guess I was trying to ignore my feelings for her or whatever, but whether you look at it from a psychologist's point of view or not, the fact is, I STILL HAVE A CRUSH ON HER, AND I WANT IT TO STOP. It's crazy. I feel like a wuss every time I'm around her. I've liked her for two years now, and the feelings are still going strong. In fact, they're stronger than ever before, if that's even possible. The only other thing I'm saying about what I wrote in that last sentence is: puberty does wonders. That's it; I am most definitely NOT saying any more.
The South ain't so charmin' honey.
I'm really starting to hate it! I'm know I'm not straight, and
finding out who and what I am is near impossible here. I have no
idea who to talk to about my sexuality, since almost everyone here
is uber-religious, and mostly Baptist!!! (horror music plays).
My family's baptist too.
So, who do I talk to????
it seems like all i ever do on this site is bitch. but hey, if people are listening, i will. our first gsa meeting is in two days. there is this ginormous packet of information that i need to get (since i am co president) from the former president's girlfriend. please note, i used to be madly in love with the former president. so i'm talking to the girlfriend today and i only had a few minutes because i had to go work on something else, and she tells me that she wants to be more involved with gsa than just going to the meetings. i said that maybe as the year goes on we could add more positions (another note: i'm trying to make her
While in Chem. class today, we were talking about the ancient Greeks' and Romans' contributions to science. It was all fine, and I, of course, dominated the discussion (I don't mean to be arrogant...but I'm in class with a bunch or morons, the teacher isn't much better, and I'm taking Latin III and studying ancient Greek). Then, my teacher (a man) makes a comment that really offended me--he said something along the lines of "...but there was a lot of homosexuality in ancient Greek culture, which eventually led to their downfall.
Okay peoples, I FINALLY got my password for this site (its been atleast a month)and yeah,so now I'm writing a god damn journal. By the way, today is the mark of me having myperiod for a fullmonth! So i've been bleeding for the past 30-31 days!
As much as I love my job. I am so very glad that it is almost over. MY boss is a jack ass...ah lets not go there and the kids are so not good anymore. They are extremly disrepectful...and you would think that if you picked up your child adn they were sitting in time out that ou would ask y..I sure as hell would want to know, but nayway...we have had several kids in time outs way longer than 5 minutes like usual. Many have been sitting in time out for HOURS....that is no joke you guys..it's is getting so bad that we put them there adn tehy sit there until they are picked up, go inside or we change activities..it's ffucking ridiculous
I COMMENT ON EVERYONE'S JOURNAL ENTRIES
@ LEAST ONCE. I TRY TO HELP
PPL OUT. BUT NOBODY CAN COMMENT ON
MY VERY RARE JOURNALS??????????????
man today i was like saposed to be fun,happy,excited but now im like fuck fuck FUCK!!! ok so im like a cheerleader as some know and well today i had to go help pass out scheduales for when school start and help the younger girls get ready for athletics(note:that one of the reason i was happy bout today cuz i could check out the new stuff)and well i got there got my scheduale and locker for athletics well when i was done i went over to my crush(she was helpin pass out the scheduale)well 2 of my friends were standin rite there and they sed hi to me and she jus sat there lookin grim and didnt say anything to me so i walk over to her and tap her on tha head and say wat u dont know how to say hi (jus playin wit her) and she sed hi in like a bad attittude well i jus blew her of and went and hung out wit my other freinds and then i went wit on of friends and sat in one chair together next to my crush and stuff well she still loookin all glumy so i say think bout mcdonalds(u know "put a smile on") and she says i dont like mcdonalds and i say i had taco bell last nite so that makes her smile and so she gets all perky its jus i dont know i think me bein mad becuz she didnt act the way i thought she would act to me and her not seein each other for a long time like everyone else did when they saw me and she was the only one i really cared to see....and i guess i got piss when she was hangin wit some girl and lolin cuz she was like there...and i guess im mad cuz i didnt tell her i liked her like i was saposed to do...uhh..i dont know i think im jus over reactin or not i think that me and her r driftin and i dont know why we live like 12 houses away and we dont go to each other houses and well uhh i dont know i think she jus...dealin wit somethin she doesnt want to tell cuz like u know all the suddened out of the blues she wants to get closer to god and then like kinda blames her bad behaviour on the people she hangs out wit and im like u chose the stuff u do i dont know but...man....on other news i told another on of my freinds of bein bi they told me that they mite be bi too and i also kinda told her who my crush she told me she wouldnt tell but im not al l so sure but i think i do thing subcounsliy cuz im to scared to do em well i think i told her cuz she will tell my crush and i wont have too
Dead end conversations drive everyone nuts, right? I mean, come on, "I don't know, what do you want to do?" "I don't know, what do you want to do?" gets old after a while.
The more open ended, the better. Not only is it good manners to ask, "How are you?" or in the more common world, "Sup?" it also gives the other person a chance to share with you and takes away the pressure to provide a conversation topic. Conversations are two way, that means you talk for a while and then THEY talk for a while.
so ihavent been on for a couple months a lot of crzy shits happen.
on juhne 15 my dad died of an apprent mass heart attack in afgahnastan he was only 41
he didnt smoke and was in perfect health its reaally strange.
the furneral was raelly nice though and my bestfriend playde gutiar to "in my life"
then iwent to puerto rico caus thas were my mos from and tha camp.camp was hard for
isufferd from insomnia and i lost substential wieght because i cant eat but in a way ccamp was a good
Ok is anyone else out there so sic of hearing how god hates us adn that christians are going to send us all to hell? I know I am. As a Christian I don't believer any of that crap is true and i don't think of homosexuality is a sin either. God created me adn besides he forgives sins anyway. I am so tired of reading things that say shit like that. It doesn't amke anysense. Hell my church does same - sex marriages!!!! I think it's awesome. I really jsut wisht aht people would stop putting all christians in some kinda of box that can't be touched and saying that we are all teh same. It's not true at all..infact all of my church is extremely open minded..maybe minus some of the really old crazy people..but they don't count anyway.
I hate crushes. Hatehatehatehatehate. My most recent one has been making me miserable.
I want to stop crushing on this girl. NOW. She is NEVER going to like me back, she is perfectly straight, she's a Christian, and she thought that the Gay-Straight Alliance I'm trying to start at my school sounded weird. And yet I get this fluttery, light-headed, soaring-up-into-the-clouds feeling whenever she WAVES at me in the cafeteria! Just one little motion of the hand makes me a sappy, drooling idiot. And here's the thing: I HAVE TO HIDE IT. I am NOT ready to come out yet, especially not at my stupid homophobic school. I hear jokes about gay, bisexual, and transgendered people EVERY DAY. It makes me feel like crap.