I feel like I would be being a bad friend if I let things happen with B. But I also think that I said something to hear that meant something and I've been railing on her about how she treats me. I don't know what happened between the time we talked after school and when I talked to her after therapy, but she ... changed her tone.

01) Are you currently in a serious relationship?
02) What was your dream growing up?
03) What talent do you wish you had?
04) If I bought you a drink, what would it be?
05) Favorite vegetable?
06) What was the last book you read?
07) What zodiac sign are you?
08) Any tattoos and/or piercings? Explain where.
09) Worst habit?
10) If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride?
11) What is your favorite sport?
12) Do you have a pessimistic or optimistic attitude?
13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
14) Worst thing to ever happen to you?

So I thought that my day couldn't get any worse, well I was wrong. On top of all of that shit that I'm feeling the family shit and whatever it is I had the worst lunch I think ever.

There are a lot of May birthdays. My sister's birthday is later in the week and she's having tons of people over and I wish I had known that *this* many people were going to be here.

I talked to B yesterday about hanging out because I really don't want to be here when 25 8th granders invade my house. *eyeroll* I love my sister, but I hate her friends. It's kind of difficult to talk to her about relationship stuff when I hate her bf. That's kind of another issue though.

I still want to date B, but I she wants to take things slow. She kind of already treats me like her gf where she's kind of weird about who I hang out with, but not in a weird jealous way, just in her own kind of way. She says I'm being too uptight, but I'm so worried that somethign is going to happen and we aren't going to be friends (because that is the pattern we go through) that I'm being clingy and I know it.

I don't want to be stuck in this same cycle. I hate being in the revolving door with her (metaphorically) as far as me and B go. It just doesn't work. I mean it is how we are. Freshman year we were totally into one another, we talked all the time. Hung out a few times, and she kissed me. It wasn't my first kiss or her's. But it was still special.

My brain just splattered everywhere. FUCK. That is kind of why I hate and love B all at the same time. She's an evil bitch, but damn she can be really hot sometimes. I think I just like the idea of being dominated.

And fuck this is awkard typing in teh computer lab at my school. Thankfully no one knows who B is. I mean they do, just they don't know her as B. lol

Maux-- I feel kind of bad for leaving you there. T-T That isn't really what a friend should do and I'm sorry that is kind of my shit to deal with and not yours. So I feel like pond scum.