*inspired by Richard Siken's poetry
Daybreak was smeared across
the upstairs window like
frosting on a week old cake.
I woke up with the feel of
your august fingers on my temples,
rubbing circles the way
you used to do when I was nervous.
It was comforting then
but now it haunts me.
Jamie, I'm mad at myself
for dreaming of ghosts
and maroon sweaters.
It only means that I'm dwelling on this,
on the shadow that you left behind,
living inside its cold attic chest,
breathing out stale carnations
through silvery lungs.
I miss you, Jamie.
I miss the iron butterflies
He told me, quoting that stupid Robyn song, "the only way your heart will mend is when you learn to love again".
When I saw you the first time...
I heard some music chime.
The song of the angels flowing down,
putting glistening sunshine on your head...
The perfect ruler for my body,
the perfect person for my habits...
What can I say?
This love, when I see you I feel it everyday.
When I first saw you, the music... so good.
It made me go down under...
Close my eyes, the sweet interlude.
Your eyes, so perfect, so true...
and your lips and body, too.
I just can't say enough about you..
Who you are, what you do.
Baby, I couldn't see you go.
Alright. This is going to sound majorly dumb... But I am so confused, and I need answers.
There is this boy. He shall remain nameless through this whole thing. ;)
He has been my friend ever since he and I join BoyScouts. We have always been back-to-back partners, always doing the right things, always the highest up teachers (as far as kids go) to teach the younger ones. We have always tented together.... and then there was this one night.
So um. Ew. Breakups are the worst. Oh, I guess I'll expand on that, instead of leaving a random (true) statement floating around my head. I broke up with my 6-month boyf (codename: Paul) for lots of reasons.. But the point being I can't get over it and I don't know why. I'm over him, but not the relationship (friendship), if that makes sense? Plus I'm in the in between stage, where I still kind of like him but logic (of the fact that he was only ever nice to me) is going against the crush. Also, he's not taking it well, being really immature and stuff.
So I decided to get an account on here, because I've sort of fallen out of touch with the online LGBT community, or whatever you wanna call it. It might help me to be able to blog about random shit in my life. I used to have a blog, but then I just got too busy for it and got out of the habit.
Yeah I haven't been on in forever, and I think I'm probably not gonna return, but just so you guys know, I now have a boyfriend :D
He's awesome, and the fact that I only get to see him every once in a while just adds to the excitement!
Oh, I also decided to write "love" for the To Write Love On Her Arms day b/c of all the personal experiences with that, and some of it didn't come off finally till today lol.
So, this is probably me saying goodbye and good luck to all. Peace lovies.
i'm feeling kind off like crystal today.... the really expencive kind you break by ringing too hard....and it's because today is the 7th year anniversery of my first date, with my first bf.... so, if you could send hugs, kisses, love,chocolate, and any thing else you can think off to get me out of my nest of tissues and tear-stained photos, i'd love it very much....
I have now come out to enough people to make a high five, so yeah, that's awesome. That makes, L (friend), H, lesbian youth minister at my church (God, I love my church!), M (friend), N (ex-boyfriend), and K (friend). M came out as bisexual to me, so I kinda reflexed and came out to him as well. Then N, ex-kinda-boyfriend, came out to me as bisexual, so I reflexed again and came out to him. He said something that seemed like he might be gay, though, that he was still questioning (which I am, too). I agonized for a bit when I was only out to one friend.
So while looking for relationship advice via google (sad, I know), I stumbed upon this nice little site. Since I don't seem to have any privacy journaling in an actual notebook, I'll use this instead. Maybe. I guess we'll see how it goes.
I should really shower. We're swimming in gym, and blah. I smell like chlorine, and probably sweat from yoga. And yet here I am sitting at the computer at 1:30 in the morning. Oh well. Who said I was the most glamorous person in the world?
well, i have a boyfriend now... hes really sweet and his name is jimmy.... i liked him about a year ago and never told anyone until about a month or so ago.... and now we have been together for around 3 weeks....
I have a boyfriend :o
I think I've mentioned him before in my journal but that was probably back when we met in this nightclub like last year or whenever. Well anyway we like saw each other for awhile recently and then he told me he wanted to tell people I was his boyfriend, and I was like, well I don't see a problem with that lol. And there you have it.