Its been awhile but i guess tht shows by the date of my last post. Well recently i got a job, been terminated b/c they didnt need me anymore. Told my best friend im gay. I had drawn a pic of the guy a like and he found out so i ended up covering for it. We've been playing hide n' seek with our eyes a lot lately so idk wuts up w/ tht. lol Ive been harassed on formspring by some asshole saying everyone thinks im gay and asking me if i am, but the belligerent ass was just full of it and when i questioned his reason for asking me he shut up.
Living in a suburb, in a state that constantly rains, and in a chaotic family comes me. I'm your typical boy next door and like most people on here I'm gay, or am I? Only time will tell really. Being in the closet isn't much fun. I have to feel bad all the time, ask God why me, and thank God for repealing DADT, if I do come out by the time I start to serve. I took up this Journal as a new hobby for me and to give all of you the documentation of the life of a boring teenager who is yes, in the closet. Wow big surprise there, eh? Sure one person (my bestfriend) has suspicions about my sexuality, and sure when she or anyone else asks I deny that I am, and sure I also have only had girlfriends. I'm also a virgin and the closest I've been is a damn peck on the lips. I'm almost a legal adult! That's a bit effed up if you ask me.
Although it pains me greatly to post thrice in the span of four and twenty hours, this truly merits immediate note.
I just came out to my parents!
For some reason I find weekends oddly depressing now. Maybe it's just all the time I have with no excuse to hide in my little nerd-cave being unsociable. Homework is the usual excuse, but I can't ever pretend I have a whole weekend's worth of it.
So, um, I'm abroad in India this year, having decided I'd like to see the world despite maybe not all of my identity fitting in with a traditional Indian mindset. And, well, I'm glad I've gone abroad to a place so different from my own culture, but it's hard because I'm closeted here (living in a small, traditional city in Banaras), at least to the Indians surrounding me, and the more I try to be a Good Hindustani Girl the more conflict I feel inside me, because there is a recent part of me that wasn't expecting to marry an Indian man, pop out babies, and make chapati for the rest of my life.
I'm feeling very irritable right now :( I FEEL LIKE I'M STUCK IN THE CLOSET STILL. (woah didn't realize cap locks was on), but I have already come out to basically everyone. I mean I'm out to my three best friends in the whole world. Plus I came out personally to my other friends A., E., and S. and AI. Then I even put in on facebook at the beginning of the year. oh yeah and my MOM.
so recently the univ or richmond ran this letter in their student paper:
i think it captures some feelings of those who are still in the closet.
May 7, 2007