Ive not made a journal entry in quiet a while so i have a lot of updating to do!
Let me start by saying Im a 14 year old boy and im bisexual, A few month ago i would of choked on those words but now im much more comfortable with myself although Im still learning about my sexuality I can deal with it better because of my personal acceptence.
Let me tell you, my step-mother was a nasty piece of work. Greedy, manipulative, conniving and evil. She had given birth, the result of her first trap, to a male reptile two years younger than I. A boy who would live his life just as protected and probably even more swaddled outside of her womb as he was when he was still at the larva stage of his development.
On January 20th i came out to my mom. Boy was that the worst mistake i made. lol i mean she went through a heckload of personalities in a matter of 1 & 1/2 days.
Most of us would like to think that our parents are the most trust worthy of all people and would do nothing to disrespect and or go against that. Sadly, that would sometimes mean having to live a double life to please them.
Below in this journal entry is the story of how my parents found out about my sexuality or more or less how I came out to my family about it. I will admit that I was full of fear, sadness and self-loathing. But at least when I told them I had a heavy weight lifted off my shoulders and I felt better that I didn't have to hide it any more.
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So I pretty much came out to my mum as genderqueer over email when we were both entirely sober. She's not yet responded. Lalalalalala.
Also I've not spoken to another living being aloud for like a fucking week, I am such a social failure, everyone else has things to do Friday night, etc. etc. bla bla bla
Okay, so the other day I had told my cousin that I am a lesbian. I trust her with everything. So I was surprised when my aunt came up to me and asked me if I was gay. I knew my cousin must have told her something, so I figured that I had been in the closet long enough; and I told her the truth. She reacted better then I thought she would. But what really bothers me is that, my cousin told her that thinking I would get kicked out. She was wanting to cause problems between my aunt and I. But today when I got home from school I soon realized that my aunt had also said something to my mom.
Hi all I'm new here
iv known i was gay since childhood, only KNEW about 3 years ago
and well, now i want to tell my parents...
This is the most scared iv been in a very long time,
I don't know what i should do, I mean, I REALLY want to be free to be me,
but what if telling them makes sure i can definitely not be myself?
My friends all know and are cool with it, my sister knows, I'm out to everyone but my parents, Who are the strict Afrikaans Christian type(South Africans will understand...)
It's been just over four months since i came out to my mom that i was bisexual, and i still feel like she hasnt accepted it. In the beginning she said she would and she did. But now she makes these hurtful jokes, and sometimes uses it against me. I find myself somedays counting the days until I'm 18 so i can get out already.
So this is an update about my problem in "Her Confusion".
My girlfriend is now considering actually getting a sex change, she isn't just wondering about the whole transgender thing. Last night she was even discussing names with me.
This was going to be a post about how Gabe Saporta and his stupud face and stupid band make me really happy and I don't know how I feel about that, followed by some commentary on forced religion in weddings and how far one should comprimise, but instead it turned into a post about making use of your mobile phone and how awesome my mother is. Idk.
So I woke up to a text this morning from my girlfriend of 4 months. She was telling me for the first time that she has always felt like she should have been a boy. That she would be more comfortable as one and everything.
It is decision time. I have two options.
Live a lie my entire life to make my mother and grandmother happy, and keep everything in their perfect christian worlds perfect.
I could be myself and live without fear, without lying every 10 seconds and without hating myself, but also without a family.
MICA continues to be a lot of fun, a lot of work, not much sleep and way too hot. I went to a thrift shop of sorts yesterday called The Book Thing, where they have rooms and rooms of used books, and they're all free! I got a box full, 16 in total, I think. I felt like such a gutton, but they were all so beautiful I couldn't choose.
Ok, I first wrote this a week or so ago, but I accidently shut my computer off and lost it. So I will try to rewrite it as best I can.
Well my mom, aunt, and I went to eat one night, and I decided to see what they'd say. So I used the classic- my friend- excuse, but it worked even better becuase my friend actually is. I asked them what they thought of her being bi. My mom said
"I think she's confused on which gender she wants to fu4k"
Once I finally came out to myself that I am Bi, I felt that I should tell at least one person so that I didn't have to continue to hide.
First I picked one of my good friends. The only bad thing is, that she is the daughter of a LCMS pastor. (NOTE: all of my friends are Lutheran, because I go to a private LCMS Lutheran School) She took it pretty well actually. She told me that she won't like my decision (even though its not really a decision) but that she will respect it and she told me that no matter what happenes, she will never leave me.
She was the person who took it the best.
So this year I went away to college, and I met a girl, who was a few years older than me, and we quickly became best friends. Before I met her I never really had any bisexual feelings, neither did she. One thing lead to another and after months of being friends we hooked up and started dating. We didn't tell anyone, I told one of my sisters, and she told one of her friends, but did not want anyone to know because her parents would freak.
Its been awhile but i guess tht shows by the date of my last post. Well recently i got a job, been terminated b/c they didnt need me anymore. Told my best friend im gay. I had drawn a pic of the guy a like and he found out so i ended up covering for it. We've been playing hide n' seek with our eyes a lot lately so idk wuts up w/ tht. lol Ive been harassed on formspring by some asshole saying everyone thinks im gay and asking me if i am, but the belligerent ass was just full of it and when i questioned his reason for asking me he shut up.
I have grown SO MUCH as a person this past year.
I've gone to college. For the sake of anonymity, I don't want to go into details. But I am SO much more comfortable with myself. I feel like, "it's okay, I can do this!"
I went to the Coming Out Ball. I did a project on a gay neighborhood. I went to a party. Every guy on my floor pretty much knows I'm gay. The girls, not so much. I've heard homophobic talk from some of the girls on my floor, and I have a lot of conservative friends. I'm not ready to take that step.