In a labyrinth
Between two different worlds
Of humanity and savagery
It destroys me
And Defects my happy delusions
I've come to come conclusion
That collision is soon to come
Give me your strongest scream
Not your feeble dreams
Feed me your darkest truths
Not your unbidden lies
Shadows that ooze and drip
Upon the walls
Shroud my solid epiphany
As I sit here in the bleak, darkness of my room I can hear them. They are the Invaders. They speak in loud tones, of other things, yet I know inside they are cursing my existence, because I'm gay. I feel so alone. I've met others like me, with habitual similarities and compulsive differences. I feel eventually torn from them, when I say my father is a pastor.
Every year for band, we go on a spring trip. This year was supposed to be Disney World, but then it was downgraded to Chicago. From there, it was put down even more to Kansas City (in state). Such a bummer that I wasn't gonna go. But, my freshman buddy "Tara" wants me to go. She even asked me to room with her. So, we decided each of us will choose another person to room with us at the hotel because it's 4 people to a room with two beds.
Well, I chose an acquaintance of mine (for convenicence she'll be "A.A") that is rumored to be bisexual. No one is absolutely sure if she is or not, but Tara strongly believes so and was horrified when I stated that A.A. will be sleeping in the same room with us. I told her that it's not like A.A. will rape her in the middle of the night just because she's queer (if she really is that is. That girl has everyone confused.) Tara didn't say anything until the end of the day when she said, "Okay, but only if you share the bed with her."
I just came out as bi/confused to my best L friend.
I had been feeling bad that I hadn't told her that I was really interested in girls yet, even though I started going to Queer Support meetings at school for a couple of weeks.
I haven't posted a lot in Oasis, I feel like I only just joined, but I am so gratefull that it is here.
I just started the coming out (as bi) process a few months ago, and a good portion of it I was away from my friends and primary support on break. Oasis was here as an outlet. Whenever I felt like I was the only person dealing with all this confusion and stess, Oasis was there.
I told my mom a while back that I was "lk that" and wasn't going to change. She seemed okay with it... She said it was my choice and just to know that once I make that choice, (to come out to all or to be with a girl) that nothing would be the same. Life would be harder. So, thanks? I mean I thought it was okay. Too good to be true???
Okay. For those of you who haven't been reading my journal lately, basically I was recently outed by someone who read a journal/sketchbook of mine in which I wrote I'm gay. The first day I came back to school after finding out about this rumor, I didn't hear anybody talking about it anymore, so I thought it had blown over.
Lately i've been thinking abotu coming out to my mom. Well i really shouldnt say lately, i've been wanting to for a year or two now. I've picked dates and then once teh day and time came i just chickened out and didn't tell her. I'm tired of keeping this a secret. I'm pretty sure she already knows i'm a lesbian but i just feel like i'm lying to her.
Yep.As the title suggests I came out...to one person...my best friend.It all still feels a little sureal.We spent the day together.For most of the day her boyfriend was with us and I was thinking damn it I'm not going to get to do it!But then he got tired and headed home,so we went to play pool.
So i wrote a letter to one of my sisters, basically coming out to her. first i need to clear up that she is not my sister by blood. she is the sister of my sister........ sigh.......... my sister from my dad's first marriage, well her mum had 2 more girls to her 2nd hubby. is it clear now?
[ Note --- This is my unfinished "coming out" story. I am still working on it, but I need some suggestions and critiques. Tell me what you think of it so far ]
Names are changed for privacy of those mentioned.
This week has been shit....Absolute shit (exclude the job interview I went for on Wednesday). I really like my P.E. (she doesn't teach me the class this year, but it's easier saying that, so I'll just pretend that she is, cuz she taught me last year) teacher....so then I finally told my counsellor yesterday, and then she said, "You and I both know that you'll get hurt, if you try to act on it."....after that, she told me that it could only be a fantasy, and that's all it'd ever be. She's right....Ms. Slackson (my nick for her) wouldn't jepoardize her job. She wouldn't jepoardize being hauled off to jail. And, I know that deep down, but it still hurts to hear my counsellor say that. It hurts, knowing that it will never be. I won't ever be able to go up to her in the hall (or wherever) and just hug her...I won't be able to get close to her (in a non-sexual way). I almost started crying...I don't know why I didn't. And that's not even the worst of it. Just last night, a friend of mine signed on, and she asked me why I had a crush (her word, not mine) on Ms. Slackson. *She actually used the real name, but, for personal safety's sake, I'm not going to say it.* She also said it was gross....I was like, "Huh? What? What are you on about??" Wondering if I had really been that obvious. Then, she told me about the story I wrote....similar to my fantasy/dream. She said, "I know you wrote it." Then she told me she knew it was the teacher, because of the description I'd put in the story. My friend told me, "Look, I don't mind that you're gay, but we [her other friend as well] get a little weirded out." Then she proceeded to explain why, that I embarrass them, by...By being fucking prideful. For FUCK'S sake....It's not like I pushed you up a wall, and tried to make out with you! Why is it such an annoyance that I'm different/that I think girls are hotter than guys? Why!?
I just wrote a huge letter to my sister coming out. Fuck!!!!! I'm so fucking nervous. Goddamn shit mother fuck.
Sorry, I cuss when I'm nervous.
I told myself a few weeks ago that I would tell my sister that I'm bi. She's a few years older than me, and we can usually talk about personal stuff and keep our parents out of it. I've really wanted her to know because I've wanted someone in my family to know, and to have someone to talk to. I wrote a letter but couldn't send it. We've hung out several times these past couple of weeks, but I just don't know how to get on the topic. I'm starting to realize how scary all of this is.
i am so frustrated....
i have been waiting to come out to my dad for about 6 months now... my mom has continued to warn me agaisnt it, saying she believes he might cut off all college funding ect when he figures out... i know my father and i know he won't do that... i am spending next monday with him and he is taking me out to dinner.... i was all ready to tell him.. i knew exactly what i was going to say.... how i was going to say it, how i was going to tell him about my ex, i was so ready to get it all out there.... and then my mom decides (without asking me) that my sister is coming to dinner as well... oh no problem mom she can come... ummm, how about not...
I am doing some work for school, and I come across this letter (reprinted in an autobiography) which I found fun to read and wanted to share with you: I deleted a few words to conceal the topic she is writing about, but I'll reveal it at the end of the post. It is written by an upper-class woman in England.
By Jeff Walsh
As the late Kurt Cobain used to sing on-stage in Smells Like Teen Spirit: "Our little tribe has always been and always will until the end."
Author Linnea Due, 47, agrees with Cobain, but says considering the strides and volume of books and information written for the gay community, youth have been snubbed in those advances.
By Jeff Walsh
Each school year marks a time of change, from having new teachers and classes to new demands and expectations. For queer and questioning students, it can also mean debating whether or not you will tell anyone about your sexuality this semester.
But deciding to come out, by either telling one special friend or the entire student body, is a major step.
from The Advocate, Issue #666, October 18, 1994, page 6
By Jeff Walsh
I was 23 when I accepted that I was gay. I remember it being such a rush to finally talk to other gay people on my home computer. At that point I thought falling in love and living a happy life were things I could never have. I'll also never forget how alone I used to feel after I shut off my computer because that was the only place my gay community existed.