I'm stuck in the closet because I'm still kind of questioning. I've been trying to get out of the questioning phase since I was fourteen. I am almost eighteen now.
I tried to come out as gay when I was fourteen, but no one believed me. That made me very confused so I started identifying as bi.
I came out as bi and people were more willing to believe that. I regret coming of as bi because I don't really think I'm bi anymore. I think a lot of my "attraction" to guys was just anxiety.
I am 16 years old, living in a small town full of white, religious people. Up until a couple days ago, I thought I was straight, but now I am not so sure. I have never been interested in sex with a female; I feel as if I am attracted to them, but I have never been able to watch straight or lesbian porn. I am the only one who dresses fashionably in my school, I love musicals, and I find myself attracted to some men. I get aroused when seeing naked men and/or gay porn. The problem is, I don't really feel gay.
So i came out to my mom after 9 years and she basically said that im in denial and i need to get help. Everyday she acts like nothings wrong. Its like she lives in this little bubble and everything that changes her plan or doesnt make our family look perfect its wrong. And she thinks that im pushing the fact that im gay in her face. And im not. She tries to buy my silence with gifts . But i wont put up with it. She says that im going against everything shes ever told me, and that my life choice effects her and me.
I'm still questioning my sexuality, I don't know if I'm bi-sexual or a lesbian. Another thing it makes me feel lost, like I don't know who I am. So the point of this post is if I can get advice on helping me discover who I am. Or just advice in general. And this is what I mean by I feel lost:
I just look at straight people with children and livin a happy life and despise them because they were not born gay . Its not my FUCKING fault , and i have people judging me with their disguting looks and the things they say . no one wants to be around Nick , and i can just look at my mothers face and tell she wishes she had a more athletic , cute , ladys man as a son and not some sensitive female-like child . Im just tired of life . u may see it as a little problem if your not gay yourself , but its huge and determines your mood most of the time
For Certain reasons I wont mention my name. But I need guidance in my life and it would be nice to meet people like me. I know this is a long journal entry but if you all would read it and maybe help me I would greatly appreciate it.
This is the 1st time I ever talked to a soul about this. I have had this on my mind for some time now. I read a few articles about similar situations before that motivated me to write about me for the first time. Only through the anonymity of the internet can I find relief to talk about my sexual.....well......things. So, I registered, and here I am. Again, you, internet strangers, are the first I talk to about this. All of the following, I never told anyone about. Until now.
Hello, I am 14 (male) and in my first year of high school. I am attracted to men and sometimes think other boys at my school are attractive. Also, I recently realized that I am not attracted to females at all. I feel very confused about who I am right now. Because I am attracted to members of the same, and not opposite, gender, I think I might be gay.
Hi, I'm new to this site and this is my first post. I've been questioning my sexuality since I was seven. I've never had any crushes on any boys before but I think I've had a crush on a girl before. I thought about her all the time and enjoyed spending time with her. She's also really cute. I've gotten nervous around her before. She's likes another girl so I'm trying to get over this "crush" or whatever this is. Gay porn really turns me on, but lesbian porn doesn't really turn me on. Am I lesbian, bi or straight?
Im 20 and for the past year or so ive been worried over my sexuality. It all started after one day randomly thinking 'What if i was gay?', from there it started to develop into a much more serious question and wouldnt stop bothering me.
Alright. This is going to sound majorly dumb... But I am so confused, and I need answers.
There is this boy. He shall remain nameless through this whole thing. ;)
He has been my friend ever since he and I join BoyScouts. We have always been back-to-back partners, always doing the right things, always the highest up teachers (as far as kids go) to teach the younger ones. We have always tented together.... and then there was this one night.
I'm 17, raised into a Christian family since birth. And lately I've been having just some thoughts about myself like. I feel myself attracted to girls, but I always actually like guys. But there's a nag at my brain screaming at me to get out. a gay friend once told me "you can never be sure until you have sex with someone of each gender." but that disturbs me because I believe in abstinence.
i'll just cut to the chase here. so i was getting my schedule changed, no big deal. i go into the classroom to get a signature and suddenly i'm overtaken by this beautiful guy, he says he's my cousin (never seen him before in my life). so i get the slip signed and the guy (who i will call "N") hugged me in an almost more than friendly way (all sorts of thoughts and feelings start to build). i really hoped he was kidding about the cousin thing because i have no recollection of ever seeing "N" at a family reunion or anything.
Ok, my name is Emily, and I have the blues. The deep down, navy blues to be exact. I have almost come to the conclusion that I'm gay. But no one knows this. At all. No one even suspects it. I was in a committed relationship with a guy for two years. And on the surface, we were a perfect couple. But, I just could not make myself like him as anything other than a friend. I just don't desire guys in "that way". Just the though of "consumating" a relationship with a guy makes me want to gag! But I feel totally different about girls! The big problem is: I live in Mississippi.
Here it is... I am new to Oasis. I read a few journals and realized, that this may be the place to be to help and guidance.
so that debate on same-sex marriage i mentioned before (http://www.oasisjournals.com/2009/05/class-debate) was today. and i honestly tried my best to come up with arguments that would mean something to me and my liberal classmates. so i talked about adoption cases and health issues and the american family and all that shit (see i cursed that's how upset i am), and the messed-up part is, while i was debating i actually kinda believed what i was saying!
It's been a year since I really began to realize I wasn't straight. It's been utter chaos since then. I've called myself bi, questioning, pansexual, and everything in between. Sometimes I'm sure I'm lesbian, sometimes I know I'm straight, when I think about it I think I must be bi.
Is it possible to want to die, but not want to kill yourself? I mean...I wouldn't say I am suicidal...but I don't want to live. No...I think what I mean to say is that I don't want to feel. I think some people confuse not wanting to live and not wanting to feel. See...the thing is...sometimes I wish I was a cutter. I mean...cutters cut because they want to feel something. They can't feel without hurting themselves physically. I want to STOP feeling. I feel too much. I wish I could turn off my physical feeling and my emotion.
So this morning i saw Arc at school.
Me: how the hell do you do that?
Arc: do what?
m: you look amazing. all the time
a: awh, thanks
m: yeah, no prob
*we walk to her locker and stand*
a: i am so cold
m: do you need me to warm you up again?
a: ...yeah i do
m: k, c'm'ere
*i proceed to wrap my arms around her, she leans into me, fitting perfectly, resting her head on my shoulder. we stay like that for a minute*
a: i swear one of these days i'm going to freeze to death
m: no you won't, i'll chase after you and warm you up
a: i know you would