At the moment there are two questions that just don’t leave me in peace:
1. Am I attracted to my teacher?
2. Am I attracted to a woman?
It looks weird enough to see it written down, in cold print and everything, but it feels even worse. It explains part of my confusion going on in my mind right now.
Let’s review why I might conclude that I could possibly be attracted to my teacher.
It’s my music teacher that I’m talking about.
Ahhhh.... My crush is so FUCKING confusing! Sometimes he is very flirty with me and very nice and other times he is like if I didnt exist.
Here I've got many times when he is flirty or kind with me
Once we were on Spanish class that is almost literature and the teacher told us that we had to write the time that we saw the most beautiful person in our life.
Half of the class invented the story. Then I realized he was staring at me various times and we made eye contact various times for a long time and sometimes he made silly faces or looked away quickly.
Today on this gloomy, overcast, November afternoon I have decided to sit down at my keyboard and share with you the story of my, for lack of a better term, coming out. I would not say my story is completely unique, nor that it is a common one. It is unique in many different ways, but at its core is the same as all other stories of its nature, just like we as humans are different in who we are, but we live, breathe, and love as one species.
Hello, my name is...
Let's start from the beginning, shall we?
Since the myth of cooties was debunked sometime in the fourth grade, I've always leaned toward the heterosexual side. My sexual orientation was never anything I actively questioned, or at least, until this year.
I saw h-e-r. We'll refer to her as Lea, even though that's not her actual name. (At least, I'm pretty certain that that isn't her actual name. I'm ashamed to say that I'm attracted to a girl whose name I don't even know, but it's the truth.)
Its been awhile but i guess tht shows by the date of my last post. Well recently i got a job, been terminated b/c they didnt need me anymore. Told my best friend im gay. I had drawn a pic of the guy a like and he found out so i ended up covering for it. We've been playing hide n' seek with our eyes a lot lately so idk wuts up w/ tht. lol Ive been harassed on formspring by some asshole saying everyone thinks im gay and asking me if i am, but the belligerent ass was just full of it and when i questioned his reason for asking me he shut up.
I have problems too. They aren't teenage angst, high school drama, family problems or unrequited mental affairs with painful heartthrobs. It's perhaps a bit harder for you to understand because it's so different. But I'll try, near the start, where it's appropriate. I need to write about it because that's what journals are for - I've been trying to distract myself by listing my achievements and successes in my other entries. But that's unfair. It's not humanising. It's not an equilibirum of give and take, of control and fate tugging at each other. I need to mention the other side.
I'm currently supposed to be finishing up some homework. I don't feel like it for multiple reasons, but one thing that bothers me is that my full name is prominently displayed whenever I go to do it. It's online homework, and so it's under my full legal name, the one I gave the college. It's infuriating. I feel depressed when I look at it, like my work is all really someone else's.
And of course, binding hurts, is itchy and uncomfortable, but I'm scared to transition, scared that I'll regret it. Yet I'm binding daily and disguising my feminine features. I'm so frustrated right now. :(
So I'm back at home again, in my old bed. I haven't been here to sleep in three months. And it's weird, because at college I've been mostly presenting as male, and identifying as male, for the past month or so, even a little more than that maybe. I love my bed, I love my room, but it is so unmistakably a typical girl's room that I feel confused. It feels weird. It's like seeing myself in pictures.
Apologies if this turns into my life story….
so latley i feel like im not part of the family well actually my whole life. i feel as if im the odd one out. i cant talk to my mom or dad they just mock me if i try to talk to them about anything serious. the only person i can turn to is my aunt, i cant tell her everything thing since she will probably go and tell my mom. i just wish i was able to start a new life away from them all. i mean I'll miss them i guess since i've been with them my whole life but i dont want to be some where im not loved and somewhere where everyone is ashamed of me.
I just joined this site, so I'm not really sure how things work around here, but I suppose a nice little situation synopsis would be a decent way to start. I'm heading off to boarding school in a couple months. It's a very nice school, relatively liberal, and the people are insanely friendly. My main worry is how to approach my sexuality. I'm lesbian,
So here is a quick question Oasis, since coming out is a big issue on this lovely site I was wondering if it mattered whether or not you had stuck a specific label on yourself before telling people your secrets. Like for me, I am pretty sure I'm not going to start liking guys anymore than I do right now, which isn't very much, but I am afraid if I come out as a lesbian no one would understand if I ended up liking a guy in the future.
Oh god, I'm really fuckin' confused with this.
I am ghey. FO DIZZLE! And that's the way that I like it!
but recently, I've found myself really falling for a boy that I know, and i definitely know that he really likes me back. But all i can think is.. What the fuck's going on???
Now I'm back to square one of doubting my sexuality. -_-"
Is this normal? Like, has anyone else found one person that they'd turn straight for?
Okay, it's not a ballad. I just liked the title. I don't usually do this here, but my family reads my blog at times, and I'm trying to fool them into thinking I'm getting over Jon. If you're feeling prone to depression right now, I'd skip this post. It's pretty bleak throughout. I needed a place to put it all though, so here it is.
I'm confused tonight. I've sorta always known that I wasn't quite normal sexuality-wise, and I've been fine with that. I'm pretty sure that my family is accepting and as far as I know, none of them have any issues about sexuality. So, I always thought that coming out would be easy for me. I chose tonight, just cuz I think that'd be a good idea, and my best friend just came out to her parents.
So guess what, guys? I think I might have lost my mind.
This is my first time posting here, so sorry that it has to be ranting, but... Whatcha gonna do?
So I know I like women. Some women. Haven't met one right one yet, or anything. I don't even like stereotypical beauty, but I have liked women for a long, long time.
You know. Every second of my life it seems like I can't develop more. Back in 4th grade - I thought that puberty was a bunch of bullshit - that all that happens is that you get bigger and grow hair.
Boy was I wrong! I turned out to be attracted to males. I wasn't consciously aware that I was a fag - but that came a year later.
These days I feel I fit the literary/social stereotype of the teenage gay boy. The kind of kid who's the subject of some 'young adult' novel, titled 'Not Like Other Boys' or some such nonsense. I'm intelligent, over-dramatic, struggling with inner demons and fond of Judy Garland. Oy. And, to boot, drooling over a gorgeous hunk of man in my drama class.
My life is going crazy... My sister is having a baby in as little as 2 weeks or as much as 6 weeks. I'm so freaking excited about that! My stepdad is a homophobic racist alcoholic and I hate him with a fiery passion from hell. My nephew (from my OTHER sister) is 4 and a half years old and my mom might be adopting him... He's crazy.