Hey, I haven't been on in a while because I didn't have internet access all summer, which was awful beyond all awfulness. Anyways, I'm at college now. It's okay. I'm thinking about transfering because I'm not being challenged. A bout of depression is coming on, which sucks.
To give the shortest explanation, I finally asked and learned that S does not return my crush. Somehow I was expecting that...
Our friendship appears to be relatively unscathed (if I may venture such an appraisal three days later), which I am glad about. I'm trying to hide disappointment now though, and frustration because I'm still attracted to her but have to stop hoping.
Spending the entire summer at the theater is my idea of heaven. Even if heaven does involve an awful lot of push-ups. Yes people, acting is not all glamor, we the students do have to work out every morning. Not sure what the full company members do. :-)
So I went over to S.' to finish a project.
Our third group member wasn't there, so it was just me and him.
There were constantly uncomfortable silences, which were, luckily, mostly broken by his younger brother.
It felt really awkward, because I found myself wanting to do things to him I know I shouldn't.
Although we're pretty good friends by now I guess.
S. is my science partner for a project~
Meant to be done out of class~
Now I have an excuse to get his phone number and stuff.
I'm becoming more comfortable with him- it's not as awkward
The school year's ending soon.
And my parents don't like people coming over.
Or me meeting other people.
Unless it's for school.
So during Health class today our teacher talked about sexuality to us, and S. reacted strongly in a negative sense and glanced at me.
Is this a good sign?
Also I got S.' email. Hooray!
So he got glasses the other day.
He's so hot >.<
I really don't feel like I'm making any progress.
I try to be friends with him, but we're so different, so I'm just stuck staring at him; It's unsettling.
At least in Music class I get to sit behind him, regardless if I'm heaving my Alto Sax at the same time. I wish I'd taken flute or clarinet ; I'd have a reason to sit next to him.
So there's a guy I know, who I think might be gay, who's my age (11) and who I'm crushing on. Now, in a couple of days he's leaving on a 4 day school trip (Some school band thing to Ottawa) and I'm wondering if it would be a good time to tell him. Advice?
Also, I saw (what I think was) a lesbian couple today walking down the street. I never noticed that my town actually has LGBT people.
Ok so for the past couple months I've had a crush on this guy who my friend Nick introduced me to (before I came out to him). However, I never acted on this because at the time if I had it would have meant being forced out of the closet to Nick and that wasn't something I was ready for at the time.
So, I saw this speaker today at a PFLAG meeting, my mom dragged me along to, and he was saying something pretty cool which is that a major determining factor in someones sexuality is the amount of androgyn in the womb, gay guys get less, lesbians get more; transversally, women get less men get more.
Ugh. I went to my crush's house today, planning to finally tell him what's been on my mind. (Him!) Things never really do go according to plan, do they? His little brother was hanging around us the entire time. I tried to hint that we should go somewhere private to talk (in fact, I even said that word for word), but the message never really got through.
[I'm becoming really pessimistic about my chances with this guy I like. So many mixed messages! He might as well be speaking Navajo.]
you are under scientific analysis.
for several months i have carefully observed
your every word, look, and action,
and from my research i have concluded
that you are not in love with me.
your sly grins and twinkling eyes
Hey gang! It's definitely been a few moons since I last wrote. Just a lack of drama, I guess. But anywizzay, I'm doing hokay. School is in full swing, and I'm the proud owner of a 5.0 GPA. Homework is pretty much my boyfriend now! And whilst I'm on the subject, I don't know if you guys recall, but in my last post I mentioned such a boy of the friend variety. Well, that didn't last long!
Yes, I'm amazing.
OMG BUT I'M A CHEERLEADER MADE ME SOOOOO HAPPY!!! ^^ I mean, apart from awesome kiss/sex scenes (Clea Duvall is SO. HOT. I love her), it was just really funny and sweet. I watched it a sleepover with a buncha school people. And... I think I'm starting to crush on MC. Arg. Fucking [w]hor[e]mones. Just leave me and my friends alone!!! Gah!
So, remember my best friend who I've been crushing on for just about ever, and who likes me back but currently has a boyfriend and is just randomly touchy-feely and flirty?
I was talking about what I should do with my hair today while I was in the car with my uncle, my sister, and my brother. (We were going to see Spider-Man 3. But more on that later.) My uncle stopped by Target on the way to the movie, and he bought me some hair gel!
Oh my God.
i am still trying to comprehend the last 72 hours of my life....
as i wrote in an earlier journal entry... i came out to my crush (let's call her b) on friday night... she was suprised that i was gay but didn't really seem to care.... she's pretty hard to read and doesn't really let on her emotions but all in all i thought it went really well....
I don't know where I left off, on my Journals here.
But I imagine maybe a bit about leaving my boyfriend was on here, and for once, I am actually permanently away from him, we got back together, and two days later we were apart, and he hates me.
So I'm going to steal the hard drive that was going to go in his computer I was almost done building for him, and put it in mine.