It’s everyday I see your handsome face,
The spring rejoicing in your amber eyes,
The sun alive through golden beams of hair;
But I have yet to hear a single word
Escape from your lips, that hold the future in.
Why so silent, my humble god of heart?
The language eyes can speak is holy, yes,
But words employ a beauty more profound
Than simple gazes ever hope to hold.
Guten tag, bitches! Great title, eh? ;-) How's everyone doing? I'm pretty much snazz in a can right now. Everything's been going really well for a change. So what I'm basically saying is, who's bribing Jesus? :-P
I've started watching "Queer As Folk" lately. Holy Guacamole! Three shows and I'm hooked. It's simply outstanding...good plots + droolworthy men = give me a minute to build a shrine!
She was right there...at the end of the hall on Monday at dismissal, talking to another teacher. I could have told her. I could've effing told her!
My therapist is telling me that she probably would've took it the wrong way, if I told her.
my crush is in my bio lecture, and she actually came over to say hi to me, and we walked around together afterwards and i managed to not sound like a complete moron (just a little bit of a moron, but not a complete one). and i made her laugh once. go me... :D
I'm sad. Ms. Slackson is going for knee surgery and Monday is her last day. I only have that day to tell her she's beautiful or otherwise I have to wait for who knows how many weeks before she comes back. I don't want to wait that long. I want her to know that contary to what she probably believes, not almost every student in my school hates her.
Yay!!!! Ms. Slackson is gunna be one of the supervisors for the dance I go to tomorrow....XDDDDDDD
Anyways, last night, I was buried alive in snow. xDDD It felt awesome. I'd do it again in a heartbeat if I could. Haha.
Got some Xmas shopping done, not much else, except I went bowling today and almost scored 3 strikes in a row. xD
Well g2g see you.
I talked to the friend that my other friend was reffering to (read last entry if you haven't, it'll make more sense.) and she said that friend number one jumps to conclusions....Lol. Kay, well, anyways, we talked for a bit, then she let on that her male cousin and friend were there. :-)
We talked in sript, and it was pretty good. Friend number 2 ended up falling asleep (same with her cousin) till it was just me and the friend that was at her house. So, they actually managed to cheer me up. :-)
This week has been shit....Absolute shit (exclude the job interview I went for on Wednesday). I really like my P.E. (she doesn't teach me the class this year, but it's easier saying that, so I'll just pretend that she is, cuz she taught me last year) teacher....so then I finally told my counsellor yesterday, and then she said, "You and I both know that you'll get hurt, if you try to act on it."....after that, she told me that it could only be a fantasy, and that's all it'd ever be. She's right....Ms. Slackson (my nick for her) wouldn't jepoardize her job. She wouldn't jepoardize being hauled off to jail. And, I know that deep down, but it still hurts to hear my counsellor say that. It hurts, knowing that it will never be. I won't ever be able to go up to her in the hall (or wherever) and just hug her...I won't be able to get close to her (in a non-sexual way). I almost started crying...I don't know why I didn't. And that's not even the worst of it. Just last night, a friend of mine signed on, and she asked me why I had a crush (her word, not mine) on Ms. Slackson. *She actually used the real name, but, for personal safety's sake, I'm not going to say it.* She also said it was gross....I was like, "Huh? What? What are you on about??" Wondering if I had really been that obvious. Then, she told me about the story I wrote....similar to my fantasy/dream. She said, "I know you wrote it." Then she told me she knew it was the teacher, because of the description I'd put in the story. My friend told me, "Look, I don't mind that you're gay, but we [her other friend as well] get a little weirded out." Then she proceeded to explain why, that I embarrass them, by...By being fucking prideful. For FUCK'S sake....It's not like I pushed you up a wall, and tried to make out with you! Why is it such an annoyance that I'm different/that I think girls are hotter than guys? Why!?
I have wild curly hair that rests on my shoulders, and I have side parted bangs hanging over my face. Today, I straighted my hair. It was the best decision I made today. Why such a crucial impact? Well, because...
Allyson said I looked cute with straight hair.
I couldn't stop smiling. She was telling me things- chatting- but I was too busy smiling sheepishly. And these past couple of days she's waved at me cutely when we pass each other in the hall. It's that cute wave that Spanky from the Little Rascals does; the finger wiggle under the chin wave.
So I did it again this weekend. I chickened out. I spent the weekend at her house again. I even took off work again yesterday to be with her longer. I can't believe this. I'm risking my job over a damn crush. No. Love. I can't get her out of my head. The way she lets me hold her when we're alone. Anyway. I was going to talk to her. Either that or I was just going to kiss her. I even started to ask her what she felt last weekend when I did kiss her. "Hey can I ask you somehting?" I said, speaking at a thousand km a second. "Last weekend at Teri's........Nevermind."